Chick-Fil-A Unveils New Spicy Chicken Sandwich, Good Luck Finding It In Miami

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Now you see me. But will you in Miami?

News that Chick-Fil-A recently unveiled a new Spicy Chicken Sandwich, its first new sandwich in 21 years, was met with joy by poultry enthusiasts and Christians around the country. But good luck getting a taste in Miami-Dade County. Even though the national chain is based Georgia, has 1,600 locations across the country and more than 160 in Florida, it largely ignores our county. So what the cluck is going on? What's with the snub?

We went straight to the Chick-fil-A cows for the real reason behind the snub.

Short Order: Is it true that Chick-fil-A hates Miami?

Cows: No, of course not. In fact, we're looking into expanding our operations in Miami-Dade County in the very near future.

SO: But how do you explain so few restaurants in Miami. Is it that Pollo Tropical is too strong down here, or just that you hate Hispanic people?

Cows: To the first question, Pollo who? And to the second question, of course not. Latinos love chicken, just look at Arroz con Pollo. Plus we have Chick-fil-As opening in California, Chicago and a bunch of other Hispanic strongholds.

SO: Does it have anything to do with the fact that we in Miami occasionally sacrifice chickens as part of Santeria traditions?

Cows: Don't be silly man. Better them than us.

SO: You tell me then. Only two in the whole county and one is in a food court at Dadeland. The other in Doral. Have you been to Doral? Not exactly the most thriving part of our county, for foodies I mean.

Cows: Yeah, but there's plenty of land for available for pasture!

SO: What?

Cows: Never mind.

SO: Is it because we make fun of the fact that you are closed on Sundays? You know, because of God. Didn't Jesus eat on Sundays and if he was around today, don't you think he might enjoy a Spicy Chicken Sandwich on the Lord's Day?

Cows: You Miamians can be so insolent.

SO: Aha! So it's because we are godless heathens.

Cows: Bingo!