Food Sitcoms on Cockroaches, Ex-cons, And Rappers

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"Quiet, Phat E is about to start!"
Some opinions are still acceptable in our increasingly politically correct social climate. While most people wouldn't dare make a joke about the handicapped, African-Americans, or newborns, it is safe to say that Carrot Top is a loser, Lindsay Lohan a coke head, and that network television sucks balls.

A new food craze may drive that point home. ABC has already started the bandwagon rolling by developing a sitcom about food trucks. It will be based on a family of Hispanics and star comedian Al Madrigal, whose previous credits include three never-before-heard-of television shows.

Of course, in their limited way, network execs feel that the best way to tap into this market is by creating a line-up of food-related sitcoms for next season. We happened to come across a discarded memo in a strip club parking lot, and it looks like we have something to dread look forward to.

To: D. Mann
From: Creative Dept.
Re: Fall lineup

Las Cucarachas (Mondays at 8 p.m.): This animated series will hook us into two trends that are smoking hot right now--Latinos and food. The nonstop laughs take place at La Cuchara (The Spoon), a Cuban restaurant in Miami (marketing says there is a significant Cuban population down there). Unbeknownst to the Rodriguez family who owns and operates the restaurant, a family of Cuban cockroaches ('las cucarachas' of the title) has lived in the restaurant since Hurricane Andrew. Once Abuela Maria loses her sight and starts faltering in the kitchen, the roaches (who have watched and eaten her cooking for years) decide to pick up the slack and help by seasoning the food as she used to. It's like Ratatouille meets Joe's Apartment meets the Mambo Kings. If we cancel it, Telemundo would be interested in picking it up to try and tap into the popularity of The Simpsons, Family Guy, and South Park. Las Cucarachas is a win-win situation.

3E Monte (Tuesdays at 10 p.m.): This edgy comedy follows the comedic and criminal exploits of Monte, an ex-con fresh out of prison. Trying to pull a scam at a Whole Foods (think-promotional consideration), Monte gets mistaken for a chef due to his heavy accent and excessive use of hands while talking. Monte is American, but sounds foreign due to bad dental work he received while in the slammer. When he realizes that the customer mistaking him for a chef is a rich investor, he cons the guy into opening an upscale restaurant called 3Eats, which of course will be run by Monte as chef. The scam, you ask? Monte hates, and we mean hates, pretentious, snobby people, whom he calls 'droppings' (think-catch phrase!). So, in order to make money and get his revenge on all the droppings in South Beach, he plans to trick food snobs into paying outrageous prices for almost empty plates! 3Eats menu offers only three entrées weighing three ounces each. His crowning glory is an entrée consisting of one escargot set in the middle of the plate on a spoonful of lemon grass for $45. Three Entrée Monte (3E Monte) follows Monte as he pretends to be a snobby chef, whose only real cooking experience was in the can. Lots of potential for laughs from the snooty clientele and Monte's culinary mishaps (which often get mistaken for 'genius' creations!).

Phat E (TBA): We're very proud of this one. Phat E will score points with foodies as well as the urban market. We believe that it may also play well with the gays. Pierre Esteban is a well-known chef by day, in charge of the kitchen of one of the most prestigious hotels in Miami. But he has a secret. At night, he drops his toque (tall chef's hat) for a backwards baseball cap and becomes Phat E--rapper extraordinaire! Pierre is a mild mannered, gentleman and Phat E is a 'gangsta' style character--just thinking about this show makes us laugh! Both of his personas are local celebrities and he must bounce back and forth between them in true Mrs. Doubtfire fashion, especially when Phat E is invited to an event that Pierre is catering! The potential for laughs is endless in this comedy of errors.

Sounds like a laugh riot.

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