Leave The Damn Turkey Alone!

Each year for this day they give up their lives
We eat them right down to the bone
So lay off the peach glaze, teriyaki and chives
Leave the damn turkey alone!

Natives of India, by all means use curry
To season and uplift your bird
If Japan is your homeland I wouldn't worry
If you smeared it with aged soy bean curd

(Turkey dim sum might very well please
But only for those who speak Cantonese)

Here in the States the basics suffice --
No Russian blini. No Spanish rice.

Don't bother with studding the stuffing with cherries
Or making the glaze for the turkey from berries
I pray there's no truffle oil in the gravy --
I'd prefer that glop they serve in the Navy

Hummus-topped cornbread? I think I'll pass
(for reasons, I swear, unrelated to gas)
Cranberry sauce and green beans will do
My mashed potatoes needn't be from Peru

Don't scour your seasoning rack looking for jerk
Or cumin or pimenton
Stick with tradition, it really will work
Salt and pepper, in the oven -- you're done!

We kill and devour them without much adieu
Must we strip birds of their dignity too?
So for this year's Thanksgiving let us atone
And leave the damn turkey alone!

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