Miami Food Blog

​Another year, another Beaujolais luncheon, another boast that the current crop is the best in years. "You get a vintage like this every century. Last one as good was 1947," insisted winemaker Stéphane Queralt. I didn't want to say this to Stéphane, but in spite of a positive spin on the 2008 vintage, guests at last year's gathering were grumbling that it would best be used for cooking.  Then he added, "And this time we really mean it,"  and you could tell that this time he really meant it. But how does it differ from, say, last year's batch?

He notes that getting so deep a color "after only between four and five days maturation is special." The nose "is complex", and the tannins, which this Beaujolais has in abundance, "are very very soft, like velvet or silk." It is "comfortable", "refreshing", and, most pertinently according to Mr. Queralt, "after finishing a glass you feel as though you want another glass. That's a good point for wine."

This year's theme, Rootstock: Peace, Love, & Beaujolais, meant VW hippie vans filled with recreated hippies accompanied the ritual Biker Chef brigade that arrived to fanfare at Au Pied de Cochon in South Beach (Sean Bernal, Oceanaire Seafood Room; Sean Brasel and Mickey Deshane, Meat Market; Stéphane Hainaut, Barton G The Restaurant; Carla and Luis Lopez, Soyka; Bruno Macazaga and Mustafa Filiz, Villagrande Club at Porto Vita; Kieran Masek, ONE Group-STK; Gerdy Rodriguez, MIA at Biscayne). Belkys Nerey was there too, but she didn't arrive by motorcycle or hippie van. It just occurred to me that I have been living in Miami for a long time -- I spelled Belkys Nerey properly without having to look it up.

The gathered guests enjoyed a sampling of canapes outdoors, with choice of various Georges Duboeuf wines. We especially liked a full, fruity, golden green Pouily-Fuissé 2007. I should mention that this was the first media dinner I have yet been to, wine-based or otherwise, that featured a prolonged Grateful Dead set played over the speakers.  

A Plymouth Gin Aviation

​The evening began with talk of a "vodka backlash" occurring in New York. Too many brands, too much ubiquity, too neutral a flavor. Enter gin, with its' aromatic botanicals and complex flavor -- the ideal antidote to dull cocktails. Or at least that's the world according to Simon Ford, the brand ambassador for Pernod Ricard USA -- whose portfolio is bolstered by the super-premium Plymouth Gin, produced in West England since 1793. And a beautiful world it is, especially after my sixth or seventh cocktail at Eos' gin dinner this past Tuesday evening.

Our first drink was a Floradora, the Plymouth gin mixed with ginger beer, raspberry, and angostura bitters. This is a modern cocktail usually concocted with ginger ale, but Eos' bartender added his own spin by switching to ginger beer. It tasted like a lime rickey to me, even though it contained no cherry or lime. In retrospect, I probably shouldn't have guzzled it. Passed hors d'oeurves included a grouper ceviche with essence of gin and more of an essence of chipotle. It was delicious.

My next drink was the classic Negroni, a trilogy of gin, Campari, and vermouth. Kick-ass. Dinner began.

​Versailles is an odd place. Long legendary as a pow-wow spot for local politicos, celebrities, gangsters, and politically connected celebrity gangsters, this fabled Cuban restaurant's got all the ambiance of some kitschy-haute cafeteria at an upscale senior citizens' resort. But, hey, that's OK because you're not here for the Louis-XIV-explodes-all-over-Denny's décor, you're here for the food. And, by "food," you mean booze. 

via urbanite bistro

​Last time we had a beer dinner it consisted of a malt liquor tall can and a bag of chips in a parking lot downtown. Little did we know that the Urbanite Bistro (62 NE 14 Street, Miami) is doing a better version of the same thing starting Friday, November 20 with their newly launched monthly beer dinners.

Next Friday's meal will combine six courses of Urbanite's "eclectic bistro fare" with craft beer pairings. The night is hosted by Chris Montelius of South Florida's Fresh Beer. Cost is $35 (plus tax and tip) and starts at 8:30 p.m. Seating is limited and guests must reserve their spot by Wednesday, November 18. Here's the menu:

• Course I - Woodpecker Pear Cider with Wild Mushroom Empanadas  (vegan-white truffle gravy)
• Course II - Ayinger Hefe Weizen with Wild Mussels (lemon grass broth with a touch of Thai red curry)
• Course III - Victory Pilsner with Alligator Egg Rolls (roasted mango and jalapeno crème)
• Course IV - Victory Smoking King Stout with Moroccan Lamb Sliders (tomato, harissa mayo and tabbouleh)
• Course V - Rogue Chocolate Stout with Natural Short Rib (braised vegetables and roasted garlic mashed potatoes)
• Dessert - Seadog Wild Blueberry with Pear Cobbler

Log on to urbanitebistro.com for more info.

