Miami Food Blog

Come to us Todd.

​Still not announcing any concrete plans to move into our neighborhood, Todd English continues to make us swoon from afar. Now that he's got da Campo Osteria in Fort Lauderdale, Figs in Palm Beach Gardens, and Wild Olives coming to Boca in the old Opus 5 location (oooh--was I supposed to let that cat out of the bag?), I'm willing to bet it's just a matter of time before he gets a hankering for the Miami lifestyle. Of course, there's also the matter of him being a singleton again... surely he knows all the hot chicks are down here, right?

In the meantime, as I yet again am encouraged to visualize him glistening from the sheen of olive oil (read on to understand where that comes from), here are this sexy celeb chef's top 10s:

New Times: What was your most embarrassing cooking-related moment?

Todd English: I was in an off-Broadway production called Chef's Theater where I actually sang and cooked on-stage, and at one of the performances I was so into singing my Dean Martin number--You're Nobody 'Till Somebody Loves You--that I knocked over the dish I was cooking onto the stage.

NT: What food/utensil/technique still confounds you?

A rolling pin for pizza dough--it's gotta be hand-tossed baby!

www.truthabouttony.com

Have it Stewart's way.

​On October 20, NASCAR Champion Tony Stewart will test the authenticity of his preference for the WHOPPER® sandwich during a live polygraph as part of "The Tony Stewart School of Endorsements" ad campaign for sponsor Burger King. The one-hour webcast should be a hit with the driver's fanbase and is the crowning PR moment in a series of new TV spots by Crispin Porter + Bogusky that depict Stewart pontificating to his celebrity peers on the do's and dont's of being a corporate shill. 

The Miami-based burger giant has yet to disclose who will do the grilling, although "The King" would be an obvious candidate.  Too bad he doesn't speak.

​Let's face it.  If it's Kobe you order, true Kobe you may not always receive.  With the glut of steakhouses and burger joints flooding this town, more and more "Kobe" is turning up on menus in enough forms to make the IRS jealous.  Kobe burgers.  Kobe sliders.  Kobe corn dogs?  Certainly not an encouraging sign.

So in case you forgot to ask for some clarification (not that you should have to) as to exactly what beef will turn up on your plate when it's listed "Kobe" on the menu, we're making a few calls and visits.

First up -- other posts will follow -- DeVito South Beach.  Here, clarity conveniently comes in a form, too: a certificate of authenticity.

www.limefreshmexicangrill.com

​Few things are more depressing to us than diluted condiments. So imagine the head-scratching when on a recent visit to Lime Fresh Mexican Grill in midtown Miami, rogue ice chunks are found inside the containers in its chilled salsa bar.

Why on Earth water down these zingy batches of house-made condiment fun?  And with the same cubes on the ice bed in which they rest?  Convinced it is a mistake, the misfires of a well-intentioned refilling trip, we immediately approach the manager on-site for some answers.

"We place them inside on purpose to keep the product to temperature, required by law to be 40 degrees," he responds. "They're the same cubes on the bed, but fresh from the machine in the back."

Incredulous, we later call the only local corporate-owned store, on South Beach, and speak to Director of Operations Roy Parker for some clarification.

"Thanks for letting me know," says Parker. "We ice down the outside of the salsa containers to maintain the appropriate temperature. It's not a brand policy to place ice inside salsa containers, as yes, that would water them down. I'll be making a phone call to the midtown store immediately after this one."

You're welcome Mr. Parker.  And thank YOU for putting a stop to the insanity.

Lime Fresh Mexican Grill
Midtown Miami
The Shops at Midtown Miami
3201 N. Miami Ave., Suite 100
Miami, FL 33127
305-576-5463  Fax:305-576-5499
Mon-Sun 11 a.m. - 10 p.m.

South Miami Beach
1439 Alton Rd.
Miami Beach, FL, 33139
305-532-LIME (5463)  Fax: 305-532-5676
Mon-Sun: 11 a.m.-10 p.m.

North Miami Beach
14831 Biscayne Blvd.
North Miami Beach, FL 33181
305-949-8800  Fax: 305-949-8804
Mon-Sun 11 a.m.-10 p.m.

