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Dolphins Fall to Cowboys 24-20 in Hall of Fame Game

Categories: Sports

via You Tube
Welp. At least those uniforms really pop in HD!!!

Coach Joe Philbin and company were supposed to go out and show the world that the New Look Dolphins were not just about a new logo that looks like a whale penis and some flashy clothes that would make a World Football League team jealous. Instead, the Dolphins looked dumb, sloppy and farty last night on their way to a 24-20 loss in THE most meaningless of meaningless games.

Instead of getting an early look at Ireland's new Ferrari, Mike Wallace, or scrappy chipmunk-man Brian Hartline, the Dolphins showcased the impressive Devlin-to-Davis chemistry that has been burning up training camp! Or causing many Dolphins fans to yawn incessantly throughout this Sunday night snoozefest.

The Cowboys even did us the favor of sitting most of their starters -- literally about 70 percent of them -- and we STILL couldn't get ahead early with Tony Romo, Dez Bryant, Miles Austin, Sean Lee, and DeMarcus Ware watching the game from the sideline.

We looked that crappy. BUT, SISTER, THOSE UNIFORMS WERE BLINGIN'!!!!

Let's hit some highlights:

-- This is the weekend Dolphins football 'savior' Bill Parcells was inducted into the Hall of Fame so if you're wondering who's fat FUPA you should want to punch, it would be this asshole right here.

536701_10151617980057690_587894217_n.jpg

-- Speaking of fat guys, the Dolphins offensive line was about as shitty as you remember it being the past five years or so because the Dolphins still need 13 more years and $500 million more dollars to shore up this kinda important part of your team that allows your prized Ferrari to have the time to get downfield while the guy that is supposed to deliver him the body still has his head attached. IT'S THE LITTLE THINGS, I KNOW.

But in all seriousness, the Dolphins QBs faced continuous pressure from all areas not blocked by Mike Pouncey for much of the game sooooo yea, so much about that 'is the Dolphins D-line that good or is the Dolphins O-line that bad?' question.


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7 comments
Jimmy
Jimmy

I am slower than a whale tail getting on the field in my comments but great write up meddling kid writer.  Four more preseason game, 16 regular season games, and probably 0 playoff games before we get to start over from scratch again. 

jgcamp99
jgcamp99

Yep, it's only preseason, but those ugly uniforms and logo are gonna be for 16 regular season games. They eliminated the orange in them. Beyond the sun ring around the Dolphin on the helmet, the swoosh and whatever players chose to wear orange in the cleats. Numbers simply are plain. NFL, Dolphins ownership & Nike botched those uniforms.

Diego Bohorquez
Diego Bohorquez

Miami New times.... its pre season with key players not playing. Your stories are horrible.

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