Pollo Tropical's 21-Day Diet Will Make You Slim as a Chicken

Categories: Obscurity
plumpchicken.jpg
"21 days to a new you!"
January 1, 2011

Dear diary,
I'm so psyched over Pollo Tropical's new 3-week diet -- "21 days to a new you!" they say, and I can hardly wait. One can only take being called "Old Flabby" by co-workers for so long. I've already had the Day 1 lunch and dinner and so far so good! The small chicken TropiChop with white rice and black beans was tasty, although I wasn't crazy about the green tea. Who drinks green tea with rice and beans? The bottle of water at dinner was an improvement, the rest of the meal being 1/4 white chicken without skin, with more white rice, corn, and a little plastic container of guava bbq sauce. "Hold the roll!" it says on the menu, which helps me be strong. Can't wait for tomorrow's meal!

January 2, 2011

Dear diary,
My stomach rumbled a bit last night, but my spirits picked up again with a Day 2 lunch of boneless chicken breast, with black beans, yellow rice, and bottled water. Tonight I'll get to have a 1/4 chicken of dark meat with salsa, tomatoes, and caesar salad. Naturally I haven't noticed any weight loss yet, but I'm already beginning to feel like a new me in my head!

January 6, 2011

Dear diary,
Sorry I haven't written for a few days, but I've been feeling out of sorts. Don't think it has to do with the diet, I mean there was nothing wrong with the chicken tropi-chop, chicken quesadilla, Caribbean chicken soup, half-chicken quesadilla salad, full-chicken Caesar salad, classic chicken sandwich, 1/4 chicken without skin, and boneless chicken breast I've been eating. I absolutely did remember to get on my knees and thank God, the great Lord almighty, for that guava bbq pork sandwich I got to have for lunch the other day.And the menu instructions to save one of two chicken breasts I purchased for dinner, along with the roll, for tomorrow's breakfast, was a pretty good idea once I thought about it and got called "fatso" on the bus ride home from work today.

January 15, 2011

Dear diary,
I'm starting to think that writing to you, a stupid diary that's just a bunch of paper, is a goddamn waste of time! I'm starting to think everything is a goddamn waste of time! Really, all I want to do is be left alone to roam around my room, look around, roam some more. Have I stuck to my chicken diet? Yes. Do cluck I look skinnier? No. Do I feel healthier? No. Cluck. But I sure am fucking sick of chicken and in a nasty mood nearly all the time. People at work hate me more than ever. It took until Day 12 to get a new twist on the beastly bird, a chicken fajita with black beans, rice, and a Diet Pepsi. I have not only come to hate chicken, but also black beans, and rice of every hue. Cluck.

And diary, please remind me to apologize to the woman behind the counter at Pollo Tropical. When she pointed out that today's diet menu instructed me to hold half of my salad for tomorrow's lunch, I never should have called her a bitch. It's really not her fault.

January 18, 2011

Dear diary,
I got to have my first dessert in what feels like a fucking zillion years today ("Yes! You can treat yourself!" said the cluck miserable Day 18 menu). True, it was a  modest serving of flan that I downed in one gulp, but the sugar rush felt good. Maybe too good. I shouldn't have pecked at the neck of the customer sitting cluck beside me. That was wrong. By the look I received and their quick rush to the exit, I get the feeling that I have not lost the sort of weight I was hoping to lose.

January 21, 2011

Dear diary,
Cluck. Caribbean chicken cluck. Final chicken fajita cluck dinner of "no beans" and rice and cluck fucking Diet Pepsi. Cluck why not fucking Diet Coke cluck just once? Cluck! In one sense, cluck, the diet cluck did work. I am no longer referred to cluck as "Old Flabby" cluck as I have been fired from cluck my job cluck and people avoid me. Plus my cluck present diet, is really cluck helping me lose cluck weight. I eat cluck only high quality feed cluck from livestock store. Shedding cluck cluck cluck pounds like cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck crazy!!!

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Pollo Tropical

2490 W. 60th St., Hialeah, FL

Category: Restaurant

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2 comments
Birdie
Birdie

This post is hilarious. Great clucking job.

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