Top 10 Foods Charlie Sheen Can't Get in Jail, If He Goes

By Jacob Katel Tue., Dec. 29 2009 at 9:00 AM

Pin It

We're no judge or jury, but we're guessing Charlie Sheen is headed for the slammer. All the celebrities are doing it. Serving a year is the new having a college degree.

Did you know that back in 1990 Charlie Sheen shot his then-fiancee in the arm, accidentally?

If his newest arrest results in jail time we're guessing these are the top ten foods Charlie Sheen might miss most illustrated by photo parodies via Charlie Sheen's mugshot and the creative commons.

10. Pizza Delivery

http://www.flickr.com/photos/g-hat/ / CC BY 2.0

Bro, awesome fuckin pizza dude.

Not even Charlie Sheen can get a pizza delivered to a jail cell.

9. Burgers with friends

http://www.flickr.com/photos/tyrian123/ / CC BY 2.0

Totally killer burger.

Eating burgers with your friends just isn't the same when there's only one place to get em', and you're not allowed to leave.

8. Making Sushi

http://www.flickr.com/photos/adactio/ / CC BY 2.0

Who wants a roll?

In jail terms, "fresh fish" has a different meaning than at the sushi bar. The only seafood they've got in the joint is 'ya see food, ya eat it.'

7. BBQ

http://www.flickr.com/photos/izzyplante/ / CC BY 2.0

Sometimes I dress like a homeless grandpa and cook in the back alley.

As far as we know, jailhouse bbq's don't exist.

6. Fried Fish Soup

http://www.flickr.com/photos/ronnieliew/ / CC BY 2.0

Hey, I love fried fish soup.

If the jailhouse cafeteria is your neighborhood eatery, don't expect to run into any new ones while you're out for lunch.

5. English Muffin

http://www.flickr.com/photos/nukeit1/ / CC BY 2.0

Yeah

Sure, you may be able to legally buy one of these in jail, but where would you rather eat one?

4. Cereal for Breakfast

http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/">CC BY 2.0

Cereal good.

If Charlie Sheen has any special cereals he likes he probably won't be able to get them in jail.

3. Ice Cream

http://www.flickr.com/photos/8692813@N06/2782332793/

Who screams for ice cream?

Would an incarcerated Charlie Sheen be able to roll out of his jailhouse bunk at 3 in the morning, head for the freezer and eat a half a case of cookie dough ice cream?

2. Guinea Pig

http://www.flickr.com/photos/philliecasablanca/ / CC BY 2.0

I used to have one of these as a pet

Hey, Peru has been pushing Guinea Pig as a food source outside of South America since the 60's.

1. Waffles

http://www.flickr.com/photos/90552719@N00/ / CC BY 2.0

We come to you from the planet waffletron.

That's right. Waffles.

Like this Story?

Sign up for the Dining Newsletter: The week's top local food news and events, plus interviews with chefs and restaurant owners, dining tips, and a peek at our print review.