Beyoncé Calls Out South Beach as the World Capital of Vanity

Categories: Flotsam

beyoncevanity.jpg
We may be so vain, but there's little doubt this song is about us.

Beyoncé shocked the world by releasing a secret new self-titled album, and the first track calls out South Beach, and not in the loving way her hubby Jay-Z usually does. "Pretty Hurts" places South Beach amongst the scourges that fuel America's obsession with beauty and physical perfection.

Yes, Beyoncé may be one of the consensus top ten most beautiful women in the world, but even Bey struggles under the demands to be pretty. "Perfection is the disease of a nation," she sings. "Pretty hurts / Shine the light on whatever's worse / Tryna fix something / But you can't fix what you can't see / It's the soul that needs the surgery."

South Florida's most famous beach gets its cameo in the second verse:

Blonder hair, flat chest TV says bigger is better South Beach, sugar free Vogue says Thinner is better

Oh, it's like that. It's like South Beach's world renown as a vanity capital is so obvious Bey doesn't even have to explain it to us. We're right up there with Vogue magazine, diet food and blonde hair. South Beach has pretty much become synonymous with physical perfection.

It's not like Beyoncé was the first to make the observation. Nip/Tuck, the plastic surgery melodrama about the lengths people go to be pretty, was set in Miami after all. Readers of Travel + Leisure regularly puts Miamians at or near the top of American cities with the prettiest people. Miamians agree too. A 2011 Living Social survey ranked Miami as the vainest city in America. When asked to rate their appearance on a scale of 1 to 10, Miamians ranked themselves on average a 7.23. Second place Chicago wasn't even close with an average self-rating of 6.93.

So even when Mrs. Carter strolls down South Beach, she notices there's a higher ratio of hotties than most stretches of sand, but that's missing the forest for the trees. Or the hardbodies for the full beach. You might be too busy checking out Lycra-clad curves, but peppered amongst them are more than a few people with perfect bodies still frolicking confidentially.

Mamas with bodies that look like someone let the air out of a Kardashian still rocking that thong. European dudes with muffin tops jutting over their Speedo waistbands oiling themselves up. And it's really those people who are the true heroes of South Beach -- the people who already learned the lessons Bey is trying to teach us in the song. They may not have perfect bodies, but that's not going to deter them from minimizing tan lines.

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61 comments
duhpeople
duhpeople

This is how the lyrics read: Blonder hair, flat chest/ TV says bigger is better/ South Beach, sugar free/Vogue says thinner is better.  Kyle, step up your reading comprehension skills!

duhpeople
duhpeople

She says south beach right before sugar free, in other words, referencing the South Beach diet. ( also if you watch the video she is doing this verse while working out...)

downtownbrown
downtownbrown

Kween Bey used to be black, check the photos of early DC.  Now she's much. much lighter and has blond hair.  WTF gurl?  Ashamed of your blackniss?

Kelly Miller-law
Kelly Miller-law

I personally love SoBe. It is the one place inside the U.S. that I visit and feel like I am in another Country. So many people from all over the world are there. SoBe is whatever you want to make of it. I am not one to stand in line waiting to get the velvet rope only to be told no though, so I can not answer for that crowd. It probably does seem vain through their eyes.

Karla Campos
Karla Campos

The lyrics say "flat chest TV says bigger is better South Beach", just making a point that TV says bigger boobs are better like the boobs you would expect to see in South Beach. I don't see her saying directly Miami is vain but Kyle who wrote the article seems to think so.

Street Art
Street Art

HAS SHE LOOKED IN A MIRROR LATELY

Laura Gonzalez
Laura Gonzalez

Miami has it's good and bad but yeah I agree with her that's why I can't wait to move I wouldn't like to raise my children here

Ashley Cooper
Ashley Cooper

Yeah she is Amira...but I agree on this one lol

Eddy Earthtone Blak
Eddy Earthtone Blak

Miami is quickly becoming another Las Vegas.. I believe L.V. Is the epicenter for corruption, filth, and commercial consumerism so you can guess where I think Miami is heading.. Wynwood and its culture is Miami's only hope for any meaningful cultural significance down the line..

