Dolphins Home Opener: Four Keys to a Victory Against the Falcons
The Dolphins are now 2-0 for only the second time in a decade, and optimism about the team is all over the place. RYAN TANNEHILL WAS BORN FROM THE BLOOD OF JESUS CHRIST! JOE PHILBIN FINALLY NABBED THOSE RASCALLY KIDS -- WATCH OUT, WORLD! COCKCAKES = SUPER BOWL! BRIAN HARTLINE IS A FELINE FRANCISCAN MONK!
But we here at Miami New Times are measured folks firmly rooted in 2010 wolf-howling and the maddening mediocrity of the past 13 years. The Browns and Colts were nice teams, sure enough, but beating the Falcons -- regardless of their injury report -- would signify a huge leap toward crawling out of the quicksand of recent history. Since 1990, 75 percent of teams that start 3-0 make the playoffs. Barring an epic bed-shitting, the Dolphins are looking pretty good if we win Sunday.
So, what to watch for?
1. The O-Line Must Do Much Better at Protecting Tannehill
Tannehill has been sacked nine times and hit enough to be nursing a sore shoulder during the week. This is not good considering how really well Tannehill has been playing. This would be sorta OK if the offensive line were providing a strong push in the run game, but that hasn't exactly been the case. Protect Tannehill, or there goes the season and in comes this fucking guy:
2. Buena Suerte Covering Julio Jones, Roddy White, AND Tony Gonzalez, Bro
This will be the biggest test yet for the Dolphins' young secondary as they face maybe the scariest WR/TE combo in the NFL. Brent "COCKCAKES" Grimes will have his, errrr, hands full with Julio Jones; things are not looking good for CB Dimitri Patterson to play this Sunday; and God knows the Dolphins cover tight ends like they have pigeon assholes for eyes. Which brings us to our next IMPORTANT ANALYTICAL BULLET.