PETA Sex: Loons Overshoot With Zucchini (Video)

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Oh PETA, I've got your number. You're like that girl in college who always got drunk and flashed her boobs before vomiting on her shoes. You'll do anything for attention.

Look, I know that you've got an important message to get across, and we need animal rights advocates just as much as we need the Cattlemen's Beef Board and the American Meat Institute.

Both sides are hellbent on letting you know that they're right and the other people are crazies -- sort of like the two extreme sides of our two-party political system. After all, you can't have the Tea Party without the ultra-liberals as a check and balance.

But methinks you've gone too far in your Stay Firm and Fresh video. In it, you've taken a gal's love for vegetables too far.

You know that "cucumber" myth? It's just that, A myth. Modern day ladies have got a lot of high-tech options. We don't need to prowl around the produce aisle trolling for a wild Saturday night. All those phallic-looking veggies are just the makings of a salad to me and most women. I mean come on -- does the sight of a halfed cantaloupe or a taco shell make you all horny? (Maybe I don't want the answer to that).

To make matters worse, you've chosen some unattractive men to feature in the video. If I were to go all crazy on some guy for his "big zucchini", he wouldn't look like my prep school headmaster or some creepy car wash guy. And what's with all that "thrusting"? Just... wrong.

So, PETA, I'll make a deal with you. Keep the veggies away from my va-jay-jay and I promise I won't have a big hot sausage (for dinner) tonight. Deal? Deal!



Follow Laine Doss on Twitter @LaineDoss and Facebook.

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