Hannah Sentenac

Flora-Bama, y'all!

Unlike the rest of America, in Florida, you have go north to go south. More redneck than refined, the rest of the Sunshine State is full of pick-up trucks, Southern twangs and country music. Head north just a few hundred miles, and it's hard to imagine there's a place called Miami.

And despite any lingering South Florida snobbery, there are lots of spots worth visiting elsewhere in the state -- many of which happen to be unforgettable drinking dens. Arguably, the best of the bunch is the iconic Flora-Bama, a mainstay on Perdido Key since the mid-'60s. The bar, half of which sits in Alabama, half in Florida, is also known as the Flo-Bam -- and it's home to mullet-tossing, epic bushwhackers and bikini contests.

What's a mullet toss, you ask? It's where dudes take turns throwing a fish from the Florida side to the 'Bama side. Seriously.

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All photos by Zachary Fagenson

Inside Stephen's, a corned-beef-fueled time machine in Hialeah.

Circling around Hialeah side streets near LeJeune Avenue we found Stephen's Restaurant only after dodging a 10-foot-by-10-foot slab of marble being offloaded into a warehouse.

A New York-style deli with house-made, hand-sliced pastrami and corned beef loaded onto thick slices of griddled rye bread is the last thing we thought we'd find here. Yet Stephen's is a holdover from a bygone era, when Formica countertops were still in style and the area was home to a garment district and a large Jewish population.

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American Life League via Facebook

Fetus-o-Lantern. Because vampires are so last year.

Halloween is right around the corner and you've got to figure out a way to one-up last year's Jack-o-Lantern. A quick look around the internet shows the usual vampires, black cats, ghosts, goblins and bad-guy  celebs and characters like Darth Vader and Justin Bieber (who is truly evil personified).

We've found a great way to truly terrorize the children in the neighborhood -- while at the same time making a statement that life begins at conception......

A Fetus-o-Lantern!



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Ben & Jerry's

Ben & Jerry's, the ice-cream company that likes to push the limits with its own unique sense of edgy humor, has finally reached a limit.

The frozen-treat manufacturer, known for its pop-culture-inspired ice-cream names, is suing the producers of Ben & Cherry's adult DVDs, saying the "hardcore pornographic" videos and related goods are tarnishing the Ben & Jerry's name.

The trademark lawsuit, filed in Manhattan's U.S. District Court, names Rodax Distributors and Caballero Video as defendants. According to Bloomberg Businessweek, the complaint claims "the hardcore and exploitive pornographic infringing Ben & Cherry's DVDs" are likely to confuse consumers by "creating an association of the Ben & Jerry's family of marks and the Ben & Jerry's trade dress with pornography."

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When my co-worker brought in edible "presents" to the office from his Colombian mother-in-law, it wasn't your typical box o' chocolates or salt water taffy; instead these souvenirs were hormigas culonas, or big-butted Colombian ants and gelatina de pata de res -- cow foot gelatin.

Most of the reactions from my metrosexual co-workers were less than brave. Sour scared faces quickly filled the office as the Tupperware of nearly a dozen 2 inch-long dead ants were passed to the sound of shrilling shrieks.

For the daring cultured few, including myself, it was a delectable feast. Crunchy, moist, salty and delicious are a few words that came to mind. "It tasted like really roasted popcorn, you know, when the kernel is half-way popped so the crunchy shell is surrounding the buttery nub?" said a voice from behind the cubicle.

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espn.com

Sharapova's face and gummy lips.

Maria Sharapova released her newest wave of endorsement this week. Gone are point-and-shoot cameras, fluffy dogs, and fancy European watches. No, no, this time, the London Olympic games silver medalist, beast tennis player, and poster child for fitness, can add candy to her repertoire.

Because that makes all the sense in the world.

So like all great sports fanatics, we here at Short Order did a little digging to find other strangely paired sports-figure-confections. We weren't expecting to find much, but news flash: they actually exist.

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Urbanspoon

The Wet Back Willie...for your dining pleasure.

A new restaurant needs to catch the eye of would-be diners quickly. Naming dishes is so important that consultants and PR people make full-time jobs out of this activity. So, maybe the owners of Lola's Burrito Joint in Jacksonville should have pulled out their wallet and hired a professional while coming up with a name for their oversized burrito, because somehow they settled on the "Wet Back Willie."

According to First Coast News, co-owners Carlos Ramirez and Robert Kapuschanski, christened the meal after their dishwasher (and good friend). Kapuschanski argued the name was harmless: "He said, 'Name it the Wet Back Willie after me,' and some people took offense," he tells the station.

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Now that the wily scientists at NASA are no longer busy launching shuttle missions, they have time to focus on their inner foodie. At Houston headquarters, they are in the early stages of planning a menu for a team of six to eight astronauts for a planned mission to Mars some time in the 2030s.

A manned mission would require a lot of food, at least a year's worth. Some estimates have placed a one-way flight from anywhere between 400 to 450 days. And the astronauts will have to stay there for 18 months once they arrive to the Red Planet.

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Miami Archbishop Thomas Wenski pulled even yesterday with Oklahoma big collar Paul Coakley as the Miami Heat downed the Oklahoma City 100 to 96. The two priests bet on the series at a conference in Atlanta.

If Miami loses, Wenski owes Coakley hand-made cigars and stone crabs. If OKC fails, Coakley is offering organically-grown Oklahoma beef courtesy of the Oklahoma Beef Council.

Okay, wait. Doesn't Phillipians 2:4 read?: i>Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others."

Oh well, Wednesday we noted that mayors were betting stone crabs and steak on the series.The prelates' wager adds a new wrinkle: the loser will have to be photographed in a T-shirt from the opposing team. Yes,go back and re-read that sentence, this is a real story.

Hold on another minute. Hebrews 13:5: ...be content with what you have, for he has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you."

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OK, so the Oklahoma City Thunder whacked the Miami Heat last night. But does that mean Miami-Dade Mayor Carlos Gimenez will have to pay up with frozen stone crabs?

On Monday, Gimenez and Oklahoma City Mayor Mick Cornett bet on their cities' competing teams: If the Heat wins the series, Gimenez will be shipped premium Oklahoma steaks, and if the Thunder triumphs, Cornett will feast on stone crab claws from South Beach's Joe's Stone Crab.

One problem: Stone crab season ended May 16. Leave it to Miami to turn an innocent bet over luxury food items into something sneaky and crooked.

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