Miami News Blog

Photo via NefariousGirl.com

Shelley Novak

South Beach's legendary queen of drag, Shelley Novak, is normally full of sassy one-liners and puns about penis size. But she has a straight face when explaining, "It was like Friday the 13th. He came running up my stairs, chasing after me with wild, crazy eyes."

She's reliving the moment before she called police to report an alleged assault last week. Her contention: A gay man named Zachary Cerre hit her face and smashed his fist though the window of her apartment on West Avenue.

Cerre has not been charged with a crime. He swears the man in a wig is making it all up. "She's a washed-up old queen who just wants attention," he says. "Everything she told cops is a lie."

In the late '90s, Shelley Novak -- whose real name is Tommy Strangie -- was a South Beach celebrity. She shared VIP rooms with Madonna and once threw up on Ricky Martin's shoes. Most of that boozy glamour came to a halt after Gianni Versace was shot dead outside his Ocean Drive mansion in 1997.

​If you've had better things to do than watch daytime television and nibble leftover Chinese food, you might have missed the tragic news. The TV show Judge David Young -- a courtroom drama staring the sassy former Miami-Dade man in robe -- will air for the last time September 4. Which is to say, Riptide will cry all afternoon.

​Bitchy celebrity blogger Perez Hilton made a name for himself drawing cocaine boogers on photos of movie stars. That, and spreading hateful -- OK, kind of hilarious -- morsels of Hollywood gossip. So, what in hell is he doing on the August cover of The Advocate?

​Remember Keith Meinhold? Yeah, Riptide didn't either -- mostly because we were more into reading Goosebumps books back when the gay Navy officer made headlines in all the big newspapers. It was the summer of 1992. And even the paragon of media integrity The Rush Limbaugh Show followed his story.

This week's feature follows bad ass lady boxer Christina Swanson into the weird world of women's boxing in South Florida. Here's some video footage of her fight against Jennifer Wolfe-Fenn at the 2009 Women's National Golden Gloves Championships.

Via neotechproductions.com

James Grayson went job hunting in August 2003. He found the kitchen from hell.

A gay 38-year-old with a thin mustache, Grayson was hired as a line cook at Golden Corral on South Dixie Highway in Homestead. He made ham omelets and bloody steaks at the buffet table for mostly blue-collar families.

Regulars liked his upbeat personality, but -- according to a lawsuit filed last month in Miami-Dade District Court -- the other cooks didn't. They called him "faggot," "sissy," and "batty boy," Caribbean slang for gay. He quietly put up with it. But then he began to feel physically threatened.

In lengthy and explicit detail, Grayson contends restaurant employees and managers were so homophobic they made former Miss California Carrie Prejean look profoundly tolerant. The hate flared when Grayson was promoted to crew leader in spring 2004. "I think they resented taking orders from a gay man," he recalls during a recent interview at a Coconut Grove coffee shop. He pensively taps his long fingernails and says, "It hurt."

In January 2007, as Grayson was frying a steak for a couple of out-of-towners, Courtney Weekes, a Jamaican-born prep chef with a shaved head, became jealous of Grayson's tips. He slammed a butcher knife down on a stainless-steel counter, centimeters from Grayson's fingers. "Get out of my area, faggot!" he growled.

 You gay porn connoisseurs might know Bruno Diaz from Wet Dreams, Part 2 and the very subtly titled: Thick as Thieves. Or maybe you horndogs recognize him as Coast Guard Officer #1 in 1999's quadruple X-rated Hot Times in Little Havana. Remember that oldie but goodie? After a tanned and boyish Cuban rafter washes up on shore, Bruno -- whose oiled-up muscles look like they're trying to escape from his black uniform -- asks "Where are your papers?"

Then he strips the Cuban naked, slips on some rubber gloves, and conducts a full-cavity search. There's lots of moaning, a good old fashioned salad-tossing, and -- naturally -- some anal lovin'. In the end, he lets the rafter go.

Two thumbs up.

But now, folks at his new gig are less than pleased with his, uh, performance. This past spring, Bruno was hired as manager of the Miami Beach Police Athletic League gym in Flamingo Park. In that job, he sits at a desk and collects payments down the hall from a kids' program.