Jacob Katel

The Miami River is calling your name.

​Every bar/restaurant that's into getting green should throw a good reggae night. What better for the kitchen than a high-life crowd of hungry people smoked out on the river?

Waxy's On The River (690 SW 1st Court) is taking a piece of the action with their new Reggae Wednesdays. $3 Budweisers, $4 Red Stripes, and $5 imperial pints of Guinness are the drink specials, and the kitchen rocks til 5 a.m. with signature Irish fare, bar style food, and casual upscales.

The restaurant has teamed with bashment kings Kulcha Shok Muzik to make Wednesdays on the river a reggae party. Short Order called everyday-hustling reggae promoter Lance O. to see how the deal was struck and get some info. Here's what he had to say:

Photo by Jacob Katel

Setai Mixologist Paul Sevigny.

​Hold on to your curly little tails, folks. It's no secret that pork flavors have somehow made their way into the world of trendy cocktails (still haven't tried a Bacontini or Bacon Bloody Mary?), so perhaps it was just a matter of time before the essence of our favorite squealers found The Setai's Bar & Courtyard, The Grill and The Restaurant.

Mixologist Paul Sevigny, the mastermind behind the new cocktail menu, already gave Miami New Times' Jacob Katel a step-by-step prep show for his Saigon Gimlet and Aviation, But now it's time for the real meaty stuff: the Hickory Old Fashioned and Asian Picnic. Both feature an intriguing combination of citrus and pork. Hickory has bacon- and sage-infused Wild Turkey Bourbon, honey syrup, and orange bitter, and is garnished with a flamed orange peel. The Asian Picnic offers smoked pork belly-infused Jack Daniels Bourbon, chile syrup, compressed watermelon, citrus, and shiso.

​Each and every worker drone dreams of escaping the gray, soul-crushing confines of the office for the warm, womb-like safety of his very own microbrewery. You, me, and your boss have all had the exact same 4 p.m. fantasy: "Make beer, get rich!" And yet, here we sit in our cubicles, no closer to the dream, still stuck in the research phase, a.k.a. drinking warm beer under our desk. 

Doesn't the dude above (video by Jake Katel) just look-and sound- like the human embodiment of a Boston-brewed beer with a whopping 27% alcohol content? All he needs is one of those colonial get-ups and, like, a drunk horse by his side.

Sam Adams brewmaster Bob Cannon invited Short Order to a "beer dinner" at the Upper Eastside eatery Michy's. This was a lot different than the beer dinners we usually treat ourselves to, which usually involve malt liquor and a peanut butter cracker. Chef Michelle Bernstein paired different Sam Adams' varieties, from Coastal Wheat to the warm-and-toasty Old Fezziwig Ale, with complimenting dishes like braised and seared pork belly with smoked grapes.

It's all part of Brewmaster Bob's master plan to make Americans re-think our notion of beer as something that's most at home in a bong. "Beer can easily be as complex and versatile as wine," he tells Short Order. "There are seven hundred flavor compounds in wine, and two thousand in beer. For example, everybody thinks of wine and cheese, but beer's actually more appropriate for cheese. The CO2 in beer actually works as a pallete cleanser."

He converted us, but to be fair, we're easily wooed- especially when a beer's ABV is larger than Joe Sanchez' final voting bloc. After the dinner, we tasted Utopias, one of Sam Adams' "extreme beers", which is five times stronger than your average beer, looks and smells like a cognac, and costs $150 per small bottle. After the jump, some photos from the dinner.

Courtesy of RA Sushi

Shino Naughty at RA Sushi.

​Just when you finally matured enough to order the Rooty Tooty Fresh 'N Fruity with a straight face from your friendly neighborhood IHOP server, some local mixologists are testing your tolerance with feisty names for their favorite cocktails.

