SantaCon Coming to Miami: Is It a Menace or an Amusement?
The last time I was part of SantaCon, it was a complete accident.
Santacon Lots of Santas. All of them drunk.
On the way home from a two-week safari in Kenya, I had an overnight layover in New York City. When the taxi dropped me off in Greenwich Village, I noticed something amiss. Instead of the usual streets teeming with people wearing black coats in December, there were hordes of people wearing white beards and plush outfits. SantaCon!
Men and women of all ages and various degrees of intoxication filled every nook and cranny of the sidewalk and spilled out into traffic. Trust me on this one: You never want to see one Santa puking his guts up on a sidewalk while two other Santas stick their tongues down each other's throats in an inebriated attempt to get lucky. It was hell.
SantaCon itself, which took over New York City this past Saturday, December 14, is supposed to be a fun day where you wear a Santa hat, donate a few bucks to charity (which goes to various local institutions like the New York Food Bank), and drink at bars, but the day often goes awry. Mostly because anyone can turn into an asshat when drinking for hours on end. And just because you wear a fuzzy red suit does not make you a jolly old soul.
Lest you think Miami is getting away without Santas Gone Wild this year -- guess again. SantaCon 2013 is scheduled to hit our fair city this Saturday, December 21, around 11 a.m. at Brother Jimmy's BBQ before continuing through the streets of Brickell. Advance tickets cost $20, with proceeds benefiting the United Way.
If you haven't yet experienced the annual depravity, here's the warning on the website:
Glad I'm not around for the douchely horde of projectile vomiting Santas currently infesting NYC.— Anthony Bourdain (@Bourdain) December 14, 2013
...Jäger-swacked Kris Kringles screaming for more Donkey Sauce and Bob Seger flooding Times Square #SantaCon— Anthony Bourdain (@Bourdain) December 14, 2013
"Merry Christmas, bro'" http://t.co/RuWtM4Qqba (I support drunken Santas beating the crap out of each other. It thins the herd.)— Anthony Bourdain (@Bourdain) December 16, 2013
So, what should be a festive evening of this:
Turns into a ruckus of Santas beating the crap out of each other.
Warning: Do not play this video with kids in the room, lest you scar them for life:
If you do partake in SantaCon this weekend, drink responsibly, don't vomit on your rented red suit, and try not to punch another Santa, OK? It freaks out Buddy the Elf: