Overrated Eats: The Chows (Philippe Chow and Mr. Chow)

Has inflation really hit Chester Cheetah that hard? Photo by Jacquelynn D. Powers

​Oh, boy. This is gonna be fun.

The Short Order bloggers decided it's high time we gave the slapdown to some Miami eateries that charge too much, serve bland eats, pay more attention to their decor than the diners, and generally put a bad taste in our mouths, literally and figuratively speaking.

Want to join in the fun? Send your nominations to cafe@miaminewtimes.com.

To get things rolling, let's skewer Philippe and Mr. Chow.

Lee Klein made a poo-poo platter out of Mr. Chow back in November, and many Miami New Times writers agree that Philippe isn't worth the rickshaw ride over, either.

Let's begin with the prices they charge: an average of $30 per person for an entrée is otherworldly and entirely unjustifiable. If the food was of The Restaurant at the Setai- or Hakkasan-status, maybe we'd understand. But when Philippe pumps out dishes like the "oh-so popular" toxic-orange chicken satay appetizer that Riki Altman suspects is made with Cheetos, to pay $18 for food of this caliber is a flat-out insult. Especially when more than one diner has reported that their chick-on-a-stick arrived to the table lukewarm, at best.

And really, do the martinis really need to be $19? It's not like we're getting a lap dance and a pile of shrimp chips with our Stoli.

Then there's the service... or should we say, lack thereof? Making reservations at both places can be a complicated, unpleasant endeavor. And even once your butt is warmly planted in the chair, the servers seem uninterested at best and have been known to look down their noses at you if you choose something that doesn't meet their expectations.

Sure the décor is beautiful at both places and, yes, scenesters can still be found milling about (many can't even afford to eat dinner so they settle for a cocktail and share an app between friends), but we think South Beach would be best served without their overpriced duck dishes and snobbish service.

For our money, we'd rather have takeout from Tropical Chinese. We could suck down two entrees and two appetizers for the price of one appetizer and a drink those South Beach prissy favorites. Then we'll still have a few bucks and the time to head downtown for all the scene we want, sans snobbery.

Ciao, Chows.