Miami's Top Restaurant and Hotel Bathrooms

Looking for a swanky place to relieve yourself after dinner? If so, you're in luck, because Short Order has discovered Miami's best restaurant and hotel bathrooms. This list, the result of copious research, features five of Miami's top toilettes. We rated em based on aesthetic quality, cool features, and overall crapability.

5. In fifth comes the Pelican Hotel and Cafe's restaurant bathroom. Here you will feel like a techno-pirate: TV's are embedded above the urinals, and the stall door looks like the entrance to a brig. Marketing manager Paolo Albertoni told Short Order the hotel mixes maritime elements from the old hotel with a whimsical, playful theme. That's not to mention it makes pissing next to some dude less awkward. Beware when entering this bathroom - occasionally you'll hear an "Arghhhhh" from the constipated old buccaneer in the stall.

Mutineers get sent to Pelican's brig

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TV's above Pelican's urinals

​4. Next up is the women's bathroom at the Ecco's upstairs lounge in downtown Miami. You walk into what feels like a 1920's boudoir. Red velvet-lined couches abound, while oblong mirrors reflect your image. According to part-owner Jonah, trendy Italian sinks and the red coloring agree with Ecco's Italian cuisine and design. Do the squat like Greta Garbo did back in the day.

3. In third comes the W South Beach's bathroom. Here an etched glass screen divides the men's and women's bathroom entrance areas. If parents don't do their jobs, this design breakthrough allows adolescent boys to spy. Alternatively, diners can look through the glass wall to see a mirror that projects an infinitely regressing image of themselves. Trip balls in this chic bathroom.

Glass wall separates men's and women's sides at the W

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Individual bathroom at the W South Beach

​2. Club 50 at the Viceroy made second place. This bathroom features windows looking out on nearby Brickell buildings from the stalls. Watch out for Binocular Bill at Generic Brickell Bank sneaking a glance as you do your business. Smile, you're on candid camera.

1. Balans in Brickell wins first place for Miami's top restaurant bathroom. Glass doors to individual bathrooms are transparent when vacant. But when they're occupied, they go opaque. Often, confused drunks are in plain sight in the midst of tinkling. It may require some getting used to, but this technology makes going to the bathroom an explorative experience. Various users have noted the bathroom as one of the highlights of their night at Balans.

Transparent mode at Balans Brickell bathroom

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Balans bathroom goes frosty

​Pelican Hotel & Cafe
826 Ocean Drive, Miami Beach
(305) 673-3373

Ecco Pizzateca & Lounge
168 SE 1st St., Miami
(305) 960-1900

W South Beach
2201 Collins Ave., Miami Beach
(305) 938-3000

Club 50 at the Viceroy Hotel
485 Brickell Ave., Miami
(305) 503-4400

Balans Brickell
901 S Miami Ave., Miami
(305) 534-9191