Oh, I'll miss the Shuckers deck.

I have spent a lot of time there eating small crustaceans. One time, I arrived early to meet friends and I was stuck in that awkward point in a bar where you just order a drink and try to sip it by yourself, pacing things so you don't get drunk before your friends show up, because that would be tacky.

A guy approached me and it was clear he was way ahead of me when it came to alcohol consumption, and not concerned much about etiquette. He was obnoxious, probably on vacation and willing to be an asshole out of town.

He was also middle-aged, fat and sweaty. I was not any of those things that evening, though I'm not pretending I was the best catch in town. I really was just out to meet up with some friends for drinks and peel-and-eats at Shuckers. I was not looking for a jerky drunk guy on vacation. I was not looking for anything.

(The deck collapsed last Thursday and about two dozen people were rushed to the hospital.)

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Wikipedia

What's in store for the ever-expanding Brickell neighborhood?

It's enticing to bring out-of-town friends to Brickell and show them Miami's progress as an action-packed metropolis. They can walk to one of three Publix stores or buy cigarettes, Red Bull, or whatever stimulant tickles their fancy at the shiny new 7-Eleven. Yet when the time comes to grab a meal, someone quickly realizes what's most prevalent: PF Chang's, Rosa Mexicano, chain sushi restaurants, and enough Irish pubs to earn the neighborhood the tongue-in-cheek nickname "Little Dublin."

As the walkability and convenience of living in Brickell improves, we often find ourselves getting in the car and heading into greater Miami for something to eat.

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Acme Bakery owner Alejandro Ortiz responded quickly and thoughtfully to this week's restaurant review. What follows is his response: More »

Jonathan Lazar

The closing of Sustain, the Midtown restaurant that emphasized local everything, elicited groans from some parts of the blogosphere. Months later, the space remains empty, but rumor has it the team behind the adjacent Sugarcane (and Lincoln Road's Sushi Samba Dromo) has taken over the space and is planning an Italian restaurant.

Shortly after Sustain shuttered, Managing Partner Jonathan Lazar returned to his native New York to manage Gran Electrica Restaurant, a Mexican restaurant opened by Sam Richman (now departed) in Brooklyn's Dumbo neighborhood.

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​Remember Nick and Jessica on MTV's Newlyweds? There were Jessica's questions such as, "Is this chicken, what I have or is it tuna?" referring to the label on a tuna can that read "Chicken of the Sea" or when she asked whether Buffalo wings were really wings from the buffalo? The show ended after four seasons, a People's Choice Award and Nick and Jessica legally parting ways. Today Jessica is a very successful business woman and immensely pregnant.

Pregnant women have strange cravings. Jessica and her enormous tummy waddled onto the Jay Leno show last week in 6" heels and mentioned that she obsesses about Slutty Brownies and can't get enough.

This made me think. When did it become endearing to label products and plated foods offensive names such as Slutty Brownies, Filthy Olives and Fat Bastard wine? Simpson described the brownies as "moist, rich, delicious and they are so much more. They have three layers of cookie dough, one on top of the other and loads of other good stuff. I just can't stop eating them." Her present nude photo on the cover of April's Elle magazine can attest to that.

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​'Tis the season for thievery, according to Adweek's list of most shoplifted items during the holiday season. Filet mignon and Jameson whiskey are numbers one and two on the list.

Though that might conjure images of rich men stuffing meat and booze into their suits, most shoplifting is done by opportunists, according to the National Association of Shoplifting Prevention. And they aren't kids. Three-quarters of shoplifters are adults with jobs.

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'Turd' and Vinnie flanked by SandBar staff

SandBar Grill will always be the heart of the Grove's Bermuda triangle of college bars (on the same block as the Tavern and Barracuda). Spend an early evening with regulars "Turd" Ferguson and Vinnie and your cup will runneth over with tales of sordid fun. Just don't overstay your welcome by asking too many questions, lest you be accused of being a spy for Miami Commissioner Marc Sarnoff--of the "let's save the Grove by making bars close early and killing its soul" infamy.

There's the time a sloshed regular swung on and unhinged the horizontal stripper pole atop the bar--a Sandbar original--falling on his hind parts in a male version of Coyote Very Ugly.

Or there's the time after losing a football bet that a patron agreed to streak around the triangle. His dash landed him in the middle of a packed Sandbar on Penny Beer night, where he did a naked bump and grind slowly snaking his way through hundreds of disgusted, yet delighted, students.

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Sure red meat makes you horny. And Spanish fly is the greatest of all aphrodisiacs. But what red-blooded American wouldn't want a cereal mascot to keep his or her hunger satisfied on Valentine's Day, too? As to what each one could provide in the lovin' department, well...

​1. Tony Tiger's a manly man. And his "Greeeeaaat!" growl sure as hell sounds like he's having an orgasm.

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Sean Brasel

​Sean Brasel is the chef/co-owner of Miami Beach's sultry steakhouse known appropriately as Meat Market. The restaurant sits in the space formerly occupied by Jonathan Eismann's Pacific Time [You know it's now in the Design District, right? Yeah. Thought so.] and, seemingly, being there has provided some good juju in weird economic times. More »

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