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See John jam

When an invite for Jacquelyne Love’s fashion show -- Tuesday night's official opener for the Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week Miami Swim -- touted a Beach Boys concert and special guest John Stamos, little did we know it actually meant the studly Stamos would be on stage.

The Beach Boys connection was easy; the swimwear designer is married to founding Beach Boy Mike Love.

As for the Stamos, apparently he’s a fan and has drummed, strummed, and sung with the guys for years. (And between you and me, he looks great doing it!)

Yes, the Stamos is such a stunner, not even his recent slurry interview on Aussie TV (which we tried to ask him about but couldn’t get past security to do so) can detract from his sex-appeal; dressed in black jeans, black T-shirt, black aviators, and white tennis shoes the hunkster crooned for the crowd assembled poolside at the Raleigh Hotel as the bevy of models strutted through shin-high water parading Love’s 45-piece collection.

After a short break, the nine-member band took to the stage for a second time and delivered a 90-minute concert, belting out some of the beach Boys’ greatest hits, including Good Vibrations, Surfing USA, and Surfin’ Safari.

And Stamos -- who we didn’t see take even a wee sip all night -- seemed very much sober at the end of it! --Joanne Green

This is not a good fit

In the 60s beach babes rocked the “Itsy bitsy teenie weenie yellow polka dot bikini.” But back then they weren’t sitting on their asses at a computer all day or drinking high fructose corn syrup by the gallon. Nowadays body types are as varied as personalities, and as a result, waterside fashions run the gamut from buttfloss to full-body unitards, depending on what part of the body is best prepared for the world’s scrutiny.

In honor of Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week Miami Swim, the good people at Lycra came up with “Reality Beach.” And it just might be what you need to coax you out of your fully-clothed shell -- a friggin makeover. Tuesday, while the sun was at its hottest, dozens of real women were inside a cool tent perusing rack after rack of Lycra-based swimsuits. The point was to see what works best for you, but a couple of lucky women were chosen to strut their bikini stuff – or stuffed bikini – tonight at the runway show being held at the Raleigh Hotel at 9:30 p.m. For all you model-chasers, this show will feature some “real women”; if you’re coming for the Barbie-type, you just might get the teller from your bank or your kids’ Sunday school teacher. --Raina McLeod

People, regardless of what the size-two, store front mannequin at Forever 21 tells you to wear, suspenders should always be avoided. There’s a reason why you can’t find “Blossom” in syndication, see for yourself:

The slight resemblance to a blow-up doll aside – it was 4 am – in a sea of plain, this girl had her glamour together. She obviously pays attention to relatively recent trends – wearing white, pointed heels, a long, gold chain, and a high-waisted dress with a hem just short enough to show off her legs. Yet, she makes the outfit her own with bold color choices and a hairstyle messy enough to give edge, but sweet enough to get free drinks.

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