​In news that will shock no one who eats out on South Beach, parks in Brickell or tries to buy some influence with the Miami-Dade County Commission (those lobbying fees ain't cheap!), Miami has been honored this morning as one of the most overpriced towns in the nation.

High unemployment, skyrocketing cost of living, expensive housing and the inability of residents to resist those Russian models waving menus around tourist traps on Lincoln Road are all cited in the report. (OK, maybe not that last one.)
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Two Orcs celebrate Lebron James losing out on his precious NBA championship ring.

​2011 sucked for the average Miami sports fan. The Big 3 and the Miami Heat were bitched-slapped by the most annoying guest star on Entourage, a German white walker, a Puerto Rican hobbit, and the most overrated sixth man in the NBA. The Ex-Florida-Now-Miami Marlins continued to suck on the field and in attendance while putting the finishing touches on the new ballpark amid a federal investigation. The Miami Dolphins are still the poster boys for NFL mediocrity. And the Al Golden era over the University of Miami football program kicked off with the Nevin Shapiro scandal and ended with disappointing 6-6 record.

But this past year, there were far more insane sports headlines involving only-in-South-Florida-twists. We've highlighted the top five from 2011:
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​We here at Riptide are responsible for penning somewhere in the neighborhood of 3,000 blog posts a year. They run the gamut from hard-hitting investigative stories to lighthearted satire. That's our responsibility.

You, the internet browsing populace, your responsibility is clicking on and reading those stories. So in a way, you're responsible for our top ten posts of the year by pageviews.

Do we consider this Riptide's greatest hits of 2011? Maybe and maybe not, but we do know these are the posts you responded to more than anything. So, basically, we know that you love booty. So very much booty.
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​When the Miami Art Museum announced it was renaming itself for real estate mogul Jorge Perez, people lost their minds. It wasn't just that the new acronym, PAMM, sounds more like a cooking spray than an art collection. No, people were really pissed off because Perez only forked over an extra $5 million up front to get his name etched in perpetuity. (He had already promised $5 million plus $15 million worth of his art collection; another $10 million will be donated down the road.)

Hey, MAM, if you're going to whore yourself out, you could have at least done it to the highest bidder. To help you, we tracked down five much more appropriate Miami sponsors who could really bring home the Britto bacon:
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Wikimedia Commons

September's fatal shooting at Nocturnal got us wondering: What really goes on behind the velvet ropes in Miami's most chichi clubs? Our sickly journalist physique hardly qualified us to infiltrate the tanned and Ed Hardy-clad world, so instead we requested 12 months of police reports from one SoBe hot spot: Mynt Lounge.

To be abundantly clear: Mynt is no worse than its competitors. Records show Miami Beach cops received 81 calls from Mynt over the past year, compared to 76 from nearby Club Play and 139 from Dream Nightclub. In the past year, records show, Mynt's exclusive clientele have been busted for coke possession, copping a feel, and pissing on the dance floor.
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Lead on, Pied Piper. To Star Island!

​"Occupy Miami is hidden," one woman randomly complained to us over the phone earlier this week. "No one even knows that they are there!"

To be fair, she may have a point. Tucked behind the Stephen P. Clark Government Center like a cozy small-town college tailgating party, Occupy Miami has proved one of the nation's most peaceful -- and perhaps least confrontational -- anti-Wall Street protests. This Tuesday's march to Bank of America was a start, but maybe it's time to think bigger.

We're not advocating Oakland-style dumpster fires or anything, but here's a list of five places we think could do with a visit from the 99 percent.
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Just kidding. There are no ushers in Miami movie theaters.

​Our sister paper in New York City just published a list of ten things that city's citizens need to stop doing. But let's face it: Even when you consider the number of Williamsburg hipsters, Miamians are still way more annoying than New Yorkers.

Miamians are space invaders. Which is to say, they invade your space. Whether you're driving your car, watching a movie, or eating at a restaurant, there is no way to ever forget you're in Miami.

It's endearing, sort of. But mostly it's annoying. Here, then, are the ten things we all need to stop doing immediately for the sanity of our fellow locals. If Miami had mountains, we'd stand atop one hoisting tablets inscribed with these rules.

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Coach Erik Spolestra: "Will lose championships for food."

​With the player lockout putting the 2011-2012 NBA season into question, it's only a matter of time before the league's poor, mistreated multi-millionaires are forced to pick up second jobs for rent money, car payments and general "make it rain all over the poor people" supplies.More >>

eBay user tonystradingpost

You can get your mother sent to the hospital for less than $20!

​Father's Day is Sunday and you haven't bought him anything, you ungrateful pud. Here are some items you can bid on as of Friday afternoon to thank the man who watched your mom give birth to you. They're all within 50 miles of Miami, so you can run and pick it up instead of having to wait for FedEx to throw it in your shrubs.
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via YouTube user SalmonCookie

Coral Gables Code Enforcement Officer Andrew Clute during a deposition that is somehow both silly and boring.

​Some communities debate over police levels, school funding and the mayor's race -- you know, real issues.

Coral Gables burdens itself with pickup trucks.

Starting August 8, the city will once again enforce a ban on parking a pickup truck on the street or in a driveway between 7 p.m. and 7 a.m. Somebody better start causing problems in the Gables, because administrators have gotten much too bored and are filling the time being idiots.
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