"The Week That Was" Archives - Miami News

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Castro Will Ask Pope For Forgiveness, Daughter Says

By Tim Elfrink

1
Politicks

Marco Rubio Bitches About Obama

By Kyle Munzenrieder

2
Survey Says

DCF Survey: White Kids Do More Drugs Than Minorities

By Kyle Munzenrieder

3
Crime

Beach Cop Shoots, Kills Suspect in Liberty City

By Tim Elfrink

4
Sports

Ortiz, Bautista Wandering Downtown in Baseball Uniform

By Gus Garcia-Roberts

5
Banana Republican

Three Miami Beach Towing Horror Stories

By Francisco Alvarado

6
Politicks

Five Important Proposed Laws For Animal Lovers

By Gus Garcia-Roberts

7
Banana Republican

Dade Nixes $3 Million Grant To Tax Evader After Report

By Francisco Alvarado

8
Business

Target Responds to Wu Vultures at Midtown Miami

By Kyle Munzenrieder

9
Banana Republican

Five Worst City and County Managers

By Francisco Alvarado

10

Flotsam

Do Implant Bombs Mean Miami Is Now More Dangerous Than Mazar-i-Sharif?

By Michael Miller Fri., Jul. 8 2011 at 5:24 PM

Categories: Flotsam, The Week That Was

Suspicious.

Miami has long been the unofficial fake boob capital of the country, probably the world (nice try, Caracas).

Now, however, the Transportation Security Administration says that terrorists may be plotting suicide bombings using surgical implants.

Suddenly our artificially enhanced paradise is looking scarier than a dark alley in Mazar-i-Sharif, Afghanistan.
More >>

Tags:

breast implants, implant bombs, Transporation Security Administration, TSA

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The Week That Was

The Week That Was: Full of Horrible Losses

By Kyle Munzenrieder Fri., Oct. 30 2009 at 5:33 PM

Categories: The Week That Was

Your Miami Dolphins started the week off with a horibly embarrassing loss to the New Orleans Saints, only to get slaughtered by a bunch of angry Japanese people on this week's South Park. Ted Ginn Jr. made us lose our last nerve.
The Hurricanes also had their own horrible loss most of their wildest hopes and dreams for the season dashed by the Clemson Tigers.
Yes, even your Miami Herald had a horrible loss this week, except it was by means of circulation.
Miami Art Museum lost their director, Terence Riley.
If "Undecided" was running for Mayor of Miami, both Regalado and Sanchez would lose.
Republicans lost their mind over a dumb web meme.
There were some winners this week, though. Barack Obama was in town for a quick second Monday night and helped pick up $1.5 Million for Democrats, got threatened by a Miami Beach mayoral candidate, and then dropped off $200 million to FPL the next day.

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The Week That Was

The Week That Was: Ball Busting

By Kyle Munzenrieder Fri., Oct. 23 2009 at 5:20 PM

Categories: The Week That Was

South Beach drag empress Shelley Novak was forced to stop making dick joke, and start dealing with police when some guy allegedly slugged her and put a hole in her window. Maybe the fellow was a victim of one of Shelley's prick-size punch lines.
That sort-of-creepy billboard of a naked guy you see off I-95 was defaced by graffiti bandits. Thankfully, despite the touchups, he remains naked.
Cubans love growing pot because the most likely sentence is just probation. Yet another reason why American government trumps the Cuban government.
Opa-locka is home to its share of fashion dictators -- flashing a bit of boxer shorts is illegal there, but an enterprising duo might have found a way around it.
In fact, their design might be better than most of the crap that was sent down the runway at Fashion Week.
Listicles can't agree on the quality of Miamians who have testicles.
Also this week in useless surveys: Miami is the most relaxed town in America but has one of the worst airports in the world.
This week in potentially usefully surveys: Marco Rubio is inching ever closer to Charlie Crist in the Senate polls.
Hands down the quote of the week: "They're undefeated, they're probably smelling themselves, rubbing each other's balls, all that shit..."
We'll begin with a dick joke, and we'll end with one: Here's a delightful post about fake Viagra.