Lime Fresh Mexican Grill is franchising locations. For more information, please e-mail: franchise@limefreshmexicangrill.com

image via pareeerica's flickr

​Short Order's been bothering every restaurant worker we meet for stories from their time working in the restaurant industry. Pen and pad in hand we approach them in kitchens, at bars, in hallways and at hostess stands. Sometimes the stories come to us.

That's how we met twenty eight year old Carol Mel (made up name). The South Miami High class of 99' grad was hustling an order out when she stopped to ask what we were doing in the kitchen. "You got any good stories?" She stopped for a minute to think and then told a great one about a bloody pool incident at a high profile hotel on South Beach. She worked there as a server for three years before moving to her new job, where she's been for five years (another high profile South Beach hotel). Carol is also a college student.

The incident she goes into occurred about six years ago. We couldn't confirm the story so we won't tell you where she said it happened, but we will tell you what she said. Here goes...

Chef Tim Andriola

​Chef Tim Andriola has been lauded by food critic John Mariani in Esquire Magazine as a "chef to keep your eye on," going on to say that he "definitely has the touch of a master."

He started as a kid in Lee, New Hampshire at his family's restaurant, the Gateway. In South Florida he started as a busser at Chef Allen's before becoming Chef De Cuisine. Later, he worked as Executive Chef at Mark's South Beach before opening his own spot, TIMO in Sunny Isles with former Norman's GM Rodrigo Martinez.

Here's a funny kitchen story as told by Chef Tim Andriola...

Jacob Katel

​ Former Top Chef contestant Howie Kleinberg has a restaurant in North Miami called Bulldog Barbecue (15400 Biscayne Boulevard). Short Order ran into Howie last night at Taste of the Nation, an event that tours the country raising money to end childhood hunger in America. We asked him some questions. Here's what Howie had to say about his restaurant, the food he serves, kitchen waste, fighting hunger and begging money on the street...

Short Order recently walked up to Paula Hiebert and two friends cause we heard her laugh from a mile away. She's just a random lady I figured would have a funny story. Paula Hiebert wants her first and last name used in this blog so that when her friends from high school google her it'll come up. We asked her what her worst and best restaurant experiences ever were. She was more than happy to tell us. Here's what she had to say:

• Worst: "I cut into a steak and it was green in the middle. Red and green. The waiter came over and apologized a million times. They gave me all kinds of free gift certificates to eat there, which, it's funny that they wanted me to come back and eat there after that. They did get me really drunk though, which was nice."

• Second Worst: "It was a sushi restaurant. My tummy didn't feel so great. The tuna was a little slimy & I was three rolls in when I noticed. I went home and I was singing to the porcelain throne."

• Second Best: "One of my most wonderful restaurant experiences was at the Waldorf on South Beach. The beef was tender, just like I like it. The best is when they just love you to death at the table. I flirt with every waiter I've ever had, girl or boy, I'm not prejudiced."

• Best: "The best ever was at Blue Door at The Delano. This girl served me a cocktail and the strap of her shirt slid off her shoulder and her boob was served with the drink, it just popped right out in my face. It was quite nice. The pepperoni was perky. The mojito came with a breastito. By the way it was natural, I'm quite sure. I gave her a ten dollar tip immediately I might add. That whole night was very nice."

image via waffler's flickr

Care to make a wager.

Short Order recently met James, a veteran waiter with more war stories than a hundred year old soldier. Here's a funny story:

"I was working at Capital Grille at the time and this table of guys are eating dinner. One of em's got on this $15,000 watch, one of those Pierre somethings, whatever, a fuckin' $15,000 watch. So this guy's asking him about the watch, he'd do anything for it, that kind of thing. So the guy says, "If you stand up on the table, get naked, and spin around, I'll give you the watch." Sure enough the guy stands up, gets on the table, takes off all his clothes, keep in mind the place is packed, gotta be three hundred people in there eating, fine dining steakhouse. So he gets down off the table, puts his clothes back on and says, "Alright, I did it, gimme the watch." His buddy looks over at him, pauses, and says "Nah. You didn't spin around." Hahahaha. Fifteen-fuckin'-thousand-dollar watch."

image via JelleS' flickr

worst customer ever

As part of Short Order's continued efforts to expose the less glamorous realities of restaurant work, we've been asking workers about their lives. Here, Mary Edwards (fake name) from "some restaurant in Miami" (to protect the identities of the innocent) gave us this story about a particularly bad customer:

"Christmas Eve we ran out of lobster for the lobster salad. Someone went out to another restaurant and borrowed some from the chef over there, we do that sometimes in emergencies.

