South Beach Is Miami's Best Neighborhood, Hands Down

Categories: Listicles

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South Beach: Miami's best neighborhood
This is going to sound weird, but South Beach, I love you. I arrived to your sandy shores three and a half years ago: a moon-eyed Midwesterner with a century's supply of sunscreen, regular sleep patterns, and a steady girlfriend. Now I'm a single, sun-scorched insomniac -- and I couldn't be happier.

That's because South Beach is the best neighborhood in Miami. Set aside your snarky SoBe prejudices and consider this: We're home to the best beaches, bodies, and bars or restaurants in town. We're the glamorous, glittery, glowing neon nerve center of the city, perhaps the entire country. And, oh yeah, we've got terrific boobs.

So you can keep your Brickell condo, your house in Hialeah, and your Wynwood warehouse loft. South Beach is the spot to be, and here's why.

See also: North Beach Is the Best Neighborhood in Miami, and Here's Why

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10. We know how to party. Guilty as charged. People act like it's a bad thing that gorgeous women and bros with abs you could use as a barbecue pack South Beach's clubs every night of the week. I don't see a problem. No one has force-fed me molly and made me grind on a stranger until my underwear chafes.

Nor is South Beach all mega clubs with velvet ropes, bouncers, and bottle service. Sure, we've got that, but we also have local dives, sports bars, gay clubs, and swanky cocktail lounges. There's something for everyone. It's all a bit expensive, but hey: if we wanted to save money, we'd live in North Beach. Shudder.

And as for the tourists who also come here to live it up, they're only a nuisance if you want them to be. Sex with a tourist is the third best kind, or so we've been told. So yeah, South Beach knows how to party.

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Robert "Raven" Kraft is just one of many SoBe runners

9. But that's not all we do. The people who knock South Beach the most are usually the ones who are here the least, like the Brickell bros who taxi over here once a month, step into another bro's vomit, and vow to never come back. But those of who live here know that SoBe is so much more than a cocaine-encrusted EDM mecca.

Try waking up early -- or staying up all night -- while the tourists are still out cold and walking SoBe's streets. You'll find locals in their least fashionable lycra out for a morning jog, or braving the chilly winter waters for a swim. You'll find construction workers and bar-backs sharing a ventanita coffee on their way to and from work, respectively.

Underneath the glitz and the glamour, South Beach is a real neighborhood. We've got Miami's best public library branch, amazing museums like the Bass and the Wolfsonian, Botanical Gardens, and cafes.


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37 comments
juionr
juionr

south beach memorial be there

WhyNotNow
WhyNotNow topcommenter

Dude, you need to get off the sandbar for a minute. I just moved to NW 5 ave, by the Miami River. This is really a neighborhood. All of downtown Miami is a a 3 block bike ride. The trolley system offers free transpo all the way up to target at midtown The river is a never ending pastiche of now and before. My dogs can run free in the Miami river greenway. I know this will all come to an end soon when everyone else starts to find what I have here. Btw, I left the beach it '92. It was already over then.

Yami Alvarez
Yami Alvarez

TOTALLY OVER RATED! If you think this is nightlife y'all need to get a passport and explore a little...

Lauren Kathryn
Lauren Kathryn

I like North Miami Beach Surfside better. SB only has Mansion. There are so many better hang out spots and clubs in Midtown, Wynwood, Design District, Downtown.

Courtney KickPush Mitchell
Courtney KickPush Mitchell

Oh yes! The best if you love traffic, parking tickets, if you can get a parking spot, no trees, flooding, high ass prices, rude people, Jay walkers, and ass hats!

HarryTheHandyman
HarryTheHandyman topcommenter

Can't stand South Beach. Sad part is that when it finally sinks, all the trash that lives there will come to the mainland.

joetrophoto
joetrophoto

SoBe used to be a great neighborhood.
Then corporatism ran rampant. Everywhere you look it's another corporate chain store shutting down the small business that made sobe unique.
Then there's the repeated police overreach and brutality, oh yeah, and murders. SoBe locals being murdered in the streets by the MBPD.
The flooding is awesome too. While the rest of America debates the veracity of climate change, we're living with it's consequences. Our streets are flooding regularly and our homes and businesses are being waterlogged.
Those "interesting" tourists the article mentioned? More than half the time they're brain dead 20-somethings who have no qualms about trashing your neighborhood and property because theyre on spring break (or whatever) and assume that because they're tourists, we all must be. I've actually seen someone defecate on the sidewalk (corner of 10th and washington). Yeah, real "interesting".
Add to that the fact that Miami Beach just elected Phillip Levine as Mayor. LOL A man who spent 2 million of his own money to buy the office. Yeah, I bet he has our best interests at heart.
South Beach used to be an amazing place full of truly interesting people and architecture. Now? It's a slowly sinking island ruled by a capitalist extremist and overrun by college-aged D-bags.