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The Week That Was

By Kyle Munzenrieder Fri., Oct. 16 2009 at 5:38 PM

Categories: The Week That Was

DJ Seasunz, a well established local DJ, drove around in his car with the dead body of his 18-year-old girlfriend before turning himself into police. He's being charged with second-degree murder and was denied bond.
Miami's best known graffiti crew, MSG, is heading to divorce court as one of the co-founders decides to part ways with the collective.
This week in fame-whore: Pamela Anderson brought back her iconic Baywatch bathing suit, Dennis Rodman got his Vogue Evolution on at a fashion show, and perennial Z-lister Shauna Sands is protesting the release of a Miami-filmed sex tape.
The cousin who found himself in the middle of the A-Rod 'roid scandal may find himself with out a house.
A bunch of people who were relevant in the high flyin' days of Miami Beach came out to hear a reading from Gerald Posner's new book, Miami Babylon.
City commission candidate Frank Carollo once walked in on his girlfriend in a precarious position with another man and things got a little violent. When the cops showed up, he lied to them.
Michelle Obama dropped by the Freedom Tower, where she dashed Barack's hopes of winning Dancing with the Stars (hey, at least he danced better than Tom DeLay).

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The Week That Was

The Week That Was: Sex and Skates

By Kyle Munzenrieder Fri., Oct. 9 2009 at 5:35 PM

Categories: The Week That Was

The good news: The roller-skating thief who tormented the Jacuzzi Boys was quickly captured. The bad news: This was not allowed to mature into a thoroughly hilarious, full-scale crime spree.
If it appears your child might have a future in the NBA, you might just want to take a bit of time out of his hoops practice to teach him some fiscal advice, especially when it comes to your strip club budgeter, or he might end up like Rumeal Robinson.
Julia Yarbough retired from TV and said "so long" to NBC6.
The secret to the Miami Hurricanes' recent success: a TV diet of pure SpongeBob.
Let's play a game of Family Feud. The category: Things that come to mind when describing Miamians. "I'm going to guess 'smart,' Richard." "Good answer, good answer!" Survey says, "Nope." "How about 'sexy'?" Survey says, "Number one answer!"
This week in historic bombshells: Luis Posada Carriles was a CIA snitch, and Jorge Mas Canosa supported terrorism.

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The Week That Was

The Week That Was: Full of Creepy Art

By Kyle Munzenrieder Fri., Oct. 2 2009 at 6:01 PM

Categories: The Week That Was

Are paintings made of menstrual blood creepy enough for you? How about a Rape Tunnel? Oh, wait. The Rape Tunnel was fake, but the blood paintings are a little too real.
Tomas Regalado might have helped to raise some money for one little terrorist, but he doesn't want to talk about it.
The saga of Katherine Cue continues: Raul Martinez says everyone knew she didn't really live in Hialeah when she was appointed to the city council. Then some documents appeared that might just prove it.
No more container shows at Art Basel. We'd collect our tears and then try to turn them into art a la menstrual artist but where would we show them? Not in a shipping container, that's for sure.
Here is a story about world record arm hair. It's probably the only story about world record arm hair ever.
Bill Nelson voted against the most public of public option, but then changed course to vote for a more moderate amendment.
Cubans have discovered the wonders of online classifieds, and are listing their neat old cars for sale.

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The Week That Was

The Week That Was: Boobs and Assorted Nuts

By Kyle Munzenrieder Fri., Sep. 25 2009 at 5:27 PM

Categories: The Week That Was

via This Chile is Hot
If you look at our homepage right now it might come off a little hypocritical that we took PETA to task for using way too many boobs in it's marketing campaign. PETA of course brought pasty covered, green painted fish boobs to Miami this week.
Speaking of boobs, a South Florida Priest apparently knocked up an ex-stripper and persuaded her to get lesbianoic at a swinger club.
BED denies that they have a "no fatties" policy, but this anecdote suggests otherwise.
Hannah Giles, an FIU student, helped to expose a few ACORN workers. Her wingnut preacher dad sure is proud, now word on how he feels about the lawsuit.
Tedd Ginn Jr is in the running for best imaginary twitterer, and Jacory Harris is actually in the running for the Heisman.
And hey, here's a tittie related lawsuit.

