Phantom Pisser Terrorizes University of Florida Students

Categories: WTF Florida

Thumbnail image for florida-gators1.jpg (JPEG Image, 300x297 pixels).jpg
What ever happened to those decals of Calvin pissing on things? Back in the 90s, if your F-150 wasn't emblazoned with cartoon character mischievously urinating on [another truck company's name/a pictorial version of an abstract concept/your least-favorite sports team's logo] you didn't believe in anything. You weren't in the driver's seat of your own life. Those bootleg stickers made for the most populist form of social commentary ever, and they seems to have disappeared into the cultural vortex with other relics of the era, like "the Super 'S'" and Lisa Frank.

Fret not. One Florida man has decided to bring back the pre-Internet meme, and to do it IRL. Gainesville Police Department says that a man has been going around and peeing on University Florida students. Three incident reports have been filed thus far by Gator fans who allege they fell victim to a phantom pisser.

As if a 4-8 season last year wasn't enough.

The peeings-on took place on February 22nd, after 3.a.m; February 26th, around noon; and March 2nd, at about 3:30 a.m. Apparently the suspect's favorite places to hang out are near the apartment complexes across from the university's Library West (interesting choice) and the Checker's/Taco Bell parking expanse on University Avenue (makes perfect sense.)

Police are looking for a black male between 25 and 30 who is about 6 feet tall and has a medium build. The cops haven't said if the suspect also possesses a disdain for a) the SEC b) the Florida Gators specifically c) whiskey, guns and barbecue or d) America.

If you find yourself up in North Florida, have your back turned to a man fitting this description and notice that he begins peeing on you, notify the Gainesville Police Department.

h/t Gainesville Sun

Send your story tips to the author, Allie Conti.

Follow Allie Conti on Twitter: @allie_conti

Follow Miami New Times on Facebook and Twitter @MiamiNewTimes.



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31 comments
Andrew Boix-Gonzalez
Andrew Boix-Gonzalez

Alyssa Gutierrez Emily Dominguez Steph Marie Be careful next weekend lmao!

Erik Swagerty
Erik Swagerty

Maybe he just wants to help out with jellyfish stings?

Rob Silva
Rob Silva

Stephanie Escoto lmfao! You may wanna watch out for this dude

Katherine Janice
Katherine Janice

Leave it to Miami New Times to downplay the fact that he's not just urinating on "people"....he's urinating on women. This is a crime against women, but no one wants to publish another factual women's issue.

Beni Anvari
Beni Anvari

Brooks Tragash the phantom pisser lol

Barbara Behrens
Barbara Behrens

What's happening with are youth today? Spoiled, no respect to adults, gets new cars from parents, doesn't want to work, expect hand out money for what ever they want....and than piss on people ! So sad!

j.pollo
j.pollo

Expect more incidents today as it is POETS day (piss on everything, tomorrow's Saturday)

Cary Gonzalez
Cary Gonzalez

I'd be carrying a can of neon pink spray paint and decorate him the minute he whips it out.

allie.conti
allie.conti

Thank you for the constructive criticism, sentient basketball

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