The Nine Worst South Florida Social Media Catastrophes

Categories: Listicles

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Social media can be a fun and enriching way to build your personal brand, keep in touch with friends, and share enlightening and helpful information.

It can also be a wretched hellhole of pure stupidity, endless misery, and unimaginable human horrors. Of course, South Florida have given us myriad examples of that.

So here now: the nine levels of South Florida social media hell.

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The Ten Actual Trashiest Spring Break Destinations

Categories: Listicles

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CoEd.com has unveiled their 20 trashiest Spring Break destinations for 2014, and Miami came in on the list at number 7. God damn it, we did not just build a brand new Herzog & De Meuron art museum to be branded as a trashy Spring Break destination with the likes of Panama City and Gulf Shores, thank you very much.

In fact, just right off the top of our heads we can think of at least ten far trashier destinations that didn't even make it on the list.

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Nine Reasons Miami Is the Best City Name Ever

Categories: Listicles

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It's a weird bit of civic pride, sure, but have you thought about how lucky we are to live in a city with as pretty a name as Miami? We could live in some town with a clunk of a name like "Fresno" or "Pittsburgh" or "Fort Lauderdale," but instead we have this short, elegant name that uses just three letters to lead to some awesome word play and design possibilities.

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Ten Differences Between Miamians and New Yorkers

Categories: Listicles

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We survived the New York invasion that is Art Basel, but make no mistake: New Yorkers are still very much among us and will be for the rest of the season. While both cities may be noted for their diverse makeup, rudeness, and cosmopolitan flair, we still can't help but view New Yorkers as something of a strange breed very different from ourselves.

Oh sure, this list of ten differences between Miamians and New Yorkers relies a bit too heavily on stereotypes of the jet-setting type of New Yorker who flies here for Basel and New Year's Eve. But considering most New Yorkers are convinced the only part of Miami is South Beach, we don't feel too bad about it.

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Miami New Times Ten Most Read Feature Stories of 2013

Categories: Listicles

Miami New Times has never had a year quite like 2013. In January, we dropped a bomb on Major League Baseball when our Biogenesis investigation revealed a massive doping scandal in Coral Gables. In April, Michael Bay released "Pain & Gain," a major production with the Rock and Mark Wahlberg based on a New Times feature story. By the end of the year, features on a killer porn star, the troubled life of a former online cam girl and Thomas Kramer's downfall had riled and entertained the Magic City.

Check out the ten most-read features we wrote this year, and here's hoping 2014 is even wilder.

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Miami's Dirty Dozen 2013: The Characters Who Shamed the Magic City This Year

Categories: Listicles

Every year, Miami New Times names the 12 most awful people in our community -- one per month -- and then asks acclaimed artist Derf to caricature them so you can feel better about your jerk neighbors.

Click through to meet the scoundrels who shamed the Magic City this year. Consider it our Christmas present from Riptide. Enjoy!

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Deadly Tweets and Facebook Killers: Riptide's Ten Most Popular Stories This Year

Categories: Listicles

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Actual image of Riptide staff
Or "The 10 Most Totally Amazeballs Posts From Riptide This Year" or "Terry McCoy, Kyle Munzenrieder, Mike Miller, Allie Conti, Francisco Alvarado and Tim Elfrink Write Popular Posts" or "Are these the ten most popular Riptide posts of the year?"

We at Riptide haven't quite settled on a cloying headline format designed to ensure maximum vitality, but we do pretty well in the page view department anyways. In fact, here are our ten most popular posts from 2013.

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Coral Gables Is Miami's Best Neighborhood

Categories: Listicles

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via DKeros' Flickr/MNT Press Pool
With a city hall as epic as this, is there even a question?
My colleagues argue that the Beaches, both North and South, are the best neighborhoods in Miami-Dade. Which is fine, I suppose, if you're the kind of person who wants to drag sand into your tiny apartment every afternoon and whatever boozy hookup you picked up every night. It's a fun life for awhile, but most serious people who want to establish a life in Miami-Dade dream of calling only one city home: Coral Gables.

It's "the City Beautiful," after all, and here are ten reasons it's the city best.

See also: South Beach Is Miami's Best Neighborhood, Hands Down

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Ten Things You Need to Stop Doing During Art Basel Week

Categories: Listicles

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Art Basel week: where fine art brings out the crudeness in people.

Something about all that free booze, the nagging sense there's always a better party than the one you're at, and viewing copious amounts of art in a setting akin to Black Friday can bring out the worst conduct in some people. So, to prevent you from annoying those around you and enhance your Basel experience, we politely offer these behaviors to avoid.

See also: Art Basel Miami Beach 2013 Fairs Guide

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South Beach Is Miami's Best Neighborhood, Hands Down

Categories: Listicles

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South Beach: Miami's best neighborhood
This is going to sound weird, but South Beach, I love you. I arrived to your sandy shores three and a half years ago: a moon-eyed Midwesterner with a century's supply of sunscreen, regular sleep patterns, and a steady girlfriend. Now I'm a single, sun-scorched insomniac -- and I couldn't be happier.

That's because South Beach is the best neighborhood in Miami. Set aside your snarky SoBe prejudices and consider this: We're home to the best beaches, bodies, and bars or restaurants in town. We're the glamorous, glittery, glowing neon nerve center of the city, perhaps the entire country. And, oh yeah, we've got terrific boobs.

So you can keep your Brickell condo, your house in Hialeah, and your Wynwood warehouse loft. South Beach is the spot to be, and here's why.

See also: North Beach Is the Best Neighborhood in Miami, and Here's Why

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