Never mind the fact hat he dresses like a club promoter. If your investment manager has a MySpace page, get a new investment manager.
​Forget Flagler, Tuttle, and Brickell. We need to start naming streets and bridges after a historical figure whose legacy is honored every day here in South Florida: Charles Ponzi. With heavyweight scammers Bernie Madoff and Allen Stanford basing their operations here, we've become the nation's undisputed champion of the classic "Look Ma, no investment!" investment scam.
So to be honest, this award belongs to all of us in South Florida: the regulators and cops who were presumably playing Snood as the financial conmen schemed, and the dentists who invested their retirement savings with the guy wearing an Affliction t-shirt and a nightclub wristband.
Meet accused Ponzi schemer and convicted douche Sean Healy. Sure, the 38-year old pride of Weston managed to steal only $15 million from investors, according to federal prosecutors, but boy, did he do it in style. For one, he allegedly never actually invested one penny for his 44 clients. And secondly, as NBCMiami reported, he and his wife, a former Hooters' waitress, spent their ill-begotten cash like Lil' Wayne on a crystal meth binge. A few of the highlights of their spree:
​Since at least July, an abandoned and once pricey yacht has been beached on the trash-strewn and molester-patrolled shores of the Julia Tuttle Causeway. It's been stripped of precious materials, spray-painted by some municipal entity, and slapped with stickers that say it's not allowed here. It has also gained a heron as a tenant:
Whenever the national media parachutes into Miami to write about our Chernobyl disaster of a condo market, they usually turn to one man, our own cheerful soothsayer of real estate doom.
It's Peter Zalewski, founder of the delightfully named Condo Vultures. The former Daily Business Review reporter is quick with a funny quote and is unabashed about his company's "bottom-feeding" philosophy of making money off foreclosed property.
Well, Zalewski has officially taken his shtick to the next level. It seems the king of confrontational liberal filmmaking, Michael Moore, has made Zalewski one of the chief villains in his new film, Capitalism: A Love Story, which opens in Miami today.
If you watch the embedded preview above, you can see King Vulture at the 1:25 mark, with a seriously bad-ass quote: "This is straight-up capitalism," Zalewski says, miming his hands cocking a shotgun. "Chck-chk, BOOM."
Zalewski tells New Times he has a solid eight-minute segment in the first half of the movie, talking about his company's philosophy while leading a film crew through foreclosed condos. And he couldn't be happier being portrayed as the bad guy.
​On September 22, Riptide reported on the Funeral Store, a no-frills North Miami coffin emporium offering, via a big sign on the side of its building, "Caskets-4-Less." A week later, CBS4 ran a "4 Your Money" segment -- which can be viewed here -- about the same store. We haven't received our royalty check yet, but we're sure it's in the mail.
Anchor/reporter Jorge Estevez doesn't exactly approach the Funeral Store, or its owner Vincent Brown, with cynicism. "It's about supply and demand!" Estevez exclaims. "And that's how [Brown is] able to pass along the savings to families and close the deal!"
To illustrate the point, a coffin lid closes on the camera inside.
Estevez doesn't mention you'll still have to go to a conventional mortuary after buying a casket. He also fails to warn that some industry watchdogs insist that discount coffin shops often end up costing customers more than going to a traditional mortuary. But damn, does his hair look good.
​Even though the average price for a hotel room dropped 21 percent for the period between January and June compared to the same time last year, Miami still has, on average, some of the most expensive room rates in the nation. But the data reflects only bookings made on Hotels.com, so we suspect the actual average to be somewhat higher.
The average room went for $140 between January and June 2009. That's the sixth highest average in America, behind New York, D.C., and, closer to home, Naples and Panama City. Despite remaining comparatively high, the rates fell from $176 in the same period last year, for a drop of 21 percent. That's the fourth steepest drop in the nation. The bigger they are, the harder the fall, or something, I suppose.
Miami still remains an in-demand travel destination. It's the eighth most popular domestic vacation spot among Americans. Europeans, who we all know have much better taste, made Miami their fourth most visited American city.
​Just about every interesting statistic in the news these days somehow relates to the economy -- or at least the talking heads try to relate it to the economy. Fewer Cubans migrating to America? It's because of the recession. Lower divorce rate? The recession. People trying their hand at prostitution? Recession.
