Miami News Blog

​When things dry up in the bedroom, our first instinct is often to blame it on our lover. Too boring, too monotonous, too too too used to the same ol' sex game. While the desert between your legs could be psychological, it turns out that you should visit a doctor before dumping your guy because health problems can be the cause and catalyst for many sexual issues. Tonight at University of Miami/ Jackson Memorial Hospital, several experts will be on hand for "Sex and a Healthier You," a discussion on sexual health and finding out why 70% of women have issues but only 17% actually visit their doctor to do something about it.

On the panel are Dr. Paul Norris, Assistant Professor of Clinical Obstetrics and Gyneceology at Jackson; Dr. Susan Kellogg-Spadt, Director of Sexual Medicine and Co-Founder of The Pelvic and Sexual Health Institute; and Dr. Pepper Schwartz, noted relationship expert, author, and Professor of Sociology at the Univesity of Washington. 

​Hello, Kitty: I've been single for close to three years, and even though I hook up with girls, I'm still sexually unfulfilled. Not that I want something more consistent, it's just that the girls I find aren't open to doing the things I want to do. It seems like they all want me to be lovey-dovey and gentle, when I really just want to pound away at them. If I try to up the speed or intensity, it's all "What are you doing?" and "Ouch." So lately I've been considering trying prostitutes, but I don't know if this is a good idea. Also, where would I find one?

John Mee

Click here for Kitty's answer.

​Hello, Kitty: I'm a lesbian dating a woman who was born with both male and female parts. I learned about her "situation" after we'd been dating for two months. I'm not angry or upset -- I'm falling in love with her. She says that she loves me too, but she doesn't show it. She's always mean to me, calling me names and saying that I'm bisexual because she has a penis and I'm interested in sexing her. And she's right. I am, but only because it's her. I don't see her as a man. What do I do? Should I stay or go? She's just really evil to me. She says that she only says those things because she gets mad. I believe she means what she says. Please help Kitty, I'm so confused.

Tue Ferone

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​Hello, Kitty: After 34 years of being my mom, my lovely mother has become a lady-licking, full-blown lesbian. She and my dad divorced nearly ten years ago, but judging from the parade of guys who followed, I thought she was hetero. She and I aren't close enough to discuss her sex life, but I'm a little hurt that she kept such a big secret. I discovered it on... wait... Facebook. That's right, she's online kissing and hugging other women. I want to ask her about it, but I'm not sure if it's my business. Should I keep quiet or confront her?

Natma Mami

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​Hello, Kitty: My roommate and I had sex a few days ago, and now things are weird. I never knew he was into me, but we were drinking and the night went in a totally different direction than I expected. Now he barely makes eye contact, never speaks to me, and I'm worried our friendship is ruined. Even worse, when his girlfriend comes over, he goes out of his way to say mean shit to me. I'm sure he's uncomfortable about sleeping with a guy, and this is his homophobic way of covering up what we did. How can I make this situation more bearable? I'm not moving out, I really don't want him to, but something's gotta give. Help!

S. Awquardnow

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​Hello, Kitty: I have a major dilemma. I'm a gay male who's becoming curious about women. I have never been with a woman sexually. The problem is that I do not want to pay for sex because I'm not sure I will be able to go through with it. I've gone online to meet women, and some have been excited because it's my first time. But I've never met any of them. It's all talk and no action. Then again, I don't want to get into a relationship with a woman and then when the sex comes, find out I don't like it. So I'm stuck. Should I live my life without acting on this curiosity? What other options do I have? Please help me. Thank you.

Ghat Fisch

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Hello, Kitty: After eight long years of friendship, I'm ready to tell my bff I'm in love with her. When we first met, it was under the pretense that I wanted to date her, but she shot me down completely. She said I wasn't her type, she'd rather be friends, etc., etc. At first I was torn up, but then I realized she'd change her mind if she saw what a great friend I could be. Over the years, I've always been there for her, as a friend and kind of like a brother. Whenever a guy fucked her over, I was there. If she needed food, money, a ride, I was there. And now I want her to be mine. But I'm not sure how to go about it. Of course, I don't want her to know I've been lying in the bushes, waiting for the right opportunity. So how can I go about seducing her?

