Christian Bale, Calista Flockhart, Michael Moore Need Weight Loss Intervention

Categories: News
With New Year's Day only a few weeks away, weight problems are on everybody's mind. And, while normal folk have people who love, help, and support them through dietary lifestyle changes, most celebrities do not.

Michael Moore, known for his controversial documentaries as well as his rugged good looks, is in Miami. Contrary to what he said in a Cultist article earlier this year, he is not here working on a project, but rather to shed some weight at the Pritkin Longevity Center and Spa in Doral. But in 2009, Moore dropped a whopping 70 pounds! It is sad to see someone's self-image so distorted. If he loses any more weight, he'll be able to share a closet with Mary Kate Olsen. Don't do it Michael! We think you look fine just the way you are. You make all the liberal girls swoon.

With that in mind, we present to you Short Order's Weight Loss Intervention--a list of celebrities who need our help more than Michael Moore.

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Christian Bale
It is obvious that Christian Bale has gained a significant amount of weight since he starred in The Machinist. Specifically, over 60 pounds! Bale just began piling on the pounds without realizing that he was a pig headed towards slaughter. You can see his rotund frame in the picture on the right. But this yo-yo dieter has just lost 40 of those pounds--as you can see in his new film The Fighter with Mark Wahlberg. He needs to join an Overeaters Anonymous group to make sure he stays on track to regain his former, svelte frame. Keep it up, Christian!






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via Flickr perpetualplum
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via Flickr perpetualplum
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Calista Flockhart
Everyone knows that marriage adds pounds, but this is ridiculous. Once revered for her healthy lifestyle and ability to keep off the pounds, Calista Flockhart is now pushing pudgy. She needs to tell Harrison Ford that it's her way or the highway so she can regain her trim and fit Ally McBeal figure.

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50 Cent
This "gangsta" has been known to dodge (and take) a bullet or two in his lifetime, but now he is precariously close to getting hit by two deadly bullets--diabetes and heart disease. As you can see in the first picture, he had gotten his weight down to a manageable number, only to bloat up again, as seen in the picture on the right.

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