Confessions of a Navy Cook - Chef Fern Garcia's Combat Chronicles vol. II

Categories: Confessions
image via Chef Fern
Turkey A La King In The Reefer
Last week Short Order introduced you to American warrior Chef Fernando "Fern" Garcia. We asked you to comment if you wanted more and the overwhelming response brings us to this, volume II of Fern's Confessions of a Navy Cook. Keep the comments up, and tell your friends to give it a read. Any other armed service mess specialists out there? Let us know your war stories. Without further ado, here is volume II.
"I used to clean the 9 hour steak grill with my bare hands, soapy water, and a sharp grill brick which tore my hands into picadillo over time. Eventually, a sailor gave me a secret (no names), he busted out a box of "bug juice."

Bug juice: United States Navy artificial fruit-flavored drink powder issued in Vietnam or some other senseless war.

The box was all white with a label stating..."Property of the U.S. Government."

The bags inside the box stated...."grape"...."cherry"....all the flavors of the rainbow.

I discovered that one could pour this evil shit onto a flat grill, and that it would cleanse it of grease easier than the method of tearing my hands to shit with soap, water, and a spiked grill brick. Mind you, the grill had over an inch thickness of animal fat tar attached like a leech slurping the succulent blood of an unfortunate host.

Eventually I got used to the punishment of being a newbie in a world where I probably did not belong. Then, when I was smoking a cig (I smoked all 4-5 years of duty like a chimney in winter...cut me some slack...I was a stressed mess.) A doc saw my hands cut up with multi colors surrounding it like a rainbow (The BUGJUICE entered my wounds from the grill brick). I couldn't even hold the cig...I couldn't even put my clothes on, tie my boots, or even brush my teeth for a couple months. I was damaged goods. That officer took me to my boss' office and tore them a new asshole."

I got relieved of grill duties just in time. New recruits arrived and I was spared by that awesome soul (the doc). I then began a new chapter. Roasting mannnnny portions of meat and slicing them while the ship rocked like a cradle. Stitches, stitches....

Eventually I worked my way into my own private kitchen and being the greatest hero that ever lived.....actually not the hero part. But I did get my own kitchen eventually and was taught how to cook by Master Filipino cooks whom cherished the Masonic ways. I traveled the world, I saw, I ate, I conquered. Many more stories to and play differ greatly.

Sponsor Content

My Voice Nation Help

Hey My name is Marcquil and i like your story alot!. and i was wondering if i can ask some questions. if so can you Email me @ Thanks!

Now Trending

From the Vault