So the lobster gets back and they make a whole bunch more lobster salads in the kitchen and I take em and start giving them out in the dining room. Well I see this one particular individual is already on dessert, so obviously I'm not going to walk up and give them a lobster salad. So they see me from across the restaurant, and they were drunk, like really drunk, and so this person comes up to me and in the festive Christmas Eve atmosphere they call me a bitch. So I explain what the situation was and why things happened the way they did, and I'm being really courteous and then they tell me I'm not only a bitch, but I'm a lying bitch. Keep in mind we're right by the front where all the customers are walking in. So this screaming, drunken man is yelling obscenities at me and I ended up having to comp a bunch of things on their table just to shut him up."

image via johnwinkelman's flickr

Hey eaters, guess what, while you're off in the dining room eating spaghetti at your favorite restaurant there's a whole universe of drama spinning in the kitchen. An entire Greek tragedy may have played out over your plate as it went out. One great tradition is the kitchen prank. Short Order's been creeping past dumpsters to the back of the house and asking the staff of places all over Miami for their stories. Here's one from a cook in central Dade:

This cook pranked me. He salted my drink, so I knew I had to get him back. He loved to drink iced tea. I told him someone wanted to talk to him or to go check a recipe to get him out of the kitchen. Everybody wanted to get him. We pureed four habaneros with a table spoon of water, put it on the rim of his glass and dumped about 3 ounces in his iced tea. Finally he came back and he's working and he don't take a drink til he been working and is very hot, and he sweaty and thirsty. He get his drink and he so thirsty he just start drinking and chugged it down and he start burning up and scream and curse. Then he said, "Fuck, dude, you got me good."

File under just another day at the office. Cristina Moguel, general manager of John Martin's Restaurant and Irish Pub, relates this story of a memorable drunk.

"This chick took our toilet seat out of the handicapped stall and ran out with it. She was wasted. I had to chase her out into the street. She finally surrendered after a 20 minute facedown. I had to threaten to call the cops. I have no idea why she did it. She said she just wanted to. I didn't even wanna grab it out of her hands. It was still warm."

Jonathan Eismann's Pacific Time in the Miami Design District is just over a year old. According to Eismann, it reminds him of his old Lincoln Road location (back when the outdoor mall was an empty strip). "In a lot of ways, it's very similar. I remember Lincoln Road in '93 being very quiet at night. It's like a flashback. I call this area WeBe, West Beach. I thought 'SoBe' was the stupidest fucking thing I'd ever heard -- now it's a drink.

"I'm workin' out the details to be able to get to the point of buying or leasing some more property. It's not easy -- there's a lot of major-league bureaucratic hoopage, but I'm lookin' to do two more small-box restaurants around here, and this neighborhood really needs a bar.

"We're doing Recessionista Thursdays (small plates and wines, fixed price) and Cheap Date Sundays (wine, two apps, main course, dessert, $49)."

I met up with Eismann at Pizza Volante. He told me a couple of great fuckin' stories, bought me a Brooklynese, and then went off to have dinner with his folks. Here's what he had to say...

Jackie Sayet

This clean plate club always chips in, even with the dirty work

image via Chef Fern

Turkey A La King In The Reefer

Last week Short Order introduced you to American warrior Chef Fernando "Fern" Garcia. We asked you to comment if you wanted more and the overwhelming response brings us to this, volume II of Fern's Confessions of a Navy Cook. Keep the comments up, and tell your friends to give it a read. Any other armed service mess specialists out there? Let us know your war stories. Without further ado, here is volume II.