Celebrate the departure of the Fuzzy Navel, Sloe Comfortable Screw, and Sex on the Beach with an extra shot of sass the next time you're out getting hammered with your buds. Try on one of these five selections for size:

Shiso Naughty
This martini is a blend of Skyy Infusions Pineapple vodka and X-Rated Fusion Liqueur with yuzu and a Japanese shiso leaf. Enjoy it at all RA Sushi locations with the new Hot Mess: crispy rice balls topped with a spicy king crab mix, then baked and finished with jalapeño and cilantro.

Left to right: Soley, Prestige beer, and Tropical Rhum Punch

​Outside Tap Tap, there's a truck parked under a palm on a patch of grass between the sidewalk and the street. It's a Toyota that's been pimped with Haitian folk art flourishes: hand-painted murals splashed across the hood and sides, an iron headboard adorned with the word Rezistans, and some rustic woodwork. Tourists pose with the oddity for photos while local scenesters sip, sip in the shadows of the front patio.

Inside, Manno Charlemagne and his band jam through "The Birthday Song" stirring up a private party for a blond girl and her blond friends while I sit, hidden around the corner in an adjacent room, taking part from afar. With me, there are two saints and an infant king watching from the walls and three Ayisyen drinks -- a stubby bottle of Prestige beer, one Soley, and a Tropical Rhum Punch -- sweating on the table.

Photo via Flickr/CC2.0

The party monkey lives.

​The Party Monkey rides again.

Saturday kicks off the Taste of MiMo season. Get ready for monthly street parties featuring bottom dollar deals on food and drink along Biscayne Boulevard in Miami's Upper Eastside from 50th to 78th streets.

This Saturday's MiMoWeen edition has a daytime schedule dedicated to family activities like FREE miniature golf at the Upper Eastiside Garden (7244 Biscayne Blvd) and safe-streets trick or treating.

But when night descends it's all about grownups acting like kids. Free drinks for costumed revelers at Soyka (5582 NE 4th Court), UVA 69 (6900 Biscayne Blvd.), Le Café (7295 Biscayne Blvd.), and Moonchine (7200 Biscayne Blvd.) should get your Halloween started right.

When you've got your proper swerve on (don't drive though) head on up to Red Light Little River (7700 Biscayne Blvd.) for their gourmet haunted house.

Log on to www.mimoboulevard.org for more info.

Photo via Flickr / CC 2.0

Get your head checked.

​Screams, laughs, naughty nurses, dudes in drag, and more drunks than you can shake a pitcher at. That's right, Halloween is almost here.

Some might say it's spirit that fuels the revelry, but we know it's really just alcohol. Here's the recipe for a drink that has the look and packs a punch.

The Brain Hemorrhage is made with:

• 1 1/2 oz Peach Schnapps
• 1/4 oz of Bailey's Irish Cream
• 2 drops Grenadine

First pour in the Peach Schnapps, then slowly pour in the Bailey's Irish Cream, finish off with drops of Grenadine as desired for effect.

The order of the pours is important to this shot, and when completed they will create a coagulated, bloody, brainish look that you can drink yourself under the table with, and that has a peaches and cream type flavor.

Jacob Katel

Gita Shonek kicks back a cold one.

​Fourteenth Street is the Janis Joplin of Downtown. She came into some money, her legs are wide open, everybody's welcome, and she's down to party. Here's a new notch in her belt.
 
DRB Miami (255 NE 14th Street, between NE Second and Biscayne) is a bar and restaurant that just opened across the street from the Arsht. The DRB, which stands for Democratic Republic of Beer, has 400 bottled stouts, malts, pilsners, lagers, and more from around the world, and they're gonna be open from 11 a.m. to 5 a.m. seven nights a week.

Co-manager Giorgio Saumat says "We're doing a good portion of our business late at night. Our cheapest beer is $2 for a PBR, which is crap, or we have Deus, from Belgium, which is $40. We have 400 beers, wine, champagne, a full restaurant menu, and all the beer and food is broken down by country."

Old-school booze bombs: the Well-Mannered Dirty Martini, left, and Chicago's Martini

​You know, Tom Brokaw was right when he called our grandparents the "Greatest Generation." Not only did they fight World War II and rescue the world from the evil clutches of fascism, but Grandpa and Grandma totally knew how to party. Oysters, steaks, and a half-dozen martinis all in one sitting? Then dancing? Really, only an ironclad constitution forged under the harshest of circumstances -- the Great Depression, Normandy, the Cold War -- could handle that kind of gut-busting fun. 

