Top 10 Old School Frozen TV Dinners and Bonus Vintage Ads

Categories: Musings
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Where the hell's the tv?
Aah yes, remember those glorious days when the television was invented and we stopped having to look at and talk to our families while we ate.

Neither do we. As far we know it's always been that way.

Give thanks to the boob tube for giving food companies a way to capitalize on lazy Americanism. According to Wikipedia, Swanson, an early innovator, didn't invent the frozen dinner, but they damn sure marketed the hell out of it under their TV Brand Frozen Dinner moniker. The company sold over 10 million dinners in their first year of production.

Three cheers for American ingenuity. Here are our Top 10 picks for classic frozen dinner meals.

Many thanks to imaginaryworld.com for fair use of several of their pics. The rest came from various other sources.

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Candle light dining?
10. Dining In - Frozen Sliced Beef Dinner: It comes with beef gravy, buttered peas, buttered corn, and whole potatoes and cost 39 cents.....what a ripoff. That crap looks worse than prison slop. We like it for the tin tray you can use to make one of those tanning things with that you always see in the movies.


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Meat filled flying saucer.
9. Banquet Brand - Turkey Pie: Check this old Banquet turkey pie of horrors out. Sucker looks like a scary movie poster. Deep in the depths of the turkey hole abyss, there were peas, there was crust, and there was gravy...dun, dun, dun. And that "turkey pie" lettering? It looks like what you'd see tattooed on the back of a rampaging carnie's neck from your view taped up in the backseat of a rusted out Dodge.


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Improved! hahahaha
8. Swanson - German Style Dinner: From the highly vaunted International Menu, get your ummlaut on with this sliced beef with sauerbraten gravy....Umm, I'm guessing most Americans from the time of this box didn't have the internet to google Sauerbraten Gravy with. For all they knew it could have meant "blood of a dumb American gravy," or "super grade F gravy," or "expired braten gravy." Maybe that's why they felt the need to write "Improved!" on the box. Nothin like eating something that needed improvement.


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We bet it didn't come with that parsley garnish.
7. Morton - Ham Dinner with Raisin Sauce, Sliced Apples, Buttered Seasoned Peas, Sweet Potatoes: Is it just us or does that look like a pancake with rabbit turds on it. What the hell is up with that. Lookin like five black beans in a yellow puddle. Apples look like smashed pig entrails. Sweet potatoes look like some expired gummy slices that have been in the sun too long. The peas look good though. Tight work Morton.


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Oh yeah? What if I don't wanna keep it frozen.
6. Banquet - Macaroni & Cheese Dinner: First of all, what in the name of sex&drugs is a glazed carrot, like, what's it glazed with? Those peas look like the dental extracts from 80 Dade County crackheads. The design of the tray reminds us of the transformers symbol, but we're pretty sure that pyramid in the middle is part of some secret masonic new world order society. Is it just us or is the tri color background a blatant Pepsi ripoff?



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3 comments
thr33phas3
thr33phas3

But now who am I to believe?  erictheviking663 or jpowell180??

erictheviking663
erictheviking663

You must not be old enough to have actually eaten these dinners. Trust me what we have now is FAR superior to that stuff back then. FAR superior! 

jpowell180
jpowell180

Say what you will about these old-school frozen dinners - they're still far better than most of the crap you find these days in the freezer section!

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