Bernard Johnson
Bernard Johnson

Well that's what make Miami! So is LA on a much larger scale! ! But Miami is still one of the greatest City in the USA! And THERE IS NO PLACE ON EARTH LIKE IT. TO GET THE FEEL OF MIAMI YOU HAVE TO BE HERE! 75% Of all of in Hollywood has a Home or Condo Here! And This New Year Eve the WORLD IS COMING! A I Have to say you do see more beautiful people here then in any other city!

Sean O'Hanlon
Sean O'Hanlon

Please don't confuse "South Beach" with the real Miami across the causeway.

Raisa Y. Jimenez
Raisa Y. Jimenez

she isn't lying... walk around Miami long enough and it becomes apparent...and by long enough I mean the second you check into a hotel, move into your new apt or go to Publix and spot the ridiculous girl in heels pushing a cart! Miami in general is the biggest joke when it comes to Vanity.

Ileana Arriola
Ileana Arriola

This coming from the temporary vegan, who wore real fur to a vegan restaurant??? Bitch u & ur wig need to STFU.

Chris Garcia
Chris Garcia

Does she really think so though? Lyrics don't say that.

Jim Tyrrell
Jim Tyrrell

this from a black woman with long straight blond hair?!?

Bendecida ConDios Adelante
Bendecida ConDios Adelante

Who cares or gives a damn about Bey. ObviOusly she is talking out of her ass. Living in Miami is fun and if she has a negative opinion about it she can stay out! They're plenty of ppl who would kill to live here. Ppl who have a lot of $$$ are the ones who are vain.

Muse TD
Muse TD

Hahahahahhahahahja its like the pot calling the kettle black. Bitch please!

James G. Camp
James G. Camp

LOL, usually it's Floridians that have to deal with NYC attitudes ? It's better up there, everything they do is better. So why did they come to FL to tell us this ?

Ismael Antonio Sanabria
Ismael Antonio Sanabria

Beyonce is a trashy vain crap face. She's calling Miami vain? She may be right but she is a hypocrite

Danny Arango
Danny Arango

This coming from a woman who asked media outlets not to publish or retract any unflattering photos from her Super Bowl half time performance. Her and jay r full of shit.

Turo Olvera
Turo Olvera

This really all you took from her music Yall are nuts

Jessica Gonzalez-Guzman
Jessica Gonzalez-Guzman

This coming from a bleach blond wig wearing prima donna. If there is anything I have observed from her its that she is full of false modesty-such a phony. Btw her and her husband's so called "charity" receives no attention from them and the smallest donation was made by them!! They do nothing for the people. When Jay was asked by Harry Belafonte to join the cause to support black peopl he refused because he dont "work" for free.

Asüka Bazüka
Asüka Bazüka

And that's what makes Miami, MIAMI! She can hate, or move out. We all know you have a condo on Miami Beach, bitch!

Gabe Yunes
Gabe Yunes

And I agree that Miami is a vain city, but she's too vain herself to be talking shit..

Gabe Yunes
Gabe Yunes

As vain as renting a whole hospital to give birth and restrain the fathers of other kids to see their new born babies, cause she was giving birth? She needs to shut the fuck up...

Cary Gonzalez
Cary Gonzalez

When did anything Beyoncé has to say start mattering?

Jon Wasielewski
Jon Wasielewski

^^^ Obviously hasn't been to West Virginia or Arkansas.... ;)

Patti Hoy-Sevier
Patti Hoy-Sevier

That's rich......she would know...being the expert.....setting the standard so to speak.

Scott Daniels
Scott Daniels

Hopefully, she'll stay in NY and not bother visiting our city. Worse diva than Kim.

Katt Miles
Katt Miles

Miami and the whole state of Florida is the shit hole of America that's wth it is.

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