Florida Inmates Consume Honey Buns at a Rate of 270,000 Per Month

Categories: Food News
honeybun.jpg
The elusive honey bun: Responsible for making prisoner's lives both heaven and hell.
There may be a new way to deter crime. Apparently honey buns (yes, those gooey, sticky, doughy sponges covered in cellophane) are more popular with Florida prisoners than cigarettes and Coca-Cola.

Florida inmates buy about 270,000 honey buns per month. Fights have broken out and jailhouse murders have occurred as the result of someone taking a bite out of someone else's bun, according to a recent story in the St. Petersburg Times. This leads us to believe that those predisposed towards criminal behavior are somehow irrationally enamored of this sweet treat and willing to go to any length to get one.

Which leads us to further suppose that these majestic sugar cakes can be used for good instead of evil. It is not a huge leap of imagination to theorize that when in the process of being mugged, raped, carjacked, or murdered, one can simply heave a honey bun at the offender and cause them to cease and desist (at least until they are done gobbling up the instant sugar rush -- after that, watch out!). Honey Buns are already used as currency in our prison system, as well as serving as impromptu birthday cakes, sweeteners of illegal jailhouse wine, and even -- a last meal.

Other than these homie honies, prisoners' daily meals are made up of a sodium and fat restricted diet weighing in at 2,750 calories and ringing up at $1.76 per day. All things considered, it is not surprising to find out that these honey buns are valued as if they had Benjamin Franklin's face carved into them. Which gives us a great marketing idea....

Anyone got the number to Flower Foods?

Follow Short Order on Facebook and Twitter @Short_Order.

Sponsor Content

My Voice Nation Help
10 comments
Brian H. Davis
Brian H. Davis

Somebody did not do their research! If you had contacted the Florida Dept. of Corrections. They would have informed you that the Yeast in the Honey Buns is used to start the fermentation process in making "BULK", a highly intoxicating alcoholic beverage made with Honey Buns, Sugar and Vegetable. It's all about Prision Vodka. The FDC would not dare suppress the disposition of Honey Bun because they would have a FULL SCALE PRISON RIOT. (Eood Service Officer DC) http://exm.nr/d5WwJW

Tiphound
Tiphound

you can't flood the market with honey buns! Then they will only be worth one handjob instead of the current 4!

David Whitten
David Whitten

Honey Buns? After worked with a "safekeeping" population within the Texas prison system, I thought this was making reference to something else. Ha.

Arby Trent Darby, Ph.D.
Arby Trent Darby, Ph.D.

Your suggestion of throwing buns at robbers won't work, because, out on the street, they still have drugs. The buns (or anything really sweet) are a substitute in stir.

Garia775
Garia775

LISTEN. DON'T YOU DARE GET BETWEEN ME AND MY BUNS, HUN

Swimpegasus
Swimpegasus

I really enjoy how you told this story. Bemusing, sarcastic.. very interesting. <3!

Now Trending

From the Vault

 

Loading...