Florida Man Terrified of Spiders So He Tattooed a Giant One on His Face

Categories: WTF Florida

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Eric Rico Ortiz has never seen a spider he liked. He's terrified of them. When he sees them scuttling through his Deltona house, he scampers away in fright. So at the end of last year, he thought long and hard about that fear. And then he did what any well-reasoning 24-year-old would do in such an intellectual quandary.

He tattooed a giant black widow on his face.

"Everybody fears spiders," Ortiz told the Daytona Beach News-Journal, while standing at the Volusia County Courthouse to handle felony charges against him for habitually driving with a revoked license.

"That's why I got it," he says. "Just to, like, make me know, that that's what I fear, but not to fear it. You know what I'm saying?"

Yes, Eric. We got you. It's a not-too-subtle metaphor for conquering fear, right?

"Everybody looks at it like, 'Damn spider,' " he continued. "'Cause if you're going around your house, you know what I'm saying, you see those spiders, you're going to jump, you're going to jump, so putting one on my face, I say you know what, I'm going to see what people think."

It doesn't look like these two tikes were too impressed.

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Neither were his friends. "Please tell me that's not real," Nancy Sanchez said.

"Tell me that's fake???" wrote one friend.

"Your an ass cuz for real," another gasped. "How the fuck u gonna put that on your face u gonna regret that some day... Ima kick ya ass."

But Eric Ortiz was unrepentant. The giant spider tattoo on his face would stay.

"IF I COULD START FROM SCRATCH I WOULDN'T CHANGE SHIT!!!!" he told his many haters.

Among whom are the police. In addition to felony charges for driving on a revoked license, Ortiz has a rap sheep that includes charges of burglary, narcotic possession, retail theft, prowling, and domestic battery.

So, Ortiz reasoned, a massive black tattoo of a spider on his face probably wouldn't hurt his already-dim chances of landing a job.

"Some people say 'Why did you get it? You're never going to get a job," Ortiz told the News-Journal. "Some people say "It's cool, man. The tattoo on the face, I would never get it but that one came out cool.'"

Likely, if this other photo is any indication, Ortiz is also afraid of pain:

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Send your story tips to author, Terrence McCoy or follow him on Twitter.

Follow Miami New Times on Facebook and Twitter @MiamiNewTimes.


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31 comments
Michael Evans
Michael Evans

Hell, put it on you foot, less visible AND scare to s**t outta people when barefoot, but on face?.. Idiot

Ron Crosnick
Ron Crosnick

let me know have this works out for you . . . . .

Dylan Roberts
Dylan Roberts

Looks like a Sharpie to me. I call shenanigans.

Jan Dedeurwaerder
Jan Dedeurwaerder

Former neigbor of you guys? Stephanie Gallagher Kristine Gallagher

Michelle Mimi Nisely
Michelle Mimi Nisely

Lenny Burgos you know you want that tattoo. Except instead of a spider you want Madea's face!

Alex Nra Shemin
Alex Nra Shemin

That guy shows strong traits of conquering his fears I'm sure he's a valuable member in the workplace

Carlos Castro
Carlos Castro

The wave of stupidity spread like a cancer.. Why am I commenting on this?

Kyersten Alexis Mesa
Kyersten Alexis Mesa

maybe his therapist asked him to try some new "exposure" exercises......

Eric Rodriguez
Eric Rodriguez

You know what's even more idiotic? Reporting it.

Louis Wing
Louis Wing

I would freak the fuq out, I am scared of spiders.

Cary Gonzalez
Cary Gonzalez

After reading the story, it's even more baffling that a story was actually written about this cretin.....

DRAKEMALLARD.0
DRAKEMALLARD.0 topcommenter

Most science fiction of the day
predicted a future that was more civilized...

and more intelligent.

But as time went on, things seemed
to be heading in the opposite direction.

A dumbing down.

How did this happen?

Evolution does not necessarily
reward intelligence.

With no natural predators
to thin the herd...

it began to simply reward those
who reproduced the most..


and left the intelligent
to become an endangered species.

Liz Montagna
Liz Montagna

He's apparently terrified of employment, too.

Chris Schaaff
Chris Schaaff

Early candidate for the Dumbest Motherfucker of the Year Award

smokepotallday420
smokepotallday420

Early candidate for the Dumbest Motherfucker of the Year Award

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