MDC Professor Brutally Attacked on Campus, Possibly by Student Angry Over Grades

Categories: Crime

screencap via CBS 4
Miami Dade College music professor Marc Magellan was heading into a Kendall campus parking garage last week when someone yelled out, "Professor Marc!"

Next thing Magellan knew, he'd been punched in the face, knocked to the concrete, and brutally beaten until his nose shattered and his hand broke. The music teacher is still baffled by the beatdown and tells the Miami Herald that a student disgruntled over his grades might be the only logical explanation.

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Army Hair Rule Discriminates Against Black Women

Categories: Luke's Gospel

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Alex Izaguirre
Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke takes on the Army's crack down on African American hair.

The Pentagon is more concerned with enforcing a racist policy aimed at African-American female military personnel than addressing the Army's suicide epidemic among soldiers. Earlier this month, the Army banned hairstyles typically worn by black women -- twists, dreadlocks, and large cornrows. Sixteen African-American congresswomen -- including our own Democratic representative, Frederica Wilson -- recently signed a letter urging Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel to reconsider the ban.

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Craft Brewery-Killing Bill Advances In Senate

Categories: Politicks

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Photo by Infrogmation via Wikimedia Commons
In 47 states, beer drinkers can happily purchase and imbibe from 64-ounce growlers, the glass jugs commonly sold at smaller or craft breweries. In Florida, Prohibition-era laws have kept the size illegal, prompting a years-long effort by Sunshine State craft brewers and supporters to join the rest of the nation and drop the ban.

The result was Florida House Bill 1329, which proposed legalizing the larger size. But after the bill made it to the state Senate in late March, an amendment was added -- thanks to the influence of industry titan Anheuser-Busch -- that critics say would effectively cut Florida's nascent craft brewing industry at its knees: Craft brewers would be prohibited from selling their own products themselves, instead being forced to pay a distributor to act as a middleman.

See also: Florida Bill Would Force Craft Breweries To Sell Their Beer To Distributors Then Buy it Back

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305 Photo of the Day Crossing Your Path

Today's photo comes from Blue Skyz Media's Flickr. If you'd like to see your photo here join our Flickr group.

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Bobcats Flew Back to Charlotte to Avoid Miami Temptations

Categories: Sports

Apparently, Miami's reputation as Vice City worried Charlotte Bobcats coach Steve Clifford just a little too much. Rather than having his team spend two free days in this tempting city of sin between playoff games, he flew his young team back to Charlotte.

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Supreme Court Won't Hear Rick Scott's Drug-Testing Case

Rick Scott has apparently never met a person he doesn't want to test for drugs. Whether welfare recipients or state employees, the governor has created quite the controversy throughout his first term by unleashing strict plans to drug-test Floridians -- only to see those plans challenged and derailed in court.

Well, today the U.S. Supreme Court refused to hear Scott's appeal of a lower court's decision that his plan to drug-test all state workers is unconstitutional.

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Miami Ranked the Third Least Funny City in America

Categories: Survey Says

Well, it has been a while since Jackie Gleason was broadcasting here.
Do you think this is some sort of joke? Miami is apparently in the midst of a comedy crisis, according to a new study that attempts to rank each of America's 50 largest metro areas by how funny they are. Miami came in 48th out of 50.

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Here's What Miami's New Downtown Train Station Might Look Like

Categories: News

Courtesy of All Aboard Florida
If All Aboard Florida gets its way, Miamians will be able to hop on a train downtown as soon as next year and disembark in Orlando three hours later. The company, which owns a freight line that runs along Florida's east coast, is banking on a $1.5 billion federal loan to build a new set of tracks for the nation's largest privately run passenger train service.

Of course this is Florida, so the project still has tons of unanswered questions and a whiff of corruption tied to Gov. Rick Scott's staff. But if the train line comes to fruition, the company says Miami's new Grand Central Station would look something like the rendering above.

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BankUnited Discriminates Against Gun Dealers, Local Store Owners Claim

Categories: Business

Wikimedia Commons
T.R. Liberti is not the type of man to mince words. His full name -- Theodore Roosevelt Liberti -- "sounds like a black football player," he jokes. His Costa Rican wife, Elizabeth, "is not like an immigrant. She comes from a wealthy family and is well educated." As for his line of work -- the New Jersey native has spent 47 years in firearms sales and instruction -- Liberti says guns are "fun."

"Some people bowl," he says. "Other people get together and shoot."

So it's no surprise the irascible 70-year-old couches the couple's feud with BankUnited in simple terms: "They are a bunch of chickenshits."

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Dwyane Wade Stopped Resting So He Could Destroy the Bobcats in Game One

Categories: Sports

Sunday's postseason opener answered one of the few questions some had about this Miami Heat team. Yes, Dwyane Wade is OK. And yes, he was taking names of everyone slandering him as he rested this season. Wade shot 10-16 for 23 points in 34 minutes, helping the Heat turn a tight first half into a comfortable 99-88 win.

After playing only 53 games this season, including just six in the past month, there was a bit of a question about how fast LeBron and Wade would hit their familiar playoff speed.

The answer: about two quarters.

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Miami Heat vs. Charlotte Bobcats: Five Things To Watch

Categories: Sports

Welcome back to the three most stressful months of your life, it's time to basketball. The NBA Playoffs have finally arrived and the Miami Heat are right where you expected them to be, firmly cemented as the odds-on favorite to repeat as World Champions. A less than dominant regular season has some wondering if the Heat can raise their level of play to the rare air they have lived in the past few years, but expecting anything less would be a mistake -- these are the back-to-back NBA Champions we are talking about, they own that air space.

