Ten Sure Signs You're Ready for Winter in Miami
Technically, summer is over. For most of the country, the season of sweating like a marathon runner and suffering third-degree sunburns ended two weeks ago, back on September 22. But anyone in Florida will tell you that date is meaningless, because in these parts, summer doesn't end until Halloween, if we're lucky. After six months of humidity that could kill a mermaid, most Miamians wish it would just stop being so damn tropical for a split second so we can breathe.
Yes, we are certainly ready for winter in Miami. In case you're still not sure if you're suffering from Magic City summer burnout, we've compiled a few tell-tale signs.
Pumpkin spice is your new McRib.
Pumpkin spice has taken over the world. It's in your beer, coffee, food, water, toothpaste, dog's hair, everything. It's like the Pitbull of flavors. If you got borderline sexually aroused the first time you saw pumpkin spice was back, you're ready for winter, and you have yourself a really fucked-up fetish on your hands, but no judgment.
You're ready to go outside without the fear of heat stroke.
In theory, it seems like a wholesome idea: Get outside, enjoy the beautiful weather, and then the minute you step outside, you realize some ideas just sound better in your head. If you're one of those beach bums with a perpetually perfect tan and beach gear in your trunk, good for you. The rest of us will be inside if you need us, in manmade structures, with climate control, and Netflix.
You can't wait to see snow so you can remember why it sucks.
Snow sucks, but we like things we can't have, so the idea of snow seems cool this time of year. The problem is there is a reason why your parents moved to Florida, and it wasn't because orange juice sucked in Ohio. It was because snow is a piece of shit, and you should not be in it unless you completely have to. You will forget this again come next October and talk about how "we should go see snow," but you shouldn't -- you shouldn't ever go see snow, because snow sucks.