Refreshingly, here is a factoid we can't figure out a way to relate to the economy at all: Vehicle-deer collisions in Florida are up 38 percent in the past five years. That's compared to just an 18.3 percent increase in the United States, according to statistics collected by State Farm. The insurance company estimates the likelihood of your vehicle hitting a deer in the next year is 1 in 1,147.13.
Hitting a deer is more likely during the mating and migrations season in October, November, and December from 6 to 9 p.m.
So why are they up so drastically? Likely because of increasing deer populations and urban sprawl. Which... uh, I guess that does relate to the economy after all. Except it's not a result of the recession, but rather the unchecked development boom before it. So basically dead deer are the recession.
​Not long ago, a 47-year-old Liberty City guy named Slim died. His brother Larry and sister Helen are unemployed, so they didn't have the money for a standard funeral. What to do? They headed for Opa-locka's Funeral Store, a drab pink building on NW 119th Street bearing the slogan "Caskets-4-less." It's not a mortuary -- the Funeral Store won't prepare a corpse for you. Instead, it's something like Home Depot for the recently bereaved; inside, fluorescent lights illuminate coffins at supposedly wholesale prices. To save you even more money, the Funeral Store's website reminds you "embalming is not required by law."
Discount death emporiums have popped up in low-income neighborhoods around the nation. And they've earned a reputation, as Larry points out: "Overdoses and murders, that's what it's all about. Why else are they going to pick a spot in Opa-locka to open up?"
Besides the guy Riptide has spotted walking the streets with a sandwich board advertising cheap coffins -- what's that about? -- it seems the Funeral Store is a rare option for no-frills casket-shopping. It's owned by lawyer Vincent T. Brown, who also runs a traditional funeral home named Grace. Additionally, Brown was once CEO of the on-life-support Metro-Miami Action Plan Trust (MMAP) and is CEO of the moribund anti-poverty agency JESCA. "In these tough economic times, you are going to save significant money using us," Brown vows, adding that his coffins range from a $375 model to "the one that Michael Jackson was buried in," which costs $50,000.
No, this isn't a temperature chart. The 20 weakest metros are dotted in red.
​Florida dominates the list of 20 metropolitan areas still struggling to make an economic turnaround. Eight Florida areas make up the bottom rung of worst-performing cities in Brooking's latest MetroMonitor Report.
In addition to Miami/Ft. Lauderdale/Pompono Beach, Bradenton, Cape Coral, Jacksonville, Lakeland, Orlando, Palm Bay, and Tampa are also included in bottom rung.
"Eight of the 20 metro areas that had the worst economic performance in
the recession are in the South, all in Florida. These areas suffered severe employment, output, and home value declines over the past year due to the broader housing fallout, the decline of long-distance tourism during the recession, and delayed retirement resulting from the general decline in financial wealth, which has reduced in-migration and housing demand," reads the report.
​First the models began leaving South Beach, and now, almost predictably, so is painfully hip hotelier Andre Balazs. According to the Miami Herald, Balazs is set to sell the Raleigh, which the newspaper describes as "a favorite stop for celebrities and local hipsters."
The sale will take Balazs almost completely out of town. Though his company still operates the Standard in Miami Beach, he sold the property last year.
Is this another sign South Beach is losing its edge? The first strike on another nail in SoBe's coffin?
The Raleigh has hosted a slew of painfully hip events over the years, including Chanel's 2009 Cruise Collection fashion show, the launch of Cavali Vodka, and an exclusive performance by the Gossip during last year's Art Basel. Will the new owner be interested in keeping it a favorite spot of "local hipsters"? Doesn't anyone ever think about the "local hipsters"?
The view from the only waterfront house available on Fisher Island.
​
Last year, Fisher Island was sitting pretty at the top of Forbes' most expensive zip codes list. This year, it has tumbled to 33rd place. Not coincidently, the price for the only single-family waterfront home on the island was recently slashed by $3 million.
This year, in the exclusive Fisher Island zip code 33109, the median home price fell to $2,484,958 from $3,850,000 last year. If you don't have a calculator handy, that's a drop of $1,365,042. We're not exactly talking about affordable housing here, but ouch.
To hit the point home: The listing price for the only single-family waterfront home on the island fell by $3 million to $3,950,000. The four-bedroom, four-bath 4,051-square-foot house was built in 2003.
Realtors must be working extra hard to sell these homes.
