Here's What to Eat if Mitt Wins

8. Cottage Cheese Low in fat, low in calories, high in protein and calcium. Republican candidates are said to give away tasting cups of cottage cheese to elderly voters inflicted with osteoporosis.

Sort of excited about this one.

7. Country Ham One of the few things we enjoy that is truly America, sort of like Jazz. Country hams are hogs' legs salt-cured, sometimes with pink nitrate salts, then smoked for a period of either months or years. This curing technique is popular south of the Mason-Dixon line, where being seen eating thinly prosciutto or jamon iberico could earn you a label as a socialist European.