First things first, the Charlotte Bobcats stand as the Heat's first test. During the Big Three Era the Heat are 16-0 versus Charlotte, although most of that came before the team added Al Jefferson this past summer. The Bobcats are the only NBA franchise that has never won a single playoff game. Needless to say, Charlotte is a gigantic underdog in this series.

The action tips-off today 3:30 p.m. on ABC. Here are a few things to watch for as the Miami Heat take their first steps in accomplishing the rare three-peat.

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Jeff Herman, Miami Lawyer, Behind Bryan Singer Sex Abuse Lawsuit

Miami-based lawyer Jeff Herman is the nation's leading attorney when it comes to handling high-profile sexual abuse lawsuits. He's taken on the archdioceses of both Miami and Denver, billionaire Jeffrey Epstein, Elmo puppeteer Kevin Clash, and now X-Men director Bryan Singer.

Just two days after winning a $5.25 million verdict for a victim of sexual abuse at the Downtown Miami Charter School last Tuesday, he announced a suit against Singer.

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305 Photo of the Day: Sip, Sip

Today's photo comes from BlueSkyzMedia's Flickr. If you'd like to see your photo here join our Flickr group.

Follow Miami New Times on Facebook and Twitter @MiamiNewTimes.

Miami Architect Sweetened Job Listing for Colorado Office with Promise of Legal Pot

Categories: Drugs

Photo via PabloEvans' Flickr | CC2.0
Max Strang is one of Miami's leading young architects. He's best known for his mid-century modern homes, and operates out of a Coconut Grove office. Though, his firm also keeps a satellite branch in a remote part of Telluride, Colorado. So last fall when he was looking to fill a position in that office he added an unusual benefit to the job listing: legalized marijuana.

No, he wasn't actually going to give the eventual job applicant some "welcome to the office" green, but the listing made clear he didn't care if you smoked on your own time.

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Sorry Florida, Stuffed Baby Alligators In Odd Poses Are About To Become Illegal

Categories: WTF Florida

Photo by Ianaré Sévi via Wikimedia Commons.
Looking for a nice stuffed baby alligator posed so it looks like it's waving hello for your living room or bedside table? Better act fast.

The Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission proposed a new set of alligator-related rules Thursday, and, in addition to suggesting changes like a new 24-hour hunting season, the Commission moved to outlaw the sale of stuffed baby alligators that depict "an unnatural body or body part positioning." That means those irresistible stuffed standing--and yes, waving--baby alligators would become illegal.

See also: Boob Mugs and Novelty Thongs: Kitschy Gifts from South Beach's Sleaziest Stores

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Ultra Music Festival Hires Miami Beach Police Chief As Its New Security Director

Categories: News

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Photo by George Martinez
Ultra is hoping hiring Miami Beach police chief Ray Martinez fixes its security problems.
Ultra Music Festival has announced that its new security director will be none other than current Miami Beach police chief Ray Martinez.

The move makes sense. Martinez already announced that he's stepping down at the end of this month. Meanwhile, Ultra is seeking to assuage the City of Miami after a security disaster in which gatecrashers trampled a private guard.

But that doesn't mean the marriage is made in heaven. Under Martinez, Miami Beach police fatally Tasered a teenage graffiti artist, roughed up a model, and beat-up a good samaritan for coming to her aid. How will he handle Ultra?

See also: Teenager Israel Hernandez Dies After Miami Beach Cops Catch Him Tagging, Taser Him

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Rick Scott Let Florida Ask Him Questions on Facebook and Things Got Weird

Categories: Politicks

via Rick Scott's Facebook
The governor prepares for a civil discussion. Florida was not interested.
Around 6 p.m. last night, Gov. Rick Scott took off his jacket, perched onto an uncomfortable folding chair in an empty room and flipped open his Macbook to have a reasonable Facebook question-and-answer session with the fine folks in his state.

But then somewhere around the 19th personal attack wedged between questions about why he hates gun owners and wants to kill native fish with genetically engineered predators, Scott quietly logged off, shut his laptop and despaired over the fatal flaw in this plan: He lives in Florida.

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Mugshots Friday: Permanent Chin Pubes

Categories: Mugshots Friday

Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that series.

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Miami Heat's Ten Most Dramatic Playoff Moments

Categories: Sports

The NBA Playoffs begin Sunday for the Miami Heat against the Charlotte Bobcats, and lord knows it's not their first time at the dance. It will be the team's 18th appearance in their relatively young 26-year history. That of course has led to a lot of dramatic playoff moments. Here are our picks for the most dramatic.

See also: Heat Playoff Schedule Is Set: Here's What's Standing Between Miami and a Three-Peat

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Miami's Jewish Congregations Disturbed By Ukraine's "Jewish Registration" Letters

Photo by MosheA via Wikimedia Commons
Miami Beach became one of the Jewish capitals of America thanks in part to the mass immigration fleeing anti-Semitism in Eastern Europe under the Nazis. So it's no surprise that when news broke earlier today about fliers circulating in eastern Ukraine demanding that Jewish residents "register" with the government, switchboards lit up at local Jewish centers from residents worried about the implications.

"The situation has to be taken very seriously," said Rabbi Marc Philippe of the Temple Emanu-El synagogue in Miami Beach. "When people didn't take it too seriously in 1940, 1939 we know what happened...It's so eerie that it's exactly the same scenario that is happening over there."

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