O, Miami's Gramps Residence: Inside a Night Trading Verse for Booze

Categories: Flotsam

Photo by Robbie Ramos
The author writes for his beer.
How does a good piece of poetry get made? And more to the point, where do wordsmiths find their rhythm? Lord Byron would make his way to a cave in Portovenere, Italy, to meditate and write some of the greatest romantic poetry ever composed. William Burroughs was never more at ease than in a quiet, dimly lit room with a fresh fix running through his veins. One of the best poems I've ever written began in the silent splendor of the British Library and finished on a cramped coffee table in a Parisian studio apartment full of noise and debauchery.

But what about the dark ambiance of a lively watering hole such as Gramps, brimming with drunken hipsters sucking craft beers and cheap cocktails?

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Jezebel Attempts to Define "The Miami Bro," Gets It Kinda Wrong

Categories: Flotsam

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In an attempt to distinguish various regional "bro" cultures from one another in "The United States of Bro," Jezebel has attempted to define the "Miami bro." In the rest of America (or as some Miamians calls it: America) the term "bro" carries a certain connotation. "An adult male whose social life revolves around collegiate homosocial bonding and who also presents himself in a way that assimilates to the prevailing aesthetic of men with similar socialization patterns," writes Jezebel.

Of course, as we all know the definition of "bro" is a bit different in Miami.

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Miami DJ Vilified for Raiding Jason Wu Collection Now Suing Target

Categories: Flotsam

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via Facebook
Kevin Wills, AKA DJ Midas.
Kevin Wills has a controversial business model that's made him a villain to bargain-seekers everywhere. Now he's starting a beef with the stores themselves.

Two years ago, he and his then-wife stirred up a righteous shitstorm by snatching up thousands of dollars' worth of limited-edition designer merch from a Miami Target before anyone else could get their hands on it. Now Wills is sure to stir even more ire. This time, he's suing Target, alleging the store aided a mob of outraged shoppers in physically attacking him while he was trying to escape with the pile of clothes.

See also: Terrible Couple Buys Out Target's Entire Jason Wu Collection at Midtown Store

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The Malls of Miami-Dade: Ranked

Categories: Flotsam

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Deciding which mall to go to in Miami is never an easy proposition. Are you going to go to the good mall or the good good mall? Then there are the too-good-for-you malls and the so-bad-they're-good malls. Because we're always helpful, we've decided to rank the major malls in Miami-Dade for your shopping-trip-planning convenience (and not at all because it's a fun but ultimately futile debate).

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Miami Springs' New City Clerk Is Financially Troubled

Categories: Flotsam

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via LinkedIn
Erika Santamaria filed bankruptcy with almost $750,000 in debts in 2011, yet she's been brought on board as the latest hire in Miami Springs city management.
Ever ask for a raise before you've even started a job? That's exactly what Erika Gonzalez-Santamaria did after she was offered a $71,850 gig as the new city clerk for Miami Springs. She accepted the job but asked for $75,000 and was granted that boost before she begins April 1.

Then again, maybe she could use the cash. Federal records show Gonzalez-Santamaria and her husband filed for bankruptcy in 2011, claiming $737,754 in debt -- including more than a half-million on two mortgages and $33,000 in unpaid loans for cars such as a Lexus.

City Attorney Jan Seiden says he can't figure out why anyone would care about Gonzalez-Santamaria's personal finances. But Seiden also admitted that despite a background check on the new clerk, he had no idea the extent of her bankruptcy case.

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Gallagher, Watermelon-Smashing Right-Wing Comedian, Peddles Pro-Gay Play in Wynwood

Categories: Flotsam

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Nighscream, via Wikimedia Commons
Leo Gallagher is standing on the patio of Gramps Bar in Wynwood and explaining his new pro-gay play to a group of disheveled hipsters. The prop comic grew up in South Tampa and became famous in 1980 for his first special, "An Uncensored Evening." Although in decades past, the now-67-year-old was known for smashing watermelons on stage, he's currently famous for being racist and homophobic. Gallagher's also sporting the same hairstyle from 20 years ago, except it's all turned grey and is kept hidden under a fedora.

The subject matter of his latest script doesn't seem like it could come from the same man who quipped on stage in 2010 that the French "ruin our language with their faggy words" and re-interpreted the meaning of the phrase "we are nothing but dust" as "What is butt dust? Is that what you get if your homosexual isn't properly lubricated?"

Which brings us to this brainbuster: Why is Gallagher going around Wynwood and showing everyone the new play he's finishing up? Well, it's because it's about gay ballroom dancers, and this is the arts district. Duh.

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Meet the Israeli-American "Supernatural Healer" Coming to Miami Beach This Weekend

Categories: Flotsam

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via Youtube
"Is there a supernatural dimension? A life beyond the one we know? Is there life after death? Do angels exist? Can our dreams contain messages from Heaven? Can we tap into ancient secrets of the supernatural? Are healing miracles real?" Sid Roth has been looking into these matters for more than 30 years, and he's the host of a television show with an intro that asks those probing questions.

He's also the reason for a plague of flyers that descended upon Miami Beach's car windshield population Monday. Peeling Roth's card-stock overture off your vehicle yesterday morning, you might have wondered what the ads meant by a "lecture on the supernatural." You might also want to know what's up with Sid's promise that "many are PHYSICALLY HEALED."

Sid Roth would not be sympathetic to your confusion. The answers are quite obvious, really, the 74-year-old says.

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Miami's New Auxiliary Bishop Comes From Troubled Archdiocese to Miami, Advocate Group Says

Categories: Flotsam

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Miami's newest auxiliary bishop doesn't deserve the promotion, according to the oldest advocacy group for people abused by priests. Although Malta-born Monsignor Peter Baldacchino has never been accused of any wrongdoing himself, the group thinks his silence on the issue of abuse in his home archdiocese in Newark is worrisome.

It's true that the Archdiocese of Newark -- which Baldacchino reported to while serving for more than a decade in the Caribbean -- is troubled. Bishop-Accountability shows that 42 church officials there have been publicly accused of sexual abuse. Most notably, the Rev. Michael Fugee admitted to touching a young boy in 2001, and was not supposed to be around children afterward. Monsignor John Doran, the vicar general there, later resigned after it was revealed Fugee was still working with kids.

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Miami Beach Parking Authority Is an Evil, Unflinching Entity, and Here's Why

Categories: Flotsam

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flickr/ Mirandala
How it went down
Dear punk-ass Miami Beach Parking Authority:

Last week, you towed my 2013 Jetta sitting outside my house at 14th Street and Meridian Avenue and then scuttled into the night, leaving neither trace of my vehicle nor your chicanery. So when I set out on foot in search of my car the next morning, I naturally assumed some thief with a soft spot for reasonably priced German engineering and subtle off-white coloring was behind its disappearance.

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Miami Beach Now Has Its Own Official Sunscreen Line

Categories: Flotsam

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Move over Coppertone and Hawaiian Tropic. There's a new sunscreen brand in town, and it's literally named after the town.

After the City of Miami Beach negotiated a contract last year to license its name out to a sunscreen line, Miami Beachâ„¢ Suncare has now officially hit the shelves.

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