Slutty Food Costumes for Halloween and Their Miami Alternatives

Categories: Holidays
Josie Stevens Lollipop dress.
Miami is filled with a bunch of sluts.

Everywhere you turn, there's a slutty gal strutting up and down the street making the ladies in red proud. Nipples and the general boob area make more appearances on South Beach than beer in Milwaukee.

Bare ass cheeks and midriffs are just about as common here as they were the day you were born.

But let's be honest: Partial nudity is what makes Miami so great. In the spirit of Halloween, we've found a handful of slutty food costumes that could use some major Miami tweaks. Instead of a sexy hamburger costume, for example, we'd prefer to see a sexy Cuban sandwich dress.

Here are some others.

Cherry Pie
Miami may not be considered the South, but we still are in the south. Cherry pie is nice and all (we're especially fond of the cross action going on in the boob area), but let's be real. Who here eats cherry pie?

The Miami alternative: A guava and queso pastelito dress. Tight, flaky, gooey, and creamy.

This one is a little better in terms of general Miami-ness. Because it's practically summer year-round here, watermelon is a natural go-to for locals. Sure, the juicy fruits aren't all grown locally, but it's the thought that counts.

The Miami alternative: Slutty sandia mojito dress. White rum, a few leaves for mint, a splash of red for sandia, and lime.

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EzƦă VɅǹ
EzƦă VɅǹ

uhhhh...and these come in child sizes as well

Suzie Chang
Suzie Chang

Im gonna be un cortadito for halloween.. Lol

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