Are you a Miami sports fan who sometimes like to get high and look at weird things online (because if you come to Riptide for sports news, then you very well might be)? Well, it's been a good few weeks for you. Just after some weird "Dolphinception" video hit the web, we can now present you with this bizarre but wonderfully hypnotic music video about James Jones. How bizarre? Well the YouTube tags include "Sleep disorders," "Sleep studies," "Science," "Astral Travel," "Out Of Body Experience," "Dancers," "Babes," "Kittens," and "Puppies."
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Did you hear the news? CSI: Miami has been canceled. Dramatically remove your sunglasses in silence to pay your respects.

The series' execution puts a temporary end to one of our favorite Hollywood hack practices: take a successful movie or television show, and for a lazy sequel or spin-off transport the exact same concept to sunny, sexy Miami. See our top ten favorite examples here. Hopefully, CSI: Miami's demise doesn't end the practice once and for all (hey, the exposure is good for tourism). Here's some ideas for other potential cheesy Miami-set spin-offs of successful television shows.
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YouTube

A sailor grinds to the beat of Mentally Disturbed's "Swing That Thang"

This past March, Gabriel Perez was sitting in his Cape Coral home watching the NCAA basketball tournament when the game cut to commercial. He sat chuckling at a Buffalo Wild Wings ad.

You remember the one: A birthday telegram goes horribly wrong when a dweeby guy with the unfortunately unisex name of Tracy is sent the wrong dancer. Co-workers open the office door to find a male stripper shaking his sailor-uniformed-crotch in Tracy's stunned face. A boombox in the background blasts an appropriately raunchy song called "Swing That Thang."

That's when Perez nearly choked on his chips. Fifteen years earlier, Perez had written "Swing That Thang" as one of the founding members of Hialeah booty bass rap group Mentally Disturbed. And he hadn't given anyone permission to use the song.

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Thirty-three-year-old Pompano Beach resident Gasmy Joseph wears a supertall Mohawk. About a year ago, an epiphany struck when he wanted to spread the word about a buddy's birthday party: Why not advertise it on the hairdo?

In terms of innovation, Thomas Edison's light bulb now looks like a piece of infomercial junk.

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Back in 2010, José Luis de Jésus Miranda, leader of a Miami-Dade-based cult and the self described Antichrist, told us that the world was going to end on July 1st, 2012. Apparently the man who has a "666" tattoo on his forearm and openly refers to himself as "The Man Christ Jesus" has reworked his math -- he's now announced that the Earth will instead meet its final destination a day earlier on June 30, 2012. Oh, shucks, we had plans that day.
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God bless you, City Hall. Just when we begin to think that you are completely irrelevant, you burst back into our lives with a controversial proposal to plaster Miami with more gaudy logos and revenue-generating ads than a Mexican soccer jersey. Miami city commissioners voted down the crazy measure last night that would have let the city sell advertising space on parking meters, trees, lamp posts, public buildings, fences, highway pillars, and even fire hydrants (which should make walking the dog a little more fun).

But they also vowed to bring the measure back with more restrictions. Why not do the opposite, though? In this cash strapped town, they should be looking for every revenue stream they can sell -- starting with themselves.
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photo by Gilda via Wikimedia Commons

In the past year, the Magic City has seen more pop-ups than Katie Perry performing inside a correctional facility. We've been inundated with so-called "pop-up" restaurants, bars, and art galleries. Impromptu porno studios have popped-up (and then promptly deflated) on Monument Island, inside a pizzeria, and perhaps even inside on a public bus. Going out on the weekends has turned into a citywide game of pop-up whack-a-mole.

Now Miami's pop-up craze has gone too far. Case in point: city Commissioner Marc Sarnoff's recent decision to create a pop-up public park in Shorecrest in order to prevent sex offenders from moving in.
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Saturday Night Live dove full-on into the Trayvon Martin case this weekend. Of course, there's not a whole lot humor to be found in the specifics of the case, so instead the show lampooned CNN's Piers Morgan, Miami Marlins manager Ozzie Guillen (played by host Josh Brolin), and Florida in general ("Crazy laws are what Florida's all about. It's the number one reason maniacs come to Florida, after Disney World.")
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​Well, not really, but the fourth installment of the dance series Step Up takes place in Miami and centers around some of the city's most pressing issues: over-development and gentrification. Oh yeah, shit gets serious. Might this be the most important Miami political dance film ever? The first official trailer for Step Up 4 (AKA Step Up: Revolution) hit the web yesterday. Watch below.
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​Did you know that every year moose attack more people than bears and wolves combined? Did you know that you're apparently not supposed to go up and pet them? As Floridians we didn't. Neither did native Miamian Chantelle Hernandez, the unwitting star of a minor viral video in which she's seen petting a wild moose. Apparently up in Alaska that's the equivalent of kissing an alligator.
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