Miami Food Blog

Wendy Maharlika is the manager/waitress at Naoe in Sunny Isles, and she took part in a hot dog throwing contest on the Jimmy Fallon show the other night.

This clip from the Jimmy Fallon show is from a feature they have called Hot Dog In A Hole.

In this episode contestants throw hot dogs into the mouths of Twilight stars Bella Swan, played by Kristen Stewart, Jacob Black played by Taylor Lautner, and Edward Cullen played by Robert Pattinson.

Jimmy Fallon and his announcer Higgins make funny wiener, tube meat, and hot dog references as part of the schtick of contestants throwing franks in the mouths of the Twilight movie stars.

Jimmy Fallon says "Wendy, you've got Jacob Black here. You confident you can cruise your meat sticks through that sexy hole?" Wendy says, "I'm cruising those meat sticks." Then Jimmy Fallon says "Sounds like you got hot dogs on the brain."

Wendy was in NYC on a foodie birthday vacation. Log on to naoemiami.com for more info on the restaurant she owns and operates with Chef Kevin Cory. Click here for Lee Klein's review of the joint.

The question was this:
Only two people currently working in the South Florida food industry graduated The Culinary Institute of America with the highest honor accorded: The Francis B. Roth Award for Outstanding Performance. Can you name them?

Most folks guessed Tim Andriola correctly. Neal Cooper eventually felt he had triumphed with Alfred Portale as the second Roth winner. But...Portale graduated top of his class in grade point average, but we haven't found any evidence that he copped the Outstanding Performance trophy. And even if he did -- is Portale really "working in the South Florida food industry"? Our judges say no, but since Neal came closest he gets the prize -- a copy of David Sax' Save The Deli. (Neal: I'm on vacation now, but will get the book to you upon my return).

The correct answer:
Tim Andriola
Me

Jackie Sayet

Show biz

​Hot dog and mustard?  Psychotic chef?  A cluster of grapes? Food freaks were out in full force Saturday night as hundreds of thousands converged on Lincoln Road for one of the largest - if not most colorful - Halloween costume pedestrian parade in the country.

Patrons piled into sidewalk seating at the outdoor mall's eating establishments for an up- close personal view of the freak show and ate more than just Reese's peanut butter cups..

Meat Market celebrated its first anniversary with special seatings at 8:00 and 10:00 p.m. and a $75 prix fixe three-course menu for outdoor tables.  We spoke to chef/owner Sean Brasel as he and his team prepared to do a big night of about 400 covers.

Jacob Katel

If I find one more fucking eyeball in my cheeseburger....!

​This eyeballed up cheeseburger bus poster was seen this morning in Wynwood. We look forward to seeing more of this type of art work. Not that we endorse it. It's illegal, and wrong, very, very, wrong.

We're gonna have to look into whether the county got rid of the budget for graffiti cleaners like they were planning on. This could be a new era of street art leaving a lasting impression. Here's to seeing it go food related.

Everybody's doing it.

​Sometimes, everything you've ever feared about the drive- thru is true. Careful what you say into that fast food speaker.

Short Order recently met Trew Money, his rap name, in a local bar and grill kitchen where he was working as a dishwasher.

We asked if he had any funny stories from working in the restaurant business and his face lit up, he cracked a smile, and he said, "Yeah...I got some stories dawg."

"I was working at a Steak-N-Shake in Hialeah Gardens that's closed down now. All of us that was working there were young, like 16, 17, 18.

First off, the manager was fu#*!cking one of the servers. Well, then he started fu*#!cking another one, and the first one found out, and that was just drama right there.

​In 1949, Tom Kelley, Sr. snapped a series of nude portraits of Marilyn Monroe that have come to be known as the "Red Velvet" series. One of these photos - "Pose 8" - appears on the label of The Velvet Collection's new Napa Valley Cabernet Sauvignon 2007. The discreet golden overlay atop Marilyn can be peeled back from the label, revealing the original image.

Other wines in the Marilyn line include Marilyn Merlot; Norma Jeane (a young Merlot); Sauvignon Blonde; and Blonde de Noirs sparkling wine. The Cabernet Sauvignon 2007 is described as being "as generously proportioned as the legendary Miss Monroe". The Pose 8 Cab is being offered in magnum (1.5L) and 750ml bottle, each packaged in a sealed and numbered presentation box. The magnum retails for $200; the 750ml bottle is $69. It probably isn't necessary for us to point out that these prices likely reflect things other than quality of the grape. The wines can be ordered via toll free phone (866-MMWINES) or here.  

via acufest.com

​People get stabbed on the streets of Miami all the time, why not pay to learn about the non violent version at Acufest 2009.

The first annual festival promises a day of "acupuncture and healthy living" that includes an organic food and wine tasting with gourmet organic food and over 40 organic wines and an offering of organic cocktails.

Is that organic enough for ya?

The food and drink should power you through the exhibits and demonstrations. A few are the community ring, energy healing, extraordinary vessels experience, meditation chamber, total performance golf, acupuncture facial rejuvenation and more.

Acufest goes down Sunday, October 4th from 11 a.m. - 5 p.m. at the Conference Center of The Americas on the grounds of the Biltmore Hotel in Coral Gables.

Tickets are $25 in advance, $35 at the door, and kids 12 and under get in free. Visit http://www.acufest.com for more info.

America the Burgerful

​Assuming that you are in one of the contiguous 48 states in the USA: In what spot would you be farthest from a McDonald's, and how far away would that be? Blogger Stephen Von Worley has done the necessary calculations and come up with the answer:

"Between the tiny Dakotan hamlets of Meadow and Glad Valley lies the McFarthest Spot: 107 miles distant from the nearest McDonald's, as the crow flies, and 145 miles by car!"

Check out the whole story on Von Worley's blog.

​

Ever stood at a urinal, looked to your left and said, "Damn. That's one hell of view?"

We're talking about looking out the window you sicko. And if you wanna catch a Biscayne vista that may be unparalleled in all of Miami Dade's club restroom facilities then step to Brickell quickfast.

You've probably heard about the Viceroy, its well reviewed restaurant EOS, and its high in the sky lounge Club 50. But damned if the toilet room don't leave a lasting impression on people's perception of a venue, and we hadn't heard anything about 50's til local blogger Chad from Brickell Life pointed it out in text, stills and video. Now that's multimedia reporting.

He probably looked strange in there holding a camera, but apparently a urinal with a view is indeed a Kodak moment. Know a bathroom with a better view? Leave a comment.

via Sanjay Kamlani's Facebook

​

via chinadaily.com

Oh no I couldn't possibly finish. Have the waiter bring me a doggy bag.

​Next time your bitch starts complaining about a lousy meal treat her like a pimp (or pimpette) and slap her with a rolled up newspaper, (that goes for your son of a bitch too). Or you could take her out and show her a good time.

We're talking about your dog of course, and what better way to show her you care than a taking her out to eat.

As part of the product launch for their gourmet, aristocratic, small dogs only, "Share The Love" campaign, Cesar brand Canine Cuisine are throwing free dinner