Bourdain's No Reservations Is Back Tonight: Five Places We'd Like to See Tony Visit

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Laine Doss
Sure Tony can go to 'Nam...but can he handle the Tower of Terror?
Anthony Bourdain -- chef, traveler, writer, snarkmeister, and media whore extraordinaire -- is doing the full-on media blitz to get the word out that No Reservations premieres tonight, at 9 p.m. on Travel Channel. Last week he was on Jon Stewart's Daily Show, where Stewart said he gets diarrhea just from watching Bourdain eat.

This year's No Reservations has Bourdain traveling to the usual mix of beautiful and stark places in the world, including Austin, Texas; Baja, Mexico; the Burgundy region of France; the Croatian Coast; Finland; Rio de Janeiro, Brazil; Kansas City, Missouri; Lisbon, Portugal; Malaysia; Sydney, Australia; and Mozambique.

Of course, we're looking forward to his unique brand of sarcasm and travel tips (and, thankfully, no freaking clock ticking down like in his zippier travelogue, The Layover), but we think Tony is missing out on some other really fascinating destinations. So with that in mind, we're putting on our producer cap and offering the five places we'd love to see featured on No Reservations:

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Dixie Stampede via Facebook
5. Branson, Missouri
We think a No Reservations Branson episode is genius. This little country town, named after the area's postmaster general in the late 1800s, has grown into quite the tourist destination. We would like No Reservations to focus on Branson's thriving dinner theater scene. Tony could take in The Legend of Kung Fu (which includes an authentic Chinese feast featuring " Southwest Missouri's original cashew style chicken served on a bed of sesame infused rice garnished with a sprinkle of green onions and fresh steamed vegetables") or Dolly Parton's Dixie Stampede (featuring live horses and fried chicken), before heading up into the Ozarks in search of real mountain men and moonshine.

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4. Atlantis, Paradise Island, Bahamas
Picturesque blue waters mingle with giant water slides and the sounds of slot machines in this oasis of the damned. With over 2,300 rooms, this resort is its own city, filled with tourists in shorts and flip flops, reeking of piña colada scented suntan lotion. Tony could take us on a tour of the predator pool, strangely located adjacent to nature's own aquarium (called the Atlantic Ocean), before heading out to graze at one of the three buffets before he showers and mingles with sell-out chefs who opened outlets at this portal to hell with palm trees (Bobby Flay, Jean-Georges Vongerichten, and Nobu Matsuhisa we're talking to you).

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You know... most of us watch No Reservations because Anthony Bourdain does not go to these places. I might actually be offended if he did. 


This is more of Samantha Brown's territory. 


You guys must really want to torture Mr. Bourdain by sending him to tourist places like those!!!

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