Upper Eastside Date From Hell, Part Two

Categories: Love Bites
lovebiteslogo.JPG
In honor of Valentine's Day, Short Order offers a three-part story on a date gone wrong.

Weeks later, I awaited Ken at Metro Organic Bistro (7010 Biscayne Blvd., Miami). He courteously suggested the venue because I had noted my veganism in e-mails and on my profile. I sat at the bar inside the tall-yet-tiny modernist restaurant, taking in the simple, clean lines of the furnishings. The smiling chef reached across the counter and handed me a menu, and I proceeded to inquire about the vegan options.

Ken arrived a few minutes later. He looked just like his photos, and he was smiling. A lot. "You got here before me," he stated, his grin and his gaze unwavering.

"Yep," I parried sarcastically. "The chef here and I have had time to discuss the ins and outs of every item on the menu. That's how late you are." I found myself mirroring his unnatural grin and tried to stop.

We sat at a long, pub-style table outside, where a cellist accompanied a stringy-haired man in muted green boho clothing as he sang in a passionate falsetto. We discussed the construction on Biscayne Boulevard, and I related what I thought was a charming story of how I almost didn't make the date because I had "lost" my house key at the gym.

"So what are some of your favorite Hitchcock movies?" he redirected, referencing something I mentioned on my profile.

I rattled off a short list, including Vertigo, The Birds, Psycho and North by Northwest.

"What about Rear Window?" he asked.

I wasn't sure that I'd seen it. He explained the plot ― in detail ― and I became sure that I had not seen it.
 
"Do you read books?" he asked.

I was starting to feel that this was more an interview than a date. I sheepishly explained I hadn't read a real book in months, but that I read lots of short fiction, since I like the format and it fits in better with my demanding schedule...

The performers finished a song as I scrambled to mask my Philistinism. He and a few other patrons clapped while I tried to complete my thought.

He interrupted me. "That's one of my pet peeves, by the way. When people don't clap for live music."

Simultaneously stunned, shamed, and infuriated, I could only muster an "Oh," in response. I remembered something I had read on his profile that I hadn't given much thought.  "I'm very forgiving of my friends," he wrote, "but I hold my partner to a higher standard." A familiar and uncomfortable feeling of smallness came over me, and I was quietly aware that ignoring the comment was a poor choice.

Then the waiter delivered my chickpea cakes -- fritters stacked strawberry shortcake-style and topped with avocado, butter beans and tomato. They were delightful in presentation and flavor, but I was talking so much, trying so hard, that I'd only half finished them 15 minutes after Ken had polished off his grass-fed steak. Was that a disapproving look he cast at me as I finally let the bus boy take my unfinished plate, or was I just paranoid?

Hoping the semi-formal dinner setting was to blame for the anxious feel of our interactions, I suggested we head to the cute divey-looking bar across the street for an after-dinner drink.

Follow Short Order on Facebook and Twitter @Short_Order.

Advertisement

My Voice Nation Help
7 comments
Sort: Newest | Oldest
timmy
timmy

How nice is it that New Times lets you intern after school.

NotAllKensFault
NotAllKensFault

Have had plenty of bad dates from online sites, they gotta be really good to make me read about them...

CamLam
CamLam

It gets weirder tomorrow... this one was pretty bad.

rasin eats cake for dinner
rasin eats cake for dinner

I never liked online dating but if this guy is hot maybe he hates people who leave leftovers and son't respect clapping. I don't think he's good enough

Happiness918
Happiness918

Oh boy! I don't know how you remained so calm! I would have immediately started killing him with sarcasm to keep myself sain! Kudos to your elegant poise!

mygoldensunshine
mygoldensunshine

I am so excited to hear the rest, although I am afraid to keep online dating already!

DELIGHTFULVEG
DELIGHTFULVEG

Oh, WOW this sounds disastrously entertaining! I am on the edge of my seat to read Part 3!

Now Trending

Around The Web

From the Vault

 

Loading...