Jacob Katel

New Times art critic Carlos Suarez De Jesus with bottles in parking lot.

​What can you say about a job where several liquor companies a year contact the office to hold tasting demonstrations? Fucking awesome.

When Ron Abuelo hollered at Short Order to see if we were interested in finding out about their product we set up a drinking appointment for 11:30 a.m.

Our notes are kind of sloppy, but here are some interesting things we learned: Ron Abuelo is a 100-year-old company from a small town in Panama. Ron Abuelo still produces their signature rums the same way they did 100 years ago, and unlike many other companies are in charge of every phase of its production. Ron Abuelo still use ox drawn carts to haul materials. They have over 1,000 employees and they built the first sugar mill in the Republic of Panama.

Ricardo March is the vice president of sales & marketing for Varela, the company that imports Ron Abuelo.

We have four bottles of Abuelo Rum to give away that come with limited edition coasters, and not the crappy cardboard ones either.

Leave a comment giving us a good reason to give you a bottle and we will, as long as you're at least 21 and leave a valid email address so we can contact you.

Jacob Katel

Nespresso

​Last night at the Setai on South Beach (2001 Collins Ave., MIami Beach) Richie Rich and Pamela Anderson presented their fashion line A*Muse for Funkshion, another South Beach fashion week.

Nespresso, a Nestle owned home espresso machine that uses a capsule system, was there giving out free espressos and cappuccinos.

Silver Dagger Vodka drinks, Presidente and Presidente Light beers were also available for free. But that didn't stop people buying at the Setai bar. Short Order saw one dude pay $34 for a gin double. Gotta love South Beach.

Check out more pictures from the event after the jump.

Christian "Woodside" Gonzalez crushing citrus behind the bar

​Last night at SoBe's swanky Shore Club, the usual crowd of clean-cut marketing types, long-legged girls, and old dudes with braided ponytails gathered to imbibe large quantities of free booze. I was there, too. And together in the Red Room, we all loaded up on sips and shots of a new local liquor, 4 Orange Vodka. 

Jacob Katel

​World, meet the Pink Elephant, a drink designed for Plunge, the rooftop bar at the Gansevoort South (2377 Collins Ave., Miami Beach). One dollar from each Pink Elephant sold in October will be donated to the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure Foundation for breast cancer research and awareness.

One Group Master Mixologist Jay Law, who came up with the drink, says "In the 30's and 40's they would say that a really strong drink could make you see pink elephants, so being a classic mixologist I thought that went well with the theme of pink for breast cancer awareness.

A lot of bartenders down here that deal with classic cocktails kind of look down on the mojito. They want to use whiskey, and dill paste, and red peppers, but it's like, embrace the pool. You gotta give the people what they want. This is a light, refreshing drink with clean flavors, and fresh juice, that's dressed up with champagne and female friendly for the ladies on the rooftop."

via Payton Chung's flickr

Hungry....so hungry.

​"Dude. So, fuckin', hungry. Let's eat."

Whether you're poking key holes into malt liquor tall cans in an abandoned field, drinking $10 Heinekens at a club on South Beach, slamming shots at home with friends, or draining funnels from a second floor fire hose beer bong, there will always reach a point where you hear, say or agree to heed the call for food, glorious food.

Here is our Top 10 list of drunk munchies, the foods you find yourself eating while intoxicated.

​In 1949, Tom Kelley, Sr. snapped a series of nude portraits of Marilyn Monroe that have come to be known as the "Red Velvet" series. One of these photos - "Pose 8" - appears on the label of The Velvet Collection's new Napa Valley Cabernet Sauvignon 2007. The discreet golden overlay atop Marilyn can be peeled back from the label, revealing the original image.

Other wines in the Marilyn line include Marilyn Merlot; Norma Jeane (a young Merlot); Sauvignon Blonde; and Blonde de Noirs sparkling wine. The Cabernet Sauvignon 2007 is described as being "as generously proportioned as the legendary Miss Monroe". The Pose 8 Cab is being offered in magnum (1.5L) and 750ml bottle, each packaged in a sealed and numbered presentation box. The magnum retails for $200; the 750ml bottle is $69. It probably isn't necessary for us to point out that these prices likely reflect things other than quality of the grape. The wines can be ordered via toll free phone (866-MMWINES) or here.  

