The Great Tomato Mess: Forget About It, They're Evil

​Everybody's whining about the lack of tomatoes these days. The winter freeze down our way messed up the supply, so there just aren't many. DiMare farms, the biggest producer, is sending out just 20 percent of the usual haul.

Subway, my favorite lunch joint, posted a sign yesterday that only four tomato slices are allowed on each 12-inch sandwich. That's weird and not creative. Burger King, unlike most other fast foodmeisters, has run out of tomatoes because it isn't using Mexican suppliers.

So I am now buying into the following. Tomatoes stink. Just check out this site: TomatoesAreEvil.com.

It lists all kinds of reasons to give up the red monsters. Among them:

1. There is a horrible virus whacking the plants in Hawaii.

2. They are associated with black magic in Italy.

3. The green part of the plant contains solanine, which can kill you.

4. They often cause stomach ailments.