Mo Thanfrens

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​Hello, Kitty: After a few dates with an extremely successful businessman, I accepted an invite back to his place. He's handsome (also 10 to 15 years my senior), and I wanted to hook up. After a round of mediocre sex, we were lounging on the bed when he scooped up some cum and ate it. Shocked, I pretended like I didn't see it. A bit later, things were getting a little hot and heavy again. Kneeling above me, he began to choke me, double-handed. He is a pretty huge guy, at least twice my size. It wasn't your normal one-handed hot-sex choke. It was a slow, double-handed, hard choke. He did it in stride, so I couldn't even question it. Was that normal? Ready to make a smooth exit, I started to gather my clothes. At this point, his dog jumped onto the bed and began furiously humping his arm -- he allowed it for quite some time. I might even say he participated in it. Normal? Now, one of these things I maybe could have dealt with. But this is triple-threat weird, right? Am I wrong?

Beth Less

Read Kitty's answer here.

​Hello, Kitty: All of my previous girlfriends have swallowed, with relish. Except two: one who would ask me to tell her when, and now my current, who runs to the bathroom to spit it out. Does not swallowing mean a relationship lacks something? What's the rule on this? Please help.

Don Thadrayne

Read Kitty's answer here.

​Hello, Kitty: My wife and I are both 25. We have been married for three years, together for five. I love her with every last beat of my heart, but I feel she has lost interest in some sexual activities. Like most men, I love oral, both giving and receiving. She used to wear me out; now I have to basically beg her for it. Actually, once she gave me head, like, eight times in one day. I will never forget that day. Could I be doing something wrong? I trim down there and I'm clean. I also die for the chance to give her oral. It's actually my favorite thing. I can do it for hours. Anyway, how can I get her more into this kind of thing? She loves doggy-style and cowgirl position, so she isn't cutting sex out altogether, but I'm worried there will be no more oral. What can I do? Do women normally "calm down" like this?

Lhone Lee Coque

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​Hello, Kitty: My girlfriend doesn't get wet enough when we're having sex, and I want to buy her some lube. But I don't know which is the best kind to use. Of course, I've heard of KY, but when I went into Walgreens to check out the options, there were so many my head spun. I've never been with someone who's had this problem, and my girl claims she's never heard the complaint before, so she's clueless. My friends are worthless because all they know is what they see on TV. Please help.

I'm starting to chafe.

Shiez Sirhara

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​Hello, Kitty: All of this talk about celebrities having babies has my wife really wanting to conceive, but I don't think we're ready. Hell, I'm not ready. We've been married for three years and both of us have steady jobs, but I'm 26 and she's 24. I want to enjoy the rest of my 20s before a baby is thrown into the picture! She seems to think that because Nicole Richie and now that Kardashian girl are having kids, it's cute and will be easy. She's an only child who has no concept of how hard this will make our lives. She realizes those rich people have money to hire 'round-the-clock help, but that hasn't changed her mind. I'm wondering how long it will be until she "forgets" to take her birth control pill and I get the, "Oops, we're pregnant" announcement. Please help. I love my wife and eventually want to have kids, but not now.

Noh Bebibump

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Hello, Kitty: I'm gay and my boyfriend wants to add another man into our sex play. While I'm not totally against the idea of a threesome, I can't help but feel he's suggesting it because I'm not enough for him. We've been a couple for six years, living together for five, and I admit things have cooled down a bit in the bedroom in the past year or so. But I thought it was mutual and temporary! Now, while the idea of a new sexual adventure is intriguing, I'm worried about what it means. He's never mentioned I'm not satisfying him, so should I assume it's just the horndog in him that wants another guy in our bed?

Joe Blow Mo

Read Kitty's answer here.

​Hello, Kitty: After four months of me begging, my ex-girl and I are finally back on good terms after my cheating ways caused our relationship to crumble. We hang out nearly every night, and unlike before, when we'd just party and get fucked up, we're actually spending quiet, quality time together. And excuse my corniness, but I'm loving every minute of it. Before our breakup, we had been together for nearly five years and discussed marriage, a family, and all, so I'm glad to get back on that path with her. But of course there's a problem -- a pretty big problem. While we were broken up, I was fucking another girl and she got pregnant. The worst part is she's keeping the baby, she's a cokehead, and in around five months, I'm going to be the father of a junkie's child. My girlfriend is going to be beyond pissed. I haven't told her yet, and I want to wait until we're truly back at 100 percent because I know this can be a deal breaker. We've always talked about having kids, and she's going to be devastated to learn I'm having a child. Please tell me how I can break this news to her without losing her again.

Iam D. Fawther

Read Kitty's answer here.

