Miami News Blog

Photo via kimkardashian.celebbuzz.com

​There are very few things that a Kardashian can't do. They can turn forgetting to take your bc pills and unprotected sex into an adorable anecdote! They can force you into the background of your own wedding picture! And now they can materialize in Sunrise, Florida to celebrate the opening of a store where nothing costs more than $100. Well, the Kim Kardashian can. She'll be at Sawgrass Mills from 6 to 9 p.m. to fete the opening of A'GACI, a store where trendy and cheap are the couture du jour and "sale" means that items drop below ten bucks.

Check out Kim's five favorite looks or just ogle Reggie Bush's two favorite cheeks, but you have to email RSVP@skirpr.com to get on the list.

via PSD

​Just a day after rumors made the rounds that the temporary hoops marriage of LeBron James and Shaquille O'Neal might come to an end next year, TMZ reports Shaq and his wife Shaunie are heading for splits-ville again.

Shaunie originally filed for divorce in 2007 while Shaq was still playing for the heat, but the two later reconciled. Yesterday she filed for legal separation in California, where divorce laws are generally more favorable to wives, even though the two live in Florida, and intends to file for divorce.

Luckily the two won't be fighting over who gets the Star Island mansion. Shaq sold that to Naomi Campbell's boyfriend earlier this year.

Joyoendho via Flicker CC

When it comes to the drug habits of the rich and famous, there's a thin line between hilarious and disturbing. Championship race car driver Mariusz Malyszczycki's relationship with ecstasy is something closer to entrepreneurial. The Polish speedster was busted in the middle of a brazen plan to import a boatload of the little colorful pills and was sentenced Thursday to 37 months in prison.

Videos online show the handsome daredevil holding trophies and speeding around dirt tracks in a bright red hatchback.

He apparently had another source of income. According to federal court documents, Mariusz and a partner met with two undercover cops at Don Pan Bakery in Miami in March 2004. There, he "asked agents if they had any connections at the Miami Seaport" in order to "smuggle 50,000 pills of ecstasy." They would be 100 percent pure MDMA from Holland, he told cops. (Gigantic glow stick party much?)

His lawyer Scott Sakin contends Mariusz was "in the wrong place at the wrong time" and that his English wasn't good enough to understand what was happening.

You know how Michael Benjamin Bay got his start? He made a short film about a helicopter flying into the sunset:

Which he parlayed into multi-million dollar box office smashes. This is how it works, fledgling film directors. You make a kick-ass short. People take notice.

That's why you should enter the Miami International Film Festival's first annual Online Shorts Competition, presented in conjunction with Diesel. (The jeans company, not Vin.)

From now until midnight on January 16, 2010, submit a film that's shorter than ten minutes in Quicktime or MPEG-4 format to the contest website. Finalists will have their films shown at the Miami International Film Festival in March and a lucky one or two will win Jury and Audience awards. Because the fest is in Miami, and Michael Bay is Miami (scientific studies have shown that destroying one, destroys the other), there's always a chance that the Man Himself will be in the audience, see your film, invite you back to his house, finance your feature debut, and hook you up with Megan Fox.

But only if your film is as awesome as...

Campbell in an ad for Cat Deluxe at Night

​Something smells rotten in the state of Naomi Campbell's business affairs. "The lawsuit is nothing more than a preemptive strike since Moodform knows that my client has substantial claims against Moodform and their principals for millions of dollars for breaching their fiduciary duties among other acts of misconduct," Singer told the online tab.

​Sean Penn is playing "journalist" once again and has landed in Cuba, a country that routinely censors journalists, ranks near the bottom of the Press Freedom Index and has imprisoned more journalists than any other country except for China. So it makes sense the ideological actor is donning his amateur press hat in a country where any actual independent press is virtually illegal.

If it's anything like his previous journalistic endeavors in Cuba, don't expect him to mention any of that -- or anything negative about the Communist Nation. Previously Penn met with Fidel Castro in 2005, and interviewed Raul Castro in 2008.

He's supposedly on assignment for The Huffington Post and Vanity Fair. The HuffPo publishes English translations of dissident Cuban blogger Yoani Sanchez Generation Y blog which expose the hardship actual Cubans live with under the Castro regime, while VF reportedly just laid off a sizable number of actual media professionals. The fact they're trafficking in this seems sort of shameful.

