Image courtesy writerscafe.org

Ready to move up in the restaurant biz?

Every day every caliber of Miami restaurant heads to Craigslist to seek the help they need.

You can just as easily find the Genuine Hospitality Group staffing up for the onslaught of tourist season as you can a nameless Kendall pizza joint looking for a prep cook and dough stretcher.

It's a democratic forum. Companies offer their opportunities while anyone and everyone is free to pursue them. Yet if you stop driving like such a maniac and slow down to look a little closer, you'll find things are more interesting than they appear.

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Shankbone WikiCommons

Martha Stewart is on Match.com

Martha Stewart has joined Match.com. The 71-year-old domestic diva is looking for love on the Internet dating site. While it's great to think that Martha is actually looking for love, one has to wonder just how sincere the whole process is.

While there really is a profile on Match.com (and Martha herself has written a blog about posting a profile with the help of a few dating gurus -- including Match's CEO Sam Yagan), Stewart has tied the profile in with the release of her new book, Living the Good Long Life.

Read also:
- Martha Stewart Talks SoBeWFF, Love of Florida, and Vegetarian Meals

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Cap'n Crunch via YouTube

Cap'n Crunch is getting his own talk show.

Just in case you thought the late-night talk-show circuit was getting too crowded, make room for one more celeb in the mix -- and be sure to add some ice-cold milk.

Beginning May 7, celebrity cereal mascot Cap'n Crunch will host his very own late-night YouTube talk show every other Tuesday night at 11:35. And, like the cereal, the show is geared toward stoners adults, not children.

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This is why cats hate us.

If you think writing a good catchy jingle is easy, think again, young grasshopper. For every "You Deserve a Break Today" and "I Wish I Were an Oscar Meyer Weiner," there are dozens of cringe-worthy losers.

They are the musical equivalent of road kill, but still demand attention. Then, like some parasite, they take root and stay there, keeping you awake with the memory of bad instrumentals and saccharine happiness.

We've put together a list of the worst -- some of them "official," some of them "fan-based" -- all of them lousy. Don't blame us when the nightmares come.

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Poor Nancy!

Oh, mon dieu. Petite bites means "little dicks."

Leave it to a set of skilled brand developers to screw up and make our neighbors across the pond in France laugh hysterically at us.

Those stupid Americans, they probably thought.

Yep. Right they are. Because much to your likely surprise, this ad is for little quiches sold in the frozen-food aisle at local grocery stores. It is not for a French penis-enlargement drug and not for a new "small is in" campaign in France.

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ChatChow.com

CatChow...we smell something fishy...

If you've been noticing some weirder-than-usual news coming at you today, better double check the calendar!

That's right, bitches -- it's April Fools' Day and there were plenty of websites and companies that punked us, but good. We especially liked Twitter wanting to charge for vowels and Google's new smell-technology. Kudos to Sprint for their new ultra-high-tech specs, too!

But, of course, our favorites are food-related and many local blogs got in on the action. Here are our favorites:

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Screenshot via YouTube

Does Ralph Pagano do the Harlem Shake?

Alba Seaside Italian's chef/partner Ralph Pagano always has something up his sleeve (and we're not talking about a spare "King" hidden in his orange chef's coat -- though he probably has that too).

Whether it's telling us a story about his great-grandfather Vinny D. or cohosting a show on Lifetime (yes, television for women), the affable chef always makes us hungry for more of his food -- and antics.

This time, Pagano has gotten on board with the Harlem Shake craze, with a twist. The chef has filmed two renditions.

See also:
- Fieri, Zimmern, Zakarian Do The Harlem Shake
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via guysamericankitchenandbar.com

Somebody must have been on the receiving end of a misfired shot of Guy Fieri's Donkey Sauce and isn't too happy about. The food television personality and his team forgot to buy all of the web addresses that could be associated with his Times Square restaurant. Hilarity ensued.

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tokyofashion.com

Valentine's day is here.What are you going to do? Where are you going to go? Who are you going to be with?

Lucky for you, Short Order has all the answers for the romantic holiday. We've already given you a guide to restaurants doing Valentine's dinner, foods to make you a stallion in the sack, and the prettiest spirits to sip on. So what's left?

Well can't tell you who to spend it with (that you're going to have to decide for yourself), but we can give you our list of the loveliest and tastiest chocolate edibles that you can get your sweetheart, mom, co-worker, or boss on this Valentine's day.

Haven't you heard the way to someone's heart is through their stomach.

See also:
- Valentine's Day Dinner for Two Under $100 in Miami
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poundland.co.uk

Ever wondered where the tradition of leaving milk and cookies for Santa comes from? Probably not, but out of mystical curiosity we searched and found that the theory dates back to Western Germany and was formed as part of a medieval custom. A "paradise" tree was decorated with apples, wafers, and/or cookies. When the tree merged with Christianity and became the Christmas tree, cookies and wafers stayed as part of the decoration. How 'bout them apples? Apparently Santa didn't like those, but he did seem to like the fattening stuff.

On Christmas morning, after children opened their gifts and actually took notice of the tree, they realized that the cookies had been snacked on, and attributed it to Santa (who else could have done this?). In reality the culprit here were mice, but no good parent was about to tell their newly excited and Santa believing munchkin the truth. In turn, children took this opportunity to get Santa on their good side and use food as a bribe for better presents, and so a tradition was born. Parents moved the cookies away from mice and off the tree closer to a safe place and on a plate where it was more hygienic for Santa to eat from. Homes that did not use wafers or cookies as edible decorations but heard the stories thought it would be quite the treat to leave out something for themselves while they did Santa's work. Eventually fewer and fewer people decorated the tree with food but wanted to keep up the tradition of leaving something for Saint Nick.

We're not really sure whether we believe this, but be it true or false, it's about time the old tradition gets a new twist. After all, Santa's a foodie. Have you seen that belly? So give Santa a break and cut him off a piece of that Kit-Kat bar and these other options instead.

See Also:
-Christmas Lechon: From Hialeah to Your House (Recipe)
-Miami New Year's Eve 2013 Dinners

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