Sun Life Stadium Should Ban Meat

salmonella(8).jpg
Salmonella bacteria
British soccer stadium Forest Green Rovers Football Club recently instituted a ban on burgers and sausages. Its vegan owner first barred the team's players from partaking in red meat for "health and performance reasons," and then extended the policy to patrons as well, reasoning that if the food wasn't good enough for the players, it wasn't good enough for fans either.

We think the Miami Dolphins' Sun Life Stadium take this a step further and just ban all meat from its menus, not for the sake of being green, but to avoid potential food borne illness and death. According to ESPN's Outside the Lines and the Palm Beach Post, the stadium was rated last year as one of the worst health code violators in pro sports.

Among 107 NFL, NHL, NBA and MLB venues nationally, only two fared worse than Sun Life, with 93 percent of its vendors having committed "critical violations." (The other two stadiums, the Verizon Center in Washington, D.C. and Tropicana Field in St. Petersburg, had 100 percent violation rates.) Among the top complaints were insects being ground up into frozen cocktails and sludge build-up in the frozen drink machines. (Centerplate, the provider of all food and beverage items for the stadium, did pass official health inspection, despite the numerous violations.)

With only 7 percent of the concession stands handling food safely, we think it makes sense to simply delete meat from the menu. Those pummeled-looking undercooked burgers make the perfect vessels for E. Coli 0157:H7, a fun bacterial illness characterized by severe abdominal pain and bloody diarrhea. Those tasteless chicken sandwiches, if not cooked to temperature, could be the source of the next Salmonella outbreak, which can be deadly for those with weakened immune systems.

So why can't fans simply make their own choices when it comes to going meatless? Well, if the food handling is as sloppy as we have reason to believe it is, simply having contaminated meat items near benign foods like lettuce could cause cross contamination and have the same end effect: You on the toilet, in agony. And so we have concluded that the only safe way to have meat at Sun Life Stadium is to not have meat at Sun Life Stadium.

Some meathead football fans might be outraged at the proposal of meatless Miami football, but we say, get with the times, fatties! Would you rather eat a eggplant and zucchini wrap or fall ill for three days?

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Happyu2fan
Happyu2fan

the most deadly foods are non meat foods. sprouts, lettuce are the most deadly for ecoli. deadly alergic reactions occur only due to plants and seafood. Intestinal discomfort - gluten. Seems like nature wants us to eat beef, lamb and goat.

Ryan @ MRPR
Ryan @ MRPR

This author is so biased. Her last name is Lamb, obviously she is half-human, half-lamb and therefore has a vested interest in making sure everyone stops eating meat. I can't believe the New Times publishes this.

CamLam
CamLam

This is funny. I've been made fun of for my last name my whole life but this still made me smile.

Frodnesor
Frodnesor

This may be really, really, really painfully obvious, but banning meat from the menus would do absolutely nothing whatsoever about bugs or slime in the frozen drink machines.

Plus it's not exactly like lettuce and other vegetables are safe from food-borne illness either:http://www.outbreakdatabase.co...

CamLam
CamLam

The bugs in the machines thing was the only excerpt released from the study... I guess it was the most unique one. It is impossible to say what the other violations were, but with such a high violation rate and such lax cleaning policies, one might extrapolate that food borne illnesses like the ones mentioned are hardly far-fetched possibilities.

You are right, vegetables are hardly exempt from harboring food-borne pathogens. This article is hardly exhaustive and it wasn't meant to be taken completely seriously. Thanks for pointing these things out.

CamLam
CamLam

Sorry for using the word "hardly" so many times... I hardly know what came over me.

Frodnesor
Frodnesor

I think you were trying to match me "hardly"s for "really"s.

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