Penn's reps have denied that he's planning on interviewing a Castro brother, but instead is working on a piece about "how Obama's election has affected Cuba and Cuban-American relations."

Today marked the official beginning of election season, with early voting kick-starting around Miami-Dade for the November 3 general elections, and here at Riptide we're feeling that democratic itch.

via Pinkieeegirl's Flickr

Tubbs has spoken.

​But, frankly, we're already looking forward to next August's statewide races. Why, you ask? Because the Miami Vice lobby just weighed in, and we live our lives by the eternal code of white linen and gigantic reflector shades.

None other than Det. Rico Tubbs -- also known in real life as Miami resident Philip Michael Thomas -- threw his political clout behind one of the candidates for the Kendall-area seat today.

Thomas is backing Whilly Bermudez, who owns a marketing firm and serves on the executive board of the Miami-Dade GOP. Bermudez tells Riptide he knows Thomas through some business associates.

"He's perfect because he's not some guy doing car wash commercials or anything like that," Bermudez explains. "He's a solid citizen and a respected guy."

via Wiki Commons user Nightscream/CC3.0

David Cross

​Generally, David Cross is a pretty funny fellow, but sometimes he seems so damn smug. I guess if I starred in Arrested Development and Mr. Show, I would be pretty self-satisfied, even if I had done some Hollywood bullshit like Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel and the Amanda Bynes vehicle She's the Man. But it's those big studio paychecks that keep you in cocaine money and get you invited to fancy events. 

Comedian David Cross brought his stand-up routine to Washington's Warner Theatre Wednesday night and made a shocking confession (assuming he wasn't joking...) at the end of his routine: That he snorted cocaine while seated just yards away from President Barack Obama at this year's White House Correspondents' Association dinner.

"So I got to go because my girlfriend is a fancy Hollywood actress and she got an invitation to go this last time, so we went," the "Arrested Development" star told the crowd. He went on to say that he has an ongoing competition with a friend in which the two try to constantly out-do each other in "dares and outrageousness."

That friend, apparently, is none other than former Vice editor and current Street Carnage editor Gavin McInnes, and a screen shot of the text showed up in our Tumblr feed yesterday. It turns out Cross indulged in the nose candy while sitting at the same table as University of Miami President Donna Shalala.

​Between the state of the condo market, parking on South Beach, and the final price tag for the new Marlins stadium, Miamians have suffered through plenty of real-life horrors. So for Halloween parties this year, Riptide is going to put away the Freddy mask and show up in homemade costumes inspired by the Magic City.

Here's how to dress up as your favorite Miamian:

Fighter Kimbo Slice: Shave the top of your head. Attach a fake beard. Lie flat on your back for the duration of the party. (Gallon of fake blood optional.)

Jipsy

Dennis Rodman: 1, 2, 4, 3. None of these bitches look better than me. (click to enlarge)

​Last night's Pink Dress Collection fashion show at the Eden Roc was for a good cause -- the Susan G. Komen for the Cure -- so we're sure Dennis Rodman meant to look as ridiculous as possible to guarantee maximum coverage. OK, we'll gleefully play along. 

ESPN.com

​Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez is finally playing hero in the post-season. That whole notion of A-Rod-can't-hit-in-the-clutch seems but a distant dream this October. Ditto for the steroid revelations that dominated sports pages this off-season and Spring Training. But Miamian Yuri Sucart, his cousin and right-hand man made infamous for his role in A-Rod's 'roid use, might still be dealing with the consequences. After being barred from MLB facilities, Sucart has hit some serious financial straits: His Kendall home is in the midst of foreclosure.

For about a week in February, after it was exposed that he provided Rodriguez with Dominican-bought steroids, 46-year-old Sucart became the national sports media's most-chased figure. ESPN.com devoted 3,000 words to the man, "who was more like an older brother" to the superstar. Reporters camped outside his home, interviewed his cocker spaniel, and described his A-Rod-dependent financial situation. From the ESPN.com article:

It's unclear what Sucart's exact income is or has been, but friends say his compensation couldn't be much. Sucart always seems, according to one friend, to "just be getting by." The one-story house Sucart owns in South Miami-Dade sits on a beautiful estate, but from the street, it looks to be in rugged shape. Friends say the house is "a dump."