​

Hello, Kitty: I love giving head to my boyfriend, but my jaw hurts and is sore for days after I do it. He doesn't ask for or expect it all the time, so I don't really want to tell him. But the pain is unbearable. It usually gets going around halfway through, and I have to take breaks, which I'm sure prolongs the process and intensifies my pain. I've never heard of anyone having the same problem. I don't know if it's something wrong with me or due to the size of his cock. Help!

Kok Zucker

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​Hello, Kitty: I'm always begging my boyfriend to spend a couple of nights at my house, but when he finally obliges, I can't wait for him to leave. Not for good, just for 20 to 30 minutes so I can have time to shit and clear the air in my apartment. But he never leaves, and I'm forced to spend my evenings with a bubbling stomach. I really don't want to poo in front of him, and my apartment is too small to avoid the smell if I do. But my self-induced constipation is ruining our sex life because while he's pounding away, all I can think about is how I'm going to keep myself from exploding. Is there maybe a conversation we can have to clear the air or a way I can handle my business without grossing him out?

Terd N. Me

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Hello, Kitty: I've been seeing a girl in Virginia who recently came to Miami for the weekend. She's married but gives me the song and dance that she's going to leave her husband because he's boring, I'm fun, blah, blah, blah. Usually things are really cool between us, but this time, she found a condom wrapper in my bathroom trash can and flipped out. She screamed that I wasn't into her, said I was just playing her. But I never thought I couldn't fuck anyone else! Now she's acting crazy and throwing herself at guys right in front of me. I've never told her I wouldn't date anyone else. She left Miami on a bad note, and although I want to continue fucking her, I hate the drama. If there's a way I can salvage what we had, I'd like to. But if that last blowup means she expects exclusivity, I want no part of it. Help!

Stu Pyd

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Hello, Kitty: I have been dating my co-worker for two and a half months. At first, it was supposed to be just as friends, but things ended up unexpectedly steamy. He is going through a separation, and I was there to console him. We ended up falling in love, and we make love all the time. But it's hard because he still lives with his wife, plus he has kids and is linked up with his wife. But he tells me he wants to be with me and shows me he does. We're together all the time; he even spends the night at my place, but it's so hard because I feel like second plate when I really want to be main dish. How long should I wait for him? I know it's the beginning and I shouldn't rush things, but we are too deep already. He tells me to have patience and that things will come, but the question is: When?

Sicka Waitin

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Hello, Kitty: I'm 28 years old and have been in a committed relationship with my boyfriend for close to three years. We've yet to shack up but have definitely been talking about marriage a lot lately. I would describe my feelings toward him as "love." But I'd also call them "bored." I'm guessing this is normal, but I don't see how I can consider a lifetime with this guy when things between us are already so extremely far from exciting. We used to get it on from the bedroom to the kitchen. Now we seem to be just going through the motions and I'm losing my mind! Truth is, I have some ideas on how we can spice up our love life. But I'm afraid to approach him. He might think I've been with someone else. How can I introduce a breath of fresh air without making him think I'm trying to change "us" or that somehow I've changed through some outside lovin'?

Frethus Pussee

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Hello, Kitty: I've been seeing a fellow officer for a while -- ever since I was deployed to Kuwait six months ago. This is my second tour. My first ended when I proposed to a fellow officer whom I had been dating. Though we lived together for a while, the relationship pretty much fell apart when things heated up with the new girl. Now I don't I know what I would do without my new girlfriend. But there's a problem. I just got word my ex will be posted here in six weeks. She still wears the engagement ring I got her, has been writing me since I've been here, and expects to rekindle our relationship once she arrives. I admit that in our letters I've played along with the idea of us reconciling, but the truth is I don't want to. She was clingy, jealous, and lacks the spunk of my new girl. She'll be here soon. Please tell me how I can avoid a very uncomfortable situation once she arrives.

Major Dyk

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Hello, Kitty: I've been single for close to a year now and while I don't miss the stress of having to entertain a girlfriend, I do miss the guaranteed sex of a relationship. I do have a few jump-offs in my phone book, but I guess my skills aren't tight enough. I always end up alone at the end of the night. That has gotten boring. I'm not ready to jump into the type of commitment that will afford me sex on the regular, so how can I spice up my solo sex life? FYI, I've exhausted the celeb fantasies and Jergens lotion option. Help!

