Dolphins Beat Colts, Luck 24-20

Categories: Sports

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On the final drive of Sunday's victory over the Andrew Luck-led Colts, there was that creeping feeling the NFL's newest comeback kid would do the thing Dolphins fans are so used to seeing: snatch victory from the jaws of defeat by putting a big ol' dunce hat on the Dolphins and all their silly aspirations of being considered a good team. Everything was in play for it -- the Colts were driving, Luck was impossible to bring down, and the Dolphins were reeling. Then the defense made a stand on fourth and ten to close out the game.

As a result, the Dolphins are now 2-0 for only the second time in a decade, a mark that (statistically speaking) gives them a roughly 66 percent chance of making the playoffs. Unfortunately, the Dolphins also started the season 2-0 in 2010 and ended up, you guessed it, 7-9 forevererrerrerrrr. Still, the Dolphins beat a good, young team in Indianapolis yesterday and showed a bunch of promising, burgeoning-chub-inducing things.

Hats off, above all, to Ryan Tannehill, who had his second straight awesome-balls game for the Fins. The kid was 23-of-34 for 319 yards, a touchdown, and no interceptions. He was decisive on throws and has shown tremendous improvement from last year through these first two games. There were times the Dolphins offense was flat (particularly in the third and early fourth quarters), but we're beginning to feel the confidence in Tannehill that he'll spark things up if the Fins get too frumpybutt out there. Tannehill also outplayed fellow 2012 rookie Andrew Luck, posting a 107.4 passer rating versus Luck's 79.7, soooooo, yeah, we're like soooo over you, Derpface!

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WR Mike Wallace, reportedly disgruntled after last week's one-catch-for-15-yards showing, came back with balls-out vengeance Sunday. Wallace hauled in nine catches for 115 yards, including a touchdown on a nifty screen in the first quarter. After the game, Wallace even went so far as to say his chemistry with Tannehill was still a work in progress.

The defense still struggled with Luck from time to time because he is a Frankenstein football monster who is virtually impossible to bring down, despite his weirdo face and voice that sounds like a deeper Bunsen Honeydew from The Muppets. However, the defense held firm when we needed them to, and the Dolphins were able to keep the Colts to a 46 percent third-down efficiency rating (unlike last year's contest), intercept Luck on a deep pass near the end of the game, and avoid a fourth-quarter collapse on the final Colts drive. Also, DID YOU SEE WHAT AN AWESOME PLAY BRENT "COCKCAKES" GRIMES MADE? I almost went to El Brazo Fuerte to order him 50 croquetas that look like vaginas and a bunch of bocaditos shaped into a 30-foot dick.

The running game showed some improvement against a crappy Colts D-line (including a Lamar Miller touchdown and decent yards-per-carry average for Thomas and Miller), but the Dolphins sometimes got a little too pass-happy with the play-calling, and the offensive line is still a wet fart. Tannehill was sacked five times for a total of nine times on this very young season, which puts him on pace for 72 times sacked this season if his body isn't pulverized into fine dust by then. FIX YO SHIT, O-LINE!

Charles Clay, from whom we all feared the very, very worst after Keller went down in the preseason, inexplicably had a very solid game with five catches for 109 yards and a rushing touchdown on his first NFL carry ever (even though his knee was down but, fuck it, those refs were all over the place anyway).

The measuring stick's chain broke during a Dolphins drive. It was fairly insignificant but preeeeeetty Dolphins if you ask me!

Dion Jordan: The opposing team's quarterback is not your little sister. Shoving him doesn't really do the trick, homie.

The Dolphins are now 2-0, which is fucking awesome as hell today but something we need to curb our enthusiasm about for now (i.e., FEED THE WOLF, BRANDON MARSHALL, 2010, HENNE, DERRRRRP, etc.), so the real test comes this Sunday at home against Matt Ryan (the shoulda-been QB for the Fins) and a very good Atlanta team. If we beat them in the late-afternoon September sun, maybe you can start selling your Dolphins tickets on Stubhub for $20 instead of $15. SHAAAA-BLOOOOZY!

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(Hartline cat photoshop by #Fireland)

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