From left to right: Stout, shot, spiked coffee. Guzzle it and feel good.

​

If you're like me, you don't eat meals, you drink them. You're on a tight schedule with only ten minutes to stuff the gut, so there's never time to chew. But you still need your essential vitamins, nutrients, and other basic sustenance, right? Well, the solution's easy -- just head over to the freshly minted Brickell Irish Pub and get acquainted with the Lush Lunch, a three-course midday meal that's perfect for the professional on the go. 

Caipirinha and Pisco Sour

​I'm sure we can all agree that Latin America has some gastronomic traditions that would make Anthony Bourdain run screaming into the Amazon.

I'm also sure that Latinos sure know how to drink.

Need proof?

​1. Aguardiente: At between 29 and 60 percent alcohol, this Colombian drink has enough  kick to be vodka's sexier, bigger-breasted sister. Aguardiente which, by the way, means "fire water," is distilled from sugar cane, giving it a smooth, almost-sweet taste. If you can't make a trip to Colombia, don't fret -- aguardiente brand Cristal is readily available in the U.S. in its many flavors, like "Xtreme Wild" (seriously).

2. Pisco: If you want a drink with some...history, pisco is the way to go. Peruvians have been drinking this grape brandy since the late 1550's, when Spanish settlers began to plant, harvest, distill, and presumably get wasted off their colonial behinds on the stuff. As the drink nears its quincentennial anniversary, it remains hugely popular -- probably due to the infamous pisco sour, a cocktail containing lemon juice, egg whites, syrup, bitters, and, of course, pisco.

Jackie Sayet

Can you handle it?

​Are you a beer purist or do you like your hops with a scoop of ice cream, a splash of Moet Chandon, or Reposada? 

Owner Eric Fried of 8 Oz. Burger Bar (1080 Alton Rd, Miami Beach; (305) 397-8246‎) has something for everyone with 12 new draught lines installed last week and a menu of 16 house-designed mixed drinks to make them shine. 

Mixed Berry Beer Float?  Yes, it works.  Surprisingly well.

The 8 Oz. brand is licensed from Chef Govind Armstrong, who exited Miami with the Chapter 7 bankruptcy filing of Table 8, now left with New York and Los Angeles locations.  The City of Angels is also home to the only Govind-owned 8 Oz. Burger Bar.

Fried, a native New Yorker turned Miamian three years ago, isn't about to let the mark's woes scar his operation. Look soon for his new 'Suds & Sliders' menu of baby burgers paired with a flight of what's new on tap, like Shipyard Pumpkin Head Ale, Boulder Beer Company's Hazed and Confused, Dogfish Head 60 and 90 Minute IPAs, Chimay Triple Grand Reserve, and Lindeman's Lambic Framboise (averaging about seven bucks for a pint a la carte.)  In addition to sporting unique handles, the draught's M-Star kegs are housed for all to oogle in a unique glass tender held steady at 34.8 degrees.  Pretty snazzy.

lee klein

​One doesn't think of Holland as home to the world's finest vodka. Nor does one necessarily associate Vincent Van Gogh with being a vodkaphile; seems more like an absinthe sort of guy. Then again, I've got a hazed purple bottle of Jimi Hendrix Vodka on my shelf, so I'm not a stickler for cohesive narratives when it comes to alcohol labels. My only yardstick when choosing vodka is smoothness. Well, that plus how cool the bottle design is.

You can check out Van Gogh's bottle in the photo -- not as Impressionistic as one would imagine, but pretty enough. But to the point: Three little sample bottles of Van Gogh mango, pineapple, acai/blueberry vodkas -- and three little sampling judges.

Quick test group taste scores:

Mango vodka:Sprightly orange and cucumber notes fondle flavors of Indonesian mangos -- a felony in that country, but only a misdemeanor here. I was gathering verbal impressions on the mango vodka from the test group gathered for the sampling, but apparently their words went Indonesia and out the other -- although I vaguely remember that it wasn't our favorite flavor.

Pineapple vodka:Tart acidity (or is that acid tartness?) with a hint of orange (or could that be tangerine?). Quick cocktail recipe: 4 parts pineapple juice, one part pineapple vodka. Shake vigorously with ice and strain into chilled martini glass. Garnish with pineapple wedge. This is officially called a Hawaiian Sunshine, but we think Van Gogh Sunflower has a nicer ring.