-- Sicka Myhand

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Hello, Kitty

A few weeks ago, I came home to find my husband having sex with my cousin. When I walked in the door, they looked at me and then just kept pumping away. The three of us have had multiple threesomes and I'd watched him have sex with her before, but walking in on them alone was another thing completely. Later, when I came face-to-face with them, I didn't feel as if I could say anything. It had been my understanding there was no "them" without me. Ever since then, I've definitely been feeling awkward around them, sensing their relationship is deeper than I had ever imagined. I know my husband is extremely pleased with me for allowing another woman into our bed. And prior to the addition, our chemistry had all but disappeared, so I don't want to do anything to make him unhappy. But I don't know if I can live with being the other woman. I want to talk to him about it but am afraid to hear him say he'd choose her over me. Please help me figure this out. I don't want to lose anymore.

Ima Kacold

Read Kitty's answer here.

Friday night comedian Mike Epps performed at the Fillmore and as usual, his raucous conversational comedy was hilarious and he had the crowd in stitches for the majority of his hour-long (don't quote me on the length of time, thanks) set. He also dropped a few sexual pearls of wisdom on the crowd:

• Women don't like it when you make their pussy fart rhythmically as if Doug E. Fresh is beat-boxing.(Sidenote: he wondered which hole the sound was actually came out of, claiming that he "smelled broccoli right now.")
  
• Men should place the remote control on their lap when jacking-off in front of the TV. Then quickly tuck the penis in and change the channel when someone walks into the room. 
• The abundance of vans in the parking lot meant that there were plenty of sugar daddies in the house. Apparently, they're named Mr. Charles and will buy your kids school clothes.
  

Hello, Kitty

My relationship with my mom has been strained ever since I dropped out of college to pursue a career selling jeans at the Gap. But not long ago, I lost my job, and she offered up her spare bedroom. I'm guessing that it was simply lip service since she now tells me to get out daily. And not with words. In the worst way. She and her boyfriend (who's 12 years her senior) have sex all the time and run around naked when they're not joined at the hip. Prior to my moving in, their touchy-feeliness told me that they had a healthy sex life, but I never knew how healthy. When I wake up in the morning, I hear them humping. When I go out to get some Subway around noon, they're getting freaky in the dining room; and when I get back, they're lounging around the kitchen in the nude! I know that my mom can do what she likes in her house, but I'd like for her to respect that I'm there. I know I'm her daughter and only 27, but how can I ask this grown woman to cut back on the fuckery while I'm around?

Troma Ties

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Hello, Kitty

When I agreed to an open relationship with my boyfriend, I thought it was the best thing for us. Not because I wanted to have sex with hundreds of guys and also be loved by my boyfriend, but because I thought it would mean I could keep my platonic male friends, get my occasional flirt on, and not have to feel guilty. The arrangement didn't really change my life at all and, honestly, since our relationship has flourished, I rarely spend time with those guys. But what did change is my boyfriend. He's suddenly out all the time -- going on dinner dates and hanging out with groups of girls I've never met. He recently began to disappear for nights at a time, and when I asked him about it, he just said, "Don't ask, don't tell." Last week, I found a condom wrapper under his bed, and we never use condoms. I guess I should be happy he's being safe with these other girls, but it ripped my heart out of my chest to know he had someone else in "our" bed. Now I want this open relationship to be closed. But I'm not sure if it's too late to stop this train wreck.

Genn Closed

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Hello, Kitty

I'm a 41-year-old woman and have been married to the same guy for 15 years. I am thinking of taking a lover because my husband does not fulfill me sexually, and I can't stand it anymore. When we met, he had a problem of finishing fast, but with time and love, we found ways around that problem. But I don't know what's happening to me right now -- my hormones are driving me crazy and I cannot be satisfied with what he's giving me. I want someone who can do it, over and over again, someone who plays in bed and who has a higher sex drive. I don't want to leave my husband, but I know he'd catch me. I don't want to jeopardize our family, but at the same time I'm dying here! What to do?

Horen Dawg

Read Kitty's answer here.

 

Hello, Kitty

 I am a divorced Caucasian/Jewish straight dude, new to Miami Beach, and I have a problem. I am in my late 40s -- an age when men are supposed to be making serious dough. But I changed careers a few years ago and have a couple of years to go to finish my professional training and make decent money. In the meantime, I have enough money after child support is taken out (yeah, there's that too) to live on and go out, but on a tight budget. South Florida women, including Latinas, seem to be seriously put off by my financial situation. I'm not quite ready to troll for women in Alcoholics Anonymous or in bars located next to trailer parks (and if I do, I should pick one or the other and not both, right?). Um, got any suggestions?

 

Read Kitty's answer here.