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The Week That Was

The Week That Was: We Metaphorically or Literally All Lost Body Parts

By Kyle Munzenrieder Fri., Sep. 18 2009 at 5:30 PM

Categories: The Week That Was

The week started out with news that Miami was the second worst place to raise your kid. Unfortunately a stabbing at Coral Gables High proved that. In the wake of that tragedy YouTube videos surfaced that showed the school's courtyard had a history of violence. Oh, and a camera man got kicked in the stomach.
Everyone has been loosing there heads over ACORN, and the girl who posed as a hooker to bring the nefarious anti-poverty group down is an FIU student. Her dad also happens to be a spirited pastor who is definitely not "a fat, black lesbian that hates hunting."
In news straight out of your nightmare: a man lost his penis, and the Everglades' pythons could morph into unstoppable mutants.
There might be something funny about Hialeah councilwoman's Katherine Cue's residence, and we don't mean her decor scheme. The guy running against her has problems of his own.
We went to the City of Miami Mayoral debate. Everyone lost.
Kimbo Slice had his arm sliced off by a caterpillar. Hey, if his Ultimate Fighter thing doesn't work out maybe he can wrestle at WrestleMania ...if it comes to Miami.
Tim Hardaway made nicey nice with gay people, and then promptly had his jersey retired. This is probably because no decision involving clothes, even if it is a jersey, can be made with out consent of the gays.
Happy 25th Anniversary Miami Vice. Here's to all you've done for us, and your kookie guest stars.

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The Week That Was

The Week That Was: Don't Park at White Room After Labor Day

By Kyle Munzenrieder Fri., Sep. 11 2009 at 5:59 PM

Categories: The Week That Was

Trying to find parking in this town can be hell, but be thankful you've never been shot in the pursuit of a space, like a teenage girl outside White Room. Police are looking for leads.
Our heart is still beating from that Miami-FSU game.
Jim Greer decided to let his children be indoctrinated by President Obama's socialist hypnotism. Meanwhile, the adults were all too concerned with Joe Wilson.
Fidel Castro: STILL, still alive.
Mayor Carlos Alvarez isn't winning any awards for Mr. Popular anytime soon.
Hugo Chávez is now a movie star, who has more wacky conspiracy theories about Jews than even Mel Gibson.

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The Week That Was

The Week That Was: Labor Day Is Our Favorite Socialist Propaganda

By Kyle Munzenrieder Fri., Sep. 4 2009 at 5:01 PM

Categories: The Week That Was

A former assistant director at the City of Miami Building Department, Christine Morales got caught on film doing just about everything but her $100k-a-year job.
Welcome to Miami: A UM student got a gun pointed at his head during his first day of class for matching the description of a motorcycle thief. The whole thing was caught on film by communication school students. See, communications degrees aren't completely useless!
RPOF Chair Jim Greer decided to open his mouth and condemn President Obama for "indoctrinating" our school kids with "socialist ideology." The speech Obama plans to give is actually about things like doing your homework, which maybe Greer should listen to, because he didn't do his homework in this case.
Willie Williams's chances of setting NFL records are becoming slimmer, but he is working up quite an enviable arrest record.
This week in Fidel Castro: He once took quite a liking to a young poli-sci student. That student turned out to be reality-TV contestant/wannabe pop diva/Playboy cover model/all-around fame whore Aubrey O'Day, and she thinks Fidel is just brilliant.
Coconut Grove's trademarked peacocks have been removed for excessive pooping, but some Grovite aren't happy about it.
Silicon Beach is our new weekly column about the best breast implants on South Beach social media and other geeky things. Read the first two columns here and here.
Fisher Island is no longer the most expensive zip code in America. Those poor hobos have to settle for being only the 33rd richest zip code in the nation.