Hialeah Ranks as One of the Least "Douchey" Cities in America

Categories: Survey Says

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Even the fiercest defender's of Miami-Dade's pride must admit we have our fair share of douchebags. Counterintuitively, a new "analysis" by real estate site Estately claims that of America's 100 biggest cities, not only does the City of Miami proper rank low on the douche spectrum, but Hialeah also is actually one of the ten least douchebag-heavy cities in all of the USA.

See also: LA Thinks It's America's Douche Capital, Miami Begs to Differ.


To determine the "Top U.S. Cities for Douchebags," the site looked at the percentage of males in each city who liked certain Facebook pages for some key douche indicators. Those included Nickelback, Monster Energy, Axe (brand), Don Ed Hardy, Vin Diesel, Chris Brown, Tosh.0, mixed martial arts, Bluetooth, and Dane Cook.

Miami, as it turns out, came in only 71st -- or as the 30th worst city for douchebags, if you will. Miami had particularly low levels of fans of Axe body spray, Tosh.0, Nickelback, and mixed martial arts. However, Miami still has some affinity for Ed Hardy (27th overall) and Vin Diesel (23rd overall).

Hialeah is the real shocker. It came in 91st -- or the tenth least douchey. Yes, a city that residents fondly refer to as "Hia-Fucking-Leah" is douche-deprived, apparently. Hialeah residents were at or very near the bottom for affinity for Ed Hardy, Axe, Dane Cook, Nickelback, and Bluetooth.

The one thing preventing Hialeah from being even less douchey: Vin Diesel. Apparently, Hialeahans love Vinny. They ranked seventh overall for their Diesel affinity.

Now, at first we thought that perhaps the site's douchebag criteria was a bit too, well, middle-of-the-country white, but the most douchey areas are actually Hispanic-heavy cities in South Texas. Laredo came in first, followed by El Paso and San Antonio in the top three.

As it also turns out, Miami and Hialeah are the least douchey cities in Florida. Orlando is 28th, Jacksonville is 33rd, Tampa is 41st, and Saint Pete is 69th.

San Francisco was the second least douchey, followed by nearby Fremont, California, in the top spot.

Neither Miami Beach nor Fort Lauderdale was included in the analysis, because, yes, we know you were wondering.

Send your story tips to the author, Kyle Munzenrieder, or follow him on Twitter.

Follow Miami New Times on Facebook and Twitter @MiamiNewTimes.



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45 comments
Cyn Der Rella
Cyn Der Rella

Lmao Sheena MidasTouch King!!!! Ewww u know I stay away from Hialeah as much as possible

Kary Fernandez
Kary Fernandez

Duh!!!! But for the record... I'm not a Vinny fan!!!! Hia-fucking-Leah

Frank Castle
Frank Castle

this survey is stupid just because someone likes vin diesel and likes ed hardy is a douche?? that is nonsense and whats the deal with people from miami picking on hialeah, i never did understand that, hialeah is not douche but it has the worst drivers on the planet and the biggest problem are the cubans, they should all move out

Mabel Gonzalez Nava
Mabel Gonzalez Nava

Not douchie....but driving in Hialeah, yeah thats another article lol

Phil Ramirez
Phil Ramirez

Douchiest than Doral or the aspiring Brickell-ites?! Unlikely, but Hialeah has earned its reputation, unfortunately...

Betty Perez
Betty Perez

I agree with jennylee Molina - douchebag behavior comes from arrogance, entitlement and delusions of grandeur. Hialeah is a working class town full of hard workers. I would venture to say I've experienced sloppy rude behavior as well but that's not douchbaggish.

Patti Garcia
Patti Garcia

Everything is OFF the WaLL with this paper!!

JennyLee Molina
JennyLee Molina

Born and raised in the City of Progress, it is definitely a very Latin area but it is full of hard working, immigrant families with strong family values who are just trying to make a living. Some of the nicest, warmest customer service experiences I've had have been there also, the Starbucks on 49th Street is actually my favorite. To me, douchey means pretentious and Hialeah isn't about that... enough with Hialeah being the punchline already.

Byron Scott Jones
Byron Scott Jones

I'm assuming that whoever came up with that has never driven in nor otherwise visited Hialeah.

MyCole Knight
MyCole Knight

Hialeah citizen here, I can confirm this city isn't the "douchiest" because all the douchebags live in Kendall and Pinecrest. What Hialeah does rank high in is pata sucias and tremendo come-mierdas.

Enmanuel Morales
Enmanuel Morales

jaja "Least Douchiest" according to THEIR standards. The Hialeah douche is a different breed...

Joseph Mazon
Joseph Mazon

More than likely the reason was that half of Hialeah didn't even know what 'douche" was, much less what you're talking about, the other half probably doesn't speak enough English to even be in on this conversation. However, Vin Diesel is easy enough to explain, his ethnicity is clearly not totally white, ( he could be Latino or whatever) and his movies need no translation . So of course, he's a hit.

John Jordan
John Jordan

Had the search parameters included liking the musician "Pitbull" I think the outcome would have been much different.

Karolina Sucre
Karolina Sucre

The people in Hialeah might be doucey (sparkly shirts, spiky hair, fake designer sunglasses) but they are not, by any means, rude. I was born and raised in Hialeah and never got a nasty attitude from anyone. When I worked in Pinecrest and Downtown was when I met the jerks. In Hialeah you really won't have problems with anyone unless you go looking for them...

Yvette M. Witte
Yvette M. Witte

Anita Lara Adrian Santiago Cristina Carrasco Matthew Hairston

Cary Gonzalez
Cary Gonzalez

LMAO.....that's because douche bag isn't a good translation for COMEMIERDA!

Israel Obando
Israel Obando

Looks like faileah esta progresando de verdad haha

Frank Cassell
Frank Cassell

If your not hearing car horns, then your not in Hialeah

Mark Casino-Brown
Mark Casino-Brown

Too early! This should be presented in 13 more days (April 1).

Sergio Alejandro
Sergio Alejandro

A douche clearly administered this survey. It takes one to not spot their own kind.

Anthonyvop1
Anthonyvop1 topcommenter

Wait!!

Liking Tosh.0 makes you a Douche-bag?

Gonna have to think about that over a glass of vinegar and water.

 

 

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