Miami's Guide on How To B.S. Your Way Through the World Cup
Unless you've been hiding from federales on an island of swamp grass floating deep within the Everglades for the past six months, you're well aware that the World Cup starts this this afternoon.
Football.au via Wikimedia Commons Heat fans should sympathize with Spain
You should also know that pleading ignorance of the international tournament just won't cut it in modern Miami. Twelve years ago when France won the World Cup, most Miamians were still more interested in pelota than the partying in Paris.
Now that Miami is full of French and Italians, Colombians and Venezuelans, Brazilians and even a few Bosnians, however, ignorance is no longer an excuse. When you saddle up to the bar and the stranger next to you asks you which side you support, silence won't be accepted. So here's a quick guide on how to bullshit your way through the beautiful game.
Bandwagoners should go for Brazil
Adenilson Nunes/AGECOM via Wikimedia Commons
When in doubt, just take your Dad's first name and add an -inho to the end of it. "That Kerbinho is so hot right now!" Mumble something about how Brazilians are such a joyous people -- never mind the protests raging across the host country -- and how you can see it in the way they play. Don't worry. Just drink your caipirinha. Brazil is going to win -- so hop on board.
Little Havana Is Suddenly A Spanish Stronghold
Mlopezsilva via Wikimedia Commons Supposably your family's ancestral castle in Spain
Ever notice how every Cuban's uncle or grandfather was supposably some Spanish duke? Every four years, Little Havana suddenly becomes 18th century Castile and León. Your abuelita insists you eat her tortilla española and your tío talks to you about the one time he had a layover in Sevilla.