Miami's 12 Biggest Instagram Clichés

Categories: Listicles

Miami is one of the most selfie-obsessed cities in the world, so it only makes sense that we're all obsessed with Instagram.

But even if a picture speaks a thousand words, it certainly seems like Miamians keep saying a lot of the same things. We can't help but broadcast photo evidence of all the awesome places we go with all of our awesome friends, nor can we hold in our visual bragging and narcissism. This leads to a lot of the same types of a pictures crossing the feeds of Miami's Instagram crew.

So in the interest of sparking some photo creativity, we've illustrated some of our city's biggest Instagram clichés using our very special model (a ripoff Barbie doll from a dollar store) and our phone's camera app.

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Eight Types of Miami Douchebag You May Know

Categories: Listicles

Photo bu WikiCommons
Miami is a melting pot of douchebags. Seriously, so many types of douchebag. In fact, happy long-term social survival in Miami means quickly spotting douchebags and avoiding them at all costs or dealing with them properly.

To help you with that task, we've prepared this guide to various kinds of douches you may know. However, be careful, because an individual douchebag can meet the criteria for different types (they're sort of like Pokemon that way), and some douches are their own unique type of douche in that they just can't be classified.

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The Most Popular Riptide Posts of 2014

Categories: Listicles

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Courtesy of Boston Public Library | Flickr CC 2.0
What better way to start 2015 than by looking back on 2014?

If our most page view-baiting stories of 2015 are any indication, you guys sure like super local jokes and tabloid stories.

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Steroids, Scams and Scheming Prostitutes: Miami News Times Most-Read Features of 2014

Categories: Listicles

From a ladykilling Instagram star to a scheming band of prostitutes to investigations into a broken VA hospital and an abusive center for teens, it's been a helluva year for longform story-telling at Miami New Times.

Here were our most-read tales in 2014:

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University of Miami Is Tops in Churning Out TV Judges

Categories: Listicles

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Just three years ago, mega-attorney Roy Black wrote in a candid blog post: "The UM Law School is in a death spiral; we have plummeted in the law school rankings, falling to 77th, while UF is 47 and FSU is 50. This is more than a little embarrassing."

Yes, the University of Miami law school is not held in the highest of regards.

But there is no denying that UM does something really, really well compared to all other programs: turning out graduates who go on to become TV judges. Seriously, the University of Miami has more alumni who have gone on to host their own daytime courtroom show than any other school.

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Why Halloween Is Miami's Most Stressful Holiday

Categories: Listicles

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Photo by Logan Fazio
It's Halloween, and Riptide has decided to go as the scariest costume we can think of: A Thought Catalog or Elite Daily writer! Spooky! Because the best costumes are things that scare the hell out of you, but also on some level resonate with you.

Yes, it's time for an overly earnest and yet somehow vague post about why Halloween in Miami is so stressful. We'd add "in your 20s" to that title, but tons of people way past the age continue to act like they're in their 20s in Miami. We also thought about "When you're single," but, again, plenty of people in relationships in this town continue to act like they're single anyway. So why bother?

Whatever the case, Halloween is particularly stressful in Miami. Along with New Year's Eve, it's one of two big holidays you spend with your friends from the time you're in your teens to the time you have kids. Which means everyone wants to have the Best! Night! Ever! Which rarely happens.

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25 Reasons to Be Glad Miami Doesn't Have a Real Fall

Categories: Listicles

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Photo by Bahman's Flickr | CC2.0
It's the first week of fall ... or autumn. We're not sure. Some people are so obsessed with this season that they've given it not one but two different names while using it as an excuse to put pumpkin spice on everything and knit mittens while drinking hot chocolate around a bonfire or some nonsense.

Seriously, people in other parts of the country go crazy for fall. We're not really sure why. That time of year in South Florida is just summer 2.0 but with the added bonus of slightly less bugs and humidity. It really wasn't hard actually to come up with 25 reasons why we're glad that we don't have a real autumn.

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All 34 Cities in Miami-Dade County, Ranked From Worst to Best

Categories: Listicles

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Photo by Ann Baekken | Flickr CC 2.0
Somewhere over Miami-Dade.
There's nowhere in the U.S. quite like Miami-Dade County. It's larger than Rhode Island, has twice as many people, and is bordered by two national parks. Its 2.5 million residents are among the most diverse in the nation. And they live in a smattering of 34 incorporated cities, which range from 400,000-person metropolises to 86 solitary residents.

But we're not here to celebrate all of those unique statistics. We're here to argue about which of those 34 cities is best. What follows is the definitive ranking of each and every one of those communities.

See also: Eight Best Places to Go Stoned in Miami

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Eight Things Miamians Really Don't Care About

Categories: Listicles

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People like to think of Miami as a passionate city, but there are some things even we can't muster up energy enough to care for.

See also: Six Problems Miami-Dade Leaders Can No Longer Afford to Ignore

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Six Problems Miami-Dade Leaders Can No Longer Afford to Ignore

Categories: Listicles

photo by Brian W. Schaller via Wikimedia Commons
Riptide is usually the first to defend the honor of Miami when the New York Times parachutes in to mock our culture or our "sophistication." But the reality is we have a hell of a lot of serious problems here.

Yet the hottest issue at yesterday's Miami-Dade County Commission meeting was whether to rename a tiny airport. Certain commissioners are convinced that all Miami needs to be a true world-class city is a tacky-ass observational tower. Glitzy luxury high-rises that few locals can afford are rising at breakneck speed throughout the county, and no one seems concerned about the effects. Leaders still plug away that real estate and tourism alone can fuel our economy despite the fact that's proven to be dangerously false.

Local leaders have done an embarrassing job of addressing the city's most pressing issues, and it's time they pay attention.

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