The Malls of Miami-Dade: Ranked
Deciding which mall to go to in Miami is never an easy proposition. Are you going to go to the good mall or the good good mall? Then there are the too-good-for-you malls and the so-bad-they're-good malls. Because we're always helpful, we've decided to rank the major malls in Miami-Dade for your shopping-trip-planning convenience (and not at all because it's a fun but ultimately futile debate).
13. Mall of the Americas
This place is best known for three things:
1. Being the spiritual home of chongas everywhere.
2. That time the DEA busted a 200-plant marijuana growing operation in a storage area.
3. That time a lady set herself on fire in front of Ross.
It is, however, not known for its shopping. Old Navy is one of the better stores. Forever 21 opened its first store outside California here back in the day, but even it moved out once it realized it was too good.
12. Bayside Marketplace
The very existence of this place is a cruel joke. It sits on some of the most enviable real estate in the world and offers nothing but crap meant more for cruise ship passengers than locals. There's a Chili's, for crying out loud.
11. Mall at 163rd Street
First of all, no one even bothered to give this mall a real name. The sign literally just reads, "Mall Shops." Second, no one bothered to build this place a roof either. It's just a giant tent in the middle. We're not even sure if it really qualifies as an actual mall and not just two and a half strip malls cobbled together, but why would that "Mall Shops" sign lie to us?
10. Southland Mall
Listen, Hurricane Andrew was a dick, and this place has seen better days.
9. Miami International Mall
This is like the most basic suburban mall in all of Miami-Dade.
8. Sunset Place
This place is where teenage clichés go to die. The only reason anyone of legal drinking age goes there (besides to pick up their kids) is for Z Gallerie or Barnes & Noble. Plus, now with the old Virgin Megastore space sitting empty again, Nike Town gone, and Urban Outfitters recently closed, the entire west side of this place is like a no-man's land controlled by roving groups of middle-schoolers you're too afraid to make eye contact with.