For a time, Sucart tried finding alternate sources of income. He worked informally as an agent, getting cleats and gloves for a few Hispanic players. Sources said he hoped the players would hire him if they ever made it big, but that didn't come to fruition, and neither did an attempt to become a partner in a small sports agency. Sucart also bought a few properties in Miami and became a landlord, but the income generated from those purchases hasn't seemed to be the financial boon he'd envisioned.

I

via Flickr

​'m not sure why Shauna Sands is a celebrity. Maybe it's for her breakthrough role as Stripper #1 in a 2004 episode of Las Vegas, or perhaps as Jacuzzi Woman in the shamefully overlooked masterpiece Succubus: Hell Bent. Or maybe it's because she is the first woman to successfully have lips cut off a trout and transplanted onto her face. For whatever reason, the former Playboy Bunny and ex-wife of Lorenzo Lamas (also not sure why he is famous) has carved out a nice niche as a gossip blog regular. 

via Romeo154's Flickr

Do not post Monica Hansen's photos without her permission! (Um, these are from Flickr, Monica. Just FYI.)

​Last year, the God of Tabloids grew bored with the octo-mom, Jon and Kate, and yes, even Paris, so He snapped his ink-stained fingers and created Hochstein v. Hansen.

And it was good: A Miami plastic surgeon nicknamed the "Boob God." A furious Norweigian Playboy model. Nearly nude photos. A $500,000 legal settlement. It had everything!

This week, the Almighty Patron of Sleaze decided we needed more. (Hey, it has been a couple of days since the Kardashians have done anything interesting.) So now you can add a famous Hollywood madame and a counter-suit to the deliciously trashy mix.

In case you haven't kept up with your New York Post subscription, here's the background.

In 2006, Dr. Leonard Hochstein, a renowned Miami plastic surgeon nicknamed the "Boob God," posted photos of one Monica Hansen on his website. Ms. Hansen, a busty former Miss Norway, Playboy model, and Maxim magazine's 2006 "Woman of the Year," was a client and briefly his girlfriend, according to the good doctor.

Hansen sued, claiming she never gave Hochstein permission to use her photos in his advertisements. A Los Angeles jury awarded her a $564,555 default judgment in July.

Now Hochstein is striking back. He has a hearing in L.A. next week to ask a judge to set aside the award. And he is armed with what looks like a damning email from Hansen to Michelle Braun, a notorious Boca Raton madame who was arrested this spring and charged with running a multimillion-dollar prostitution ring.

If you ask us, way too many of Will.i.am's dreams have come true. The Black Eyed Peas' resident shoddy producer has an ever growing ego, and now he has another modest dream: trying out for the Miami Dolphins. We say let him.

Will.i.am took to some website called Dipdive... 

Fidel Castro apparently once took time out of his busy schedule of ruining Cuba to meet with reality contestant turned fame whore Aubrey O'Day. She came away from the encounter with the impression Castro was "brilliant."

O'Day came to "fame" as a cast member on Diddy's reality show, Making the Band, and eventually got a spot in the pop group Danity Kane before being kicked out. She was stunt-cast in a Broadway play based on a movie. She posed for Playboy. She recorded a horrible cover of New Order's classic "Bizarre Love Triangle." Basically she is everything wrong with our culture.

Because Fox News is generally a freak show, Sean Hannity invited O'Day on his show Monday night to talk about how kids should be taught the joys of masturbation. By some accounts, she "schooled" Hannity and his panel of conservatives on that point. The revelation of her meeting with Castro came later.

​If you've had better things to do than watch daytime television and nibble leftover Chinese food, you might have missed the tragic news. The TV show Judge David Young -- a courtroom drama staring the sassy former Miami-Dade man in robe -- will air for the last time September 4. Which is to say, Riptide will cry all afternoon.

Oh, Jose...