​Sales for single-family homes soared 64 percent in July in the Miami metropolitan area compared to the same numbers for July 2008. Meanwhile, sales for existing condos rose 48 percent over last year. The numbers continue a trend of home sales rising in each of the past 12 months, according to The Realtor Association of Greater Miami and the Beaches.
Miami was the strongest single-family market in Florida, with state sales rising only 37 percent. Nationally, condo sales rose only 7.2 percent.
​Florida's unemployment numbers for July are in, and things have stayed pretty much stable since June.
The state's jobless rate is still at 10.7%, which represents 987,000 out of work Floridians. That's still 4.4% higher than one year ago, and 1.3% higher than the national level.
Meanwhile Miami-Dade's jobless rate also holds steady from June at 11.5%.
Not exactly wonderful news, but at least things didn't get any worse.
​The recession might have you feeling poor, but the Miami/Fort Lauderdale metropolitan area is still the 10th richest in the nation in terms of combined personal income.
Buffalo Business First analyzed personal income for the top 72 markets in America based on salary, interest payments, dividends, rental income, and government checks, and South Florida came in 10th with a total personal income of $236.7 billion.
This shouldn't be too surprising, considering South Florida is the seventh most populace metro area in the nation.
New York ranks first with a TPI just over $1 trillion, while L.A., Chicago, D.C., Houston, Philadelphia, Dallas/Forth Worth, San Francisco, and Boston round out the rest of the top ten.
​Something was funny about the landlord. A little too eager, maybe, but -- for a pocketful of extra cash -- aren't we all these days? Renter Sandy Sanchez, a straight-talking 54-year-old, didn't think much of it. She stood inside a spacious two-bedroom duplex on NE 112th Street last week and scribbled on her renter's application.
Man, this place was a bargain. Only $850 for all of this room? Move in this week? "Absolutely," the owner told her. "And once you put down a deposit, you can do whatever you want to the inside."
This was perfect. She wanted to add a large ceiling fan and paint the living room to suit her offbeat taste. To be safe, she decided to sleep on it and come back later.
Good thing. Out of curiosity, back at home, she looked up the property on the county website. She also checked a few spots she'd visited on her apartment hunt. What she found: More than half of them were in foreclosure. Her beloved 112th Street pad had been in default since August 2008. "I could have had an eviction notice on my door any day," she says. "It just bothers the hell out of me."
The weird thing is that, legally, the landlord did nothing wrong. Florida law doesn't require property owners or the county to inform tenants when their home is in foreclosure. This leaves people such as Sandy out on the street with deposit money down the crapper. The kicker, Sandy says, is there was a young Haitian family with kids in the building -- totally clueless. (Look up your home here.)
"The law needs to be changed," Sandy proclaims."Would it be that hard for the county to send tenants a notice?"
​The annual Mercer's cost of living survey "measures the comparative cost of over 200 items in each location, including housing, transport, food, clothing, household good,s and entertainment," according to its website.
Your wallet will be happy to know that of the 143 cities measured, Miami barely cracks the top 50. Coming in at #45, however, that is a substantial 30-spot jump from last year's #75 ranking. That ranking also makes it one of the more expensive cities in the Americas.
Globally, Tokyo and Osaka took the top two spots. In the Americas, New York City, Caracas, Los Angeles, White Plains, and San Francisco make up the region's top five most expensive cities.
We imagine Florida International University higherups had some tough meetings to attend when they cut both the school's cheerleading squad and marching bands this week.Â
Imagine facing a roomful of cheerleaders to let them know their services are no longer needed.Â
"But, we're cheerleaders..."Â
"I know, and we just can't afford you right now."Â
"Would a dazzling array of spirit fingers change you mind?"
"I'm sorry, but no."Â
"We've got spirit! Yes we do! We've got spirit! How about you? Wait, you obviously don't, you spiritless douchebags."
Head cheerleading coach Maria George reportedly offered to work for free and cut the team's operation budget down to zero, but the athletic department still decided to do away with the squad.
The marching band meeting probably ended with the sad wah-wah of the trombone section.Â
The cuts came as the athletic department needed to trim $1 million from their budget next year due to recent economic troubles.Â
You know the economy has really gotten bad when our beloved sports stars start filing for bankruptcy. Former UM quarterback and NFL star Bernie Kosar filed for chapter 11 today, according to the Herald.
According to the filings, Kosar reported his assets are only worth between $1 million and $10 million dollars, while his liabilities come in somewhere between $10 million and $50 million dollars.