Recently he's been the subject of at least four letters of complaint to Miami Beach Chief of Police Carlos Noriega and Police Athletic League board members. Three of them are rather humdrum. He has a "rude attitude," had "arguments" and caused "discomfort." (PAL is a nonprofit organization independent of Miami Beach Police.)

Then there's this one: "Is there a reasonable explanation why Bruno Diaz, gay hardcore porn star, is employed and managing a Police Athletic League gym at Flamingo Park?... It is really disturbing that Bruno and the PAL is in the same building as the after school program for children in the grades [K-6]. Bruno and the young boys and girls peruse the halls together. Is this appropriate?" It is signed by "A Concerned Miami Beach Resident."

Ouch.

It's the most unique custody battle in recent Florida history. And perhaps the most radical family court decision.

via Flagler County Sheriff's Office

The male-to-female transsexual sent to jail after a client's botched cosmetic procedure ended in death was arrested again this morning. Flagler County Sheriff's Office deputies and Florida Department of Health agents raided the quiet two-story home of Donnie Hendrix at 8 a.m. They collared her for practicing medicine without a license. She's accused of charging $400 to $600 for silicone injections, the same procedure that killed a 53-year-old Miramar secretary in 2001.

My, how sexual harassment claims have evolved. In the nineties, the headlines always went like this: Pretty Young Female Subordinate Sues Insensitive Boss. You didn't hear much about the unfortunate boys who were groped, gawked at or objectified on the job.

But check this out: A group of Miami-based litigators just won a $110,000 settlement against Dillard's department store for a same-sex harassment suit in Orlando. The case, which includes some creepy details, closed today.

"Companies don't seem to address same-sex harassment," says Nora Curtin, a Miami-based EEOC attorney who worked the case. "They need to treat it just as seriously."

According to the lawsuit, the harassment began back in 2007, after a manager brought a young manual laborer named Paul(last name removed for privacy) "to isolated areas of the work premises." He lured Paul and others "under the pretext of performing work and then [started] masturbating," according to court documents.

The manager got more bold. He left behind his Pee-wee Herman-in-the-porn-theater moves, and graduated to "pressing his genitals against [Paul's] body," court documents show. Next he "forcibly touched [Paul's] penis."

Thursday is an important day for domestic partners -- gay and straight -- in the city of Miami. Commissioners will vote on an ordinance that gives employment benefits to long-term couples. The big issue: right to health insurance for city employees.

Advocates at Save Dade ask that folks who support the bill arrive at Miami City Hall - Commission Chambers, 3500 Pan American Dr., Coconut Grove, at 9:30 a.m. Thursday.

A message from Save: "Your presence is important because it will provide the commissioners with the assurance that our community believes in employment benefits -- including health care... There is no definite time in which the ordinance will be heard, but it will be early on the agenda, so plan on arriving at 9:30 to be sure not to miss it."

There's a tall tale about female lobsters -- one that's supposed to serve as a grim analogy for womankind. As it goes, two things happen when you're boiling a pot of live lobsters. (1) If the pot is full of males, they will scramble to form a ladder with their bodies and help one another escape. (2) If the pot is full of females, they'll grab and claw, and hold one another down until they drown. It's an urban legend, one of those pop-feminist "facts" that has spread across the internet like a case of herpes simplex two.

It's horrible to say, but we couldn't help expecting the Aqua Girl pool party to be a little bit like this. Hundreds of women were packed into the same small, gated space. The noontime sun was unfathomably hot. And there was VERY little shade or water. Miami's claim to lesbian fame had all the makings for a total bust.

Florida is behind the times when it comes to gay rights, (Remember Amendment 2? And that whole adoption thing?) But at least the rest of the country is catching on.

Back in 2004, New York Times/CBS conducted a poll in which they asked people, "Do you support gay marriage?" Only 22 percent of respondents answered "Yes." Results from the same poll came back yesterday and -- judging by the jump to 42 percent -- ideologies have changed pretty dramatically in the past five years. As the Times points out, a lot of it has to do with big time support from people under 40. Even some republican political strategists are re-thinking whether the gay marriage issue will be as effective when it comes to rallying voters in the future. Example: John McCain's strategist believes, "Republicans [are] in danger of losing these younger voters unless the party comes to appreciate how issues like gay marriage resonate, or do not resonate."

Fortunately for Floridian republicans, the Sunshine State still has the most old folks per capita. (Grumble, grumble.)