​For some reason, Miami-Dade still hasn't gotten around to renaming Jose Canseco Street, but Mr. Canseco is wasting no time in bringing more ridiculous schadenfreude to his already shamfeul legacy. "There are even some divorced celebrities who are not dads who want to do the show," says Lohan.

via Nylon

​Paris Hilton never wins anything besides worst-dressed list honors and Razzies, so maybe today's court ruling in her favor is a bit of karmic payback. 

via Hedi Slimane Diary

The last time full-time train wreck and erstwhile singer Amy Winehouse visited Miami, she married Blake Fielder-Civil (a professional Pete Doherty impersonator, according to our sources). Fielder-Civil -- excuse me, BLAAAAAKKEE -- spent time in jail, shot some unbecoming home videos of his wife that mysteriously leaked to the press, and eventually the two got divorced. So let's hope the outcome of her purported return visit goes a bit better. 

via Crunk & Disorderly

​Look at this sharp Dwyane Wade. His perfectly manicured chin strip. His exquisite pencil mustache. His multi-carat princess-cut diamond earrings. Those snazzy little lines in his hair. His shiny lips?  

​Dr. Alex Farshchian, the Miami Beach doctor who treated Michael Jackson, seemed to be very pro-active with his patient, to say the least. 

via Flisted

​So, listen. Riptide is really not interested in the break-up of Kim Kardashian and Saints Player Reggie Bush, but RadarOnline (owned by the same South Florida masters of the National Enquirer) is reporting that they've learned Bush might have been carrying on an affair with a Miami-based model. 

via open.salon.com

​You know what's the best? Winning stuff. Especially when there's money involved! And everybody knows the best way to celebrate a victory: rip off your shirt, flex, and then do a little dance.

Oh look, a hotelier is allegedly dating a Bravo reality star. No, we're not talking about Baron Hilton and PC Peterson. According to Life & Style, André Balazs and Kelly Bensimon were seen "getting close" during fashion week. Balazs owns The Standard and The Raleigh and for years dated actress Uma Thurman. Bensimon is best known for coming off generally dumb on The Real Housewives of New York City.

What does it say about Miami Beach Fashion Week when some of the biggest celebrities in town for the festivities were from Bravo's Real Housewives franchise? 

Jeffrey Donovan, who's filming the third season of his hit cable drama, Burn Notice, was arrested last weekend for suspicion of DUI, according to TMZ. 

This time she kept her nipples where they belong.

It was close to 1:45 and the Florida Room's lights were dimmed to twice their usual glow. Having closed out the place more than a few times, I knew that it meant the club would soon close, but so early? Then from the corner of my eye, I see -- a camera crew. The "star" whose night they were capturing for eternity? Whitney Port of The Hills and The City "fame."

Having never seen either show, I don't know who the hot guy was that she was canoodling with, but the camera caught an argument, a storming-out, and Port pulling off some semi-sultry dance moves while Awesome New Republic rocked out in the background.

To all the "regular" folk who pushed their way into the camera's line of sight, congrats, you looked like a douchebag.

Jeffrey Boan/Bravo

The cast of Miami Social (Sorah Daiha, Ariel Stein, Katrina Campins, George French, Maria Lankina, Michael Cohen, and Hardy Hill) celebrated at the series-premiere party at Louis Bar-Lounge at the Gansevoort South this past July 9.

The Internets seem to be at a consensus about Miami Social, which premieres tonight at 10 on Bravo: It sucks. But perhaps the people who feel the most angered are those of us who call ourselves Miamians, because the cast members embody so many of the things we hate about this city: vanity, narcissism, stupidity... well, we can keep going on. So is the cast of Miami Social perhaps the most hated group of people in Miami right now? Fortunately for them, Castro is always going to come out on top.

Anyway, we received the above photo in our inbox. It was taken at the premiere party inside Louis at the Gansevoort South this past July 9. In the email, Bravo's PR people had the audacity to call the show a "docu-series." Seriously.

The cast of Miami Social and the source of Glenn Garvin's frustration.

We sometimes poke fun at our colleagues at the Miami Herald for coming across as a bit stodgy and tight-assed. But we love it when their muzzles come off. Herald reviewer Glenn Garvin was saddled with the task of sitting through and writing about an episode of the new soul-sucking, locale-denigrating reality show Miami Social -- and came back with the most scathing damnation of a production we've ever seen in the paper. A taste:

I'm saying it's so bad it will make you regret being born with eyes. I'm saying it's so bad that if you saw a member of the cast burst into flame on the street, you wouldn't waste your spit putting him or her out. I'm saying Osama bin Laden, if he sees it, will weep bitter tears of frustration that he went after the wrong American city.

That is some righteous Miami anger right there. Read the full 700 words of fury here.