Apparently he owes all sorts of money to the Cleveland Browns, his ex-wife, the owner of the Cleveland Gladiators, and various banks.
Here's the bad news: According to a new study of the 100 most populous metro areas in America by the Brookings Institution, the Miami area, including the rest of South Florida, is one of the 20 economically weakest metro areas in the country. Here's the good news: We're only 82, and doing better than almost everyone else in Florida.
The Brookings' MetroMoniter report took into account a number of factors including the percent change in employment from a peak in the first quarter of 2009 (that would be -4.5% for us), the change in gross metropolitan product (ours dropped -41%), and change in housing prices.
In most cities, the biggest loss of jobs has occurred in lower-paying industries. However, Miami is one of 14 metro areas where the average wage has actually declined, and Brookings suggests we may be shedding more high-paying jobs than other areas. But the average wage has only declined by 0.2%.
It's hard to illustrate these type stories, but this seems appropriately depressing. It's more of a mood pic.
Well, your bank account may already know this, but a new Wachovia report says that Florida was hit the hardest by the recession.
Here's your depressing factoids:
Florida went into recession nine months ahead of the rest of the country.
Excess real estate is more abundant then the rest of the country, duh.
The Unemployment rate in Florida is expted to reach 11%, a total loss of 720,000 jobs.
Net household wealth dropped by $1.2 trillion, with 2/3 of that coming from financial assets.
Basically, all this means our road to recovery is going to be a lot longer, and a lot bumpier than the rest of the country. If ever there was a time to move, it's probably now.
Seems like FEMA is taking a cue from a most unlikely place: Max Rameau, of Take Back the Land.
New Times first broke news of the activist's brilliant solution for what to do with all of these foreclosed homes: move homeless squatters in.Â
FEMA folks seem to like the idea so much they're looking into the possibility of using foreclosed homes as temporary shelter for evacuated hurricane victims. The idea is in its early stages, and FEMA will have to get permission from the banks that own the property. We also have to wonder: The number of foreclosed homes might be plentiful now, but we hope FEMA doesn't rely on the plan too much because there might not always be an endless supply of empty abodes.Â
Do you sometimes have to hide your tresses under hats and scarves? Feel like bad hair day is a description of your very existence?
Luxe hair-care line Kerastase is offering a solution and it's titled one of our fave phrases: Our Treat. Whether your hair is color-treated or sun-damaged, dry or weak, there's a treatment for you. And tomorrow only -- get it, plus a blowout, for the price of none.
All you have to do is visit their website, print out a coupon, call a participating salon to book your appointment and voila, you'll have flaunt-worthy hair again. And if your frizzied friends have snapped up all of the appointments, don't even think about solving your problem with a razor. The salon at Canyon Ranch is keeping the promotion going throughout the month of May. The catch: you have to pay $40 for the (usually $75) blowout.
Earlier this afternoon, resident Patrick Henry-quoter P. Scott Cunningham pointed out that the URL for Miami-Dade's new water conservation site, weuseless.miamidade.gov, sounds like our government is finally admitting, in appropriately bad grammar, that it sucks.
Which gives me an excuse to point out some unintentionally self-deprecating hilarity going on on another local municipality's website- the virtual eyesore that is the official online face of doomed Forgottenville Opa-Locka.
Just do this: go to the website. Hover your mouse over the link on the top that says "Business", but don't click it.
Really? Is that really the only business city administrators could find to brag about?
What was she to do, where was she to go? She was out on her fanny.
Recession stories are getting pretty standard, and boring. One formula goes like this: find some nice industry and find out how the recession is hitting it. CNN just filed one, about nannies, focusing mainly on Miami.
Amanda Mezyk is a 20 year-old professional nanny who just got laid off. As part of her job she not only got a salary (the average in Miami is $700 a week), but free room and bored in a fancy pad, an insured car, and an paid week long vacation each year in addition to the working trips she took with the family. Somehow, someway, with that pretty cushy gig for a 20 year-old, she managed to rack up $8000 in credit card debt (this is, of course, a major part of how we got into the recession, people who had no reason to rack up credit card debt did, because, hey, everyone was doing it).
Anyway, our apologies to this rich family that laid her off (a couple of doctors). The only thing worse for the former rich than having to fire the help and live like normal people for a while is to have the former help talk about it to major media outlets. What will the neighbors say ...assuming their neighbors haven't had their homes foreclosed on.