drakemallard
drakemallard topcommenter

Most people seem to have been indoctrinated to believe that bullshit only comes from certain places, certain sources: advertising, politics, salesmen – not true. Bullshit is everywhere. Bullshit is rampant. Parents are full of shit, teachers are full of shit, clergymen are full of shit, and law enforcement people are full...of...shit - this entire country. This entire country is completely full of shit, and always has been.

jp53452
jp53452

I live in SoBe and I can't wait to get out of here. I mean, not everything is as ugly as many can imagine, but this article says completely the opposite as if having parties all night long, noisy people and those "interesting" and "beautiful" people are actually positive things. And here I don't see anywhere the traffic jams or the flooding mentioned.

There are positive things as well, bike friendly, walking distance to everywhere, closeness to the beach, beautiful parks, but putting into the balance everything, I still believe that this place  is way too overrated.

JimmyJam
JimmyJam

This is one of the dumbest things I've ever read on the NewTimes. And that's saying something.

David Alejandro Jerezano Figueroa
David Alejandro Jerezano Figueroa

When i read this headline, I thought this was " the onion ", but anyhow , in terms of urban planning, its better then the rest of Miami.... But its an empty shell, for now...its all about looks..no cultural content...Its good for about a few hours then it really falls short of what it is always pretending to be...And it is always being to sold to the world as Miami, when Miami is really inland..

MiamiBeachCrack
MiamiBeachCrack

You tried to sell ad space for South Beach bars, clubs and restaurants with this piece.   Clevlander is trying a Art Basel pitch.  So pathetic.  Such a sad city of pathetic morons. 

Ray Bravo
Ray Bravo

South beach is gross, how much were you paid to write this blasphemy and by who?

Cary Cary
Cary Cary

North Beach is much better. Besides Sobe has become a tourist trap.

Heather Mallon Dobos
Heather Mallon Dobos

It will always have a special place in my heart! Loved partying there, then I loved living there-minus the parking!

Aurelio Marco Tine
Aurelio Marco Tine

It is the best place! Everybody want to go and live in the SOBE!

Ryan Morejon
Ryan Morejon

one article you're saying SoBe sucks, and now you're saying it's the best neighborhood in Miami? can you guys all come to a collective conclusion about what you like there

hillbillyshackpear
hillbillyshackpear

Didn't you say North beach was the best hood a few weeks ago?  Do you ever mean what you say, New Times?

suncoup
suncoup

You've lived in one neighborhood in all of  3 (and a half!) years here, and you want to tell us which one is best? That's silly.

Stephanie Badillo
Stephanie Badillo

Yes, I lived there. It's better just to visit for a few days then get out!

MiamiBeachCrack
MiamiBeachCrack

Art Basel pitch piece.  Miami Beach is often called  a slum by many residents who own property.  It has high corruption, crime, homeless, and a seedy underworld that attracts left overs from the rest of world.   Your chance of getting something in stolen in a nightclub is the probably the highest in the country.  If you own a condominium it is most likely being used as a prop for one of the local pornography companies.  The city manager is fighting numerous lawsuits.  Lets not even mention the flooding issues or bedbugs. 

Eric Romer
Eric Romer

It's the best hood if you're a millionaire or a tourist.

rrorre
rrorre

Another sobe duche bag

Pierre Bernardo
Pierre Bernardo

It is awful. It was the best area back in the early-mid 90s.

Al Newman
Al Newman

Soutb beach is not the best neighborhood. South beach might just be the best place to party and have fun.

djsamplessett
djsamplessett

@Courtney WeaverStance Mitchell damn ass hats


bella6379
bella6379

@David Alejandro Jerezano Figueroa LOL I was just thinking that the Miami New Times is EXACTLY like the Onion, but I can't figure out if it's intentional or not

jgcamp99
jgcamp99

@Stephanie Badillo I can only tolerate SoBe for about a day.

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