Annette Soler would make a kick-ass comic book character. The librarian by day/bodybuilder by night makes you wonder if she's sporting a Superwoman costume under her white collared shirt. Though she's not the largest of the oiled-up figure competitors, the formerly obese 32-year-old has overcome the most to produce her tight, chiseled body. Born with a thyroid disorder, Solar -- a five-foot-three-inch bookworm -- weighed 230 pounds and barely had the energy to get out of bed when she began training two years ago. "My friends were like, 'You're doing what?'" she says. "I just started working out like crazy." 

There were a thousand little reasons to cheer -- or laugh or cry -- at the first Miami Beach Gay Pride Parade this past Saturday. To name a few: A sweet-faced elderly couple carried a sign that read "George and Peter. Together 65 years." Then there was the tight-bodied pack of beautiful women in bikinis gyrating to house music on a giant papier-mâché cheeseburger float. Not to mention the appearance from Miami Beach City Commissioner Victor Diaz, who openly snuggled with a windswept blond fellow wearing an "I Love Miami Beach" T-shirt.

But Riptide is a member of the media, and thus a bit of a jerk. So our favorite moment came when a conflict arose amid all of the hugs and good vibes. Allow us to explain why: Around 2 p.m. -- amid a crowd of 20,000 happy GLBT folks -- one brave bigot busted out a bullhorn and sign that read, "Fear God." The portly, goateed homophobe stood in the middle of the street and chanted, "You can choose not to be a homo! God hates fags!"

Needless to say, he was outnumbered, and it could have gotten nasty. But instead of throwing punches (or, more likely, frozen blue rum drinks), onlookers tried something else. First, a cute lesbian couple stood directly in front of him and began a defiant, two-minute kiss. Cameramen and tourists cheered and seemed to forget about his sign. Other couples followed suit -- mostly sweaty, shirtless gay men -- smooching in protest. After a few minutes, a Miami Beach cop ushered the chubby protester to the side, where people mostly pointed and laughed at him. (Score: gays, 1; homophobes, 0.)

If you think your family is dysfunctional, go see Quemar las Naves. Chances are, you'll feel better about it. Miami Latin Gay Film Festival opens tonight with a fascinating tale about a brother and sister living in a crumbling, isolated villa with their dieing mother in central Mexico. Directed by newcomer Francisco Franco, Quemar las Naves (Burn the Bridges) won audience and cinematography awards at Morelia International Film Festival in Mexico, but hasn't been released in the United States. Here's the gist according to a Variety Magazine:

"Siblings Helena and Sebastian develop the hots for each other while caring for their dying, cancer-ridden mom. Add in the family's snooping maid Chaya; the awkward homoerotic impulses Sebastian feels for the new boy at school, Juan, and the familiar tropes of a sprawling bourgeois manse on the edge of decay and the oppressive atmosphere of Sebastian's Catholic-run school, and the film would seem awash in clichés and narrative minefields. Instead, Franco and screenwriter Maria Renee Prudencio find a groove early on that keeps the film hopping with the unexpected, hinging everything on the volatile emotions of a pair of teens on the precipice of major life changes."

(Read comments from above actor after the jump.)

Thank God for websites like Askmen.com. Without them, where would the single males of the world learn jewels of social wisdom such as "Why being nice doesn't work" and "Ten things to have in your house that women love"? (Attention, gentlemen: You should apparently "try to get your hands on a cowbell. If she's seen the popular SNL skit, she'll die laughing -- and if she hasn't, you will win points for being the first person to show it to her.")

This week, we learned the site -- clearly authored by Casanova himself -- does more than post Cosmo-style top ten lists encouraging men to try too hard. In a compilation of the "29 best cities for men," Miami was one of five U.S. cities to get a shoutout, largely for our condo bust, which the writers say has prompted "amazing deals on homes." Oh yeah, and all of those "physiques on the beach" also got us some points.

The site notes: "Brand-new condominiums are being transformed into rental communities, and a wave of new residents is expected to populate areas such as Miami Downtown, Brickell, and Midtown in the next couple of years." To determine the best cities, Askmen.com claims to have used "a statistical formula" for eight lifestyle categories. They included livability, culture, dating and sex, sports, and -- lucky for us -- "power and money." Of 29 cities, only San Francisco, Miami, Chicago, Portland and L.A. were among the American crop. (Oh snap, New York!)