Acai/blueberry vodka:Violet hue makes the nicest color cocktails of the three, and blueberry/acai infusion, with whisper of almond, tastes best -- enjoy it well chilled and straight in an acai-blueberry Van Goghtini. No, we didn't make that up. Acai, of course, is best known for its' salubrious boost of antioxidants, so those concerned with good health will want to guzzle gallons of this stuff!

No, we are not going to end this post with a stupid joke about the cutting off of an ear -- what a tired Van Gogh cliché! We will note, however, that at $27 for a 750 ml. bottle, had Vincent purchased a bottle at least it wouldn't have cost him an arm and a leg.

Jay8085

Blue Agave cactus

The mad mixologist in action

Christian Sanders, bartender at The Living Room Bar in the W Hotel South Beach, took home top prize at Bombay Sapphire's "Inspired Bartender Search" last week at the Palms in Las Vegas. Here is our own local, inspired mixologist's winning recipe:

The Garden Sour Hour

1 1⁄2 parts Bombay Sapphire Gin
1/3 part Galliano liqueur              
1⁄2 part Lemon Juice        
1⁄2 part Triple Sec            
1 part Celery Juice         
1 thumbnail Dill Paste
2 dashes of Orange Bitters

Salt half the rim with cracked black pepper and Himalayan sea salt.
Discard all ingredients into a Boston Shaker.
Add ice to the top and shake vigorously for 5-10 seconds.
Double Fine strain & garnish with a Dill Sprig.
 

Getting creative with garlic croutons and bacon

Generally, I'm not a big buffet fan. But it's not the heart-crippling calorie count involved in consuming massive quantities of deep-fried animal flesh that turns me off. Really, I just can't accept serving myself in a restaurant. Whatever the deal, I paid for a waitress. Where's my waitress?

There is, however, one major exception to my general dislike for self-service dining scenarios: the booze buffet. That, my friends, is innovation. No more weak-ass pours, no more fancy bullshit. And most recently, I was won over by the weekly Sunday Bloody Sunday alcoholic free-for-all at 8 oz. Burger Bar.

The scene plays out like this ... Show up with a $20 bill and swap it for a VIP wristband that entitles you to bottomless Bloody Marys. Within minutes, the waiter will bring a vodka pitcher to the table before pointing you and your boozing buddies toward a DIY drink station where the mixings and fixings await. There's the Tabasco Bloody Mary mix. (It's a buffet. You gotta expect ready-made mixer.) You'll also find fresh-ground pepper, Lea & Perrin's Worcestershire sauce, some liquid smoke, and Jane's Krazy Mixed-Up salt, among others. Then, you've got the garnishes, like jalapenos, cocktail onions, chopped hardboiled egg, cherry tomatoes, capers, pickles, and sliced almonds. 

So you are your own bartender ... Get buzzed, go loco.

Jacob Katel

The Setai's Sage Lady: Gin, elederflower, yuzu house citrus, sage floater.

​Add "Bacon Infused Bourbon" to the list of the things to try before '09 is up. Soon you'll have the chance to do so at a high-life, Asian-style hotel on South Beach.

The Setai is revamping their bar menu with new drinks and cocktails focused on infusions and recipes created by mixologist and bar chef Paul Sevigny. According to Paul, "a bar chef takes a more culinary approach."

The Setai gave us the opportunity to check out a few of Paul's creations. Here they are, in pictures.

A heady glass of Tucher Helles Hefe Weizen

​For the average individual, the current anorexic state of the economy can be boiled down to a pair of very basic problems: too little cash and not enough booze. That's why the forward-thinking folks at Bin No. 18 must be commended for their Bailout Beer program, serving up affordable premium draft to cash-poor Miami citizens each and every day of the week. 

​Yesterday evening, I found myself in a shadowy corner of the Yard House, a warehouse-style chain restaurant and beer supermarket at Merrick Park. There's a massive selection of 50-odd pale ales, dark ales, lagers, and more; it's a garish scene, set to the nerve-squelching strains of so-called classic rock like "Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now" by Starship. Why would a semi-professional alcoholic and part-time philosopher waste valuable drinking-slash-thinking time here?