Sometimes it seems like the economy is hitting Miami-Dade from all sides, but there's a bit of good news: We're not quite as unemployed as the rest of the state.
Florida's unemployment rate for February was released today, and it is not good: 9.4 percent! That's up from 8.1 percent in January, and getting dangerously close to one in ten Floridians being jobless. Miami-Dade has an unemployment rate of only 7.5 percent. That would have sounded totally depressing last year, but given the context, it's something of a bright spot.
I imagine being stuck on a boat with a bunch of cruise ship people is bad enough, but recently returning to Miami I was stuck on a plane full of cruise ship people. Pure airline hell: horrendously behaved toddlers, people eating strange smelling food, and quite a few folks who maybe should have asked for two seats. So while I'm no a big fan of cruise ships and their ilk, I do applaud locally based business getting those dolla' dolla' bills.
The good news is that the cruise industry seems to be weathering the recession alright enough, and today Miami-based Carnival Cruises announced their net profits are up for the first quarter of 2009. The captains of the pleasure boat industry attribute the jump to cost cutting, and offering deep discounts to would-be passengers.
U.S. Economy used to be the number one band in the world. Flying between gigs in private jets, constantly hitting the top of the charts, and attracting screaming fans wherever it went. Then Real Estate (on bass) got really into cocaine, and just got higher and higher and higher eventually leading to a delusional increased sense of worth until it crashed. Credit Market, the drummer holding the beat together, had an existential crises, became a hermit that never left its dilapidated market, and briefly thought about moving to China or India. Other members tried to regroup as side projects, first as the ill-fated blog house outfit "Tech Boom 3.0," and then as the outsider Russian folk group "The Utopian Socialists." But those close to the group, known as economists, think the band may be planning a low key comeback in the second half of this year.
According to a recent survey of 51 leading economists, the U.S. economy should see some sort of comeback by this summer, which basically amounts to a string of club and small theater dates. The GDP, after two quarters of deflation, should expand by 0.5% in the third quarter and 1.9% in the second quarter. Then a full blown stadium tour is expected in 2010, with a GDP growth for the first quarter of that year predicted to be 2.3%.
We know Paris Hilton doesn't have anything to do with the management of the hotel company that bears her family name, but sometimes you have to wonder. In the midst of the latest, greatest depression and economic free fall you might expect any new hotel plans to include cots, a soup kitchen, and group showers.
Instead,
Hilton Hotels Corp is launching a new line of luxury pads called Denizen Hotels, and is already working on plans to bring one to Miami.
"Denizen hotels, a lifestyle brand that will
attract business and leisure travelers across cultures and generations
and has an authenticity that will appeal to today's sensibilities, will
be highlighted by exceptional design and service at an accessible price
point," said Hilton president and CEO Christopher Nassetta in a press release.
Maybe it's good news that a large company like Hilton is confidant enough that we'll pull through this latest economic dip, and soon we'll all be able to spend our holidays not just in hotels, but luxury "lifestyle brands" again.
Integrated Asset Services released their latest IAS360 House Price Index, and as you might expect, the news isn't good. Between January of this year and January 2008 housing prices have dropped a total of 28.4% in South Florida. That's 29.1% in Broward, 18.8% in Palm Beach, and a whopping 32.3% in Miami-Dade.
Miami-Dade dropped 5.9% between December and January, plummeted a total of 37.3% since the national housing price peak in January 2006, and dropped 20.5% since the economic crisis effectively kicked off this September. Egads.
Only Fairfield, Conn., a few towns in Virginia, and cities in the San Francisco area have nose dived harder since January 2006.
Nothing is immune to the economic crisis, not even the palm tree'd oasis in Coral Gables known as the University of Miami. After many alumnus expressed their concern, president Donna Shalala sent out a letter to all alum today addressing the impact on UM.
Here's the highlights:
UM has made a lot of aggressive investments in the past few years. They're confidant they'll play out in the long run, but in the meantime are slowing growth and narrowing focus. That means the previously reported hiring freeze, salary freeze, and delaying almost all current construction plans.
Tuition? It's still being increased by 3.89 percent, which is actually a small increase for UM, though Shalala hopes the stimulus bill will increase the College Work Study program.
The endowment is down by over 25%, but that only translates to a $3 to $4million dollar cut to next years budget.
Alumni giving is slightly up actually from last year, but *hint* *hint* give more.
The full letter is after the cut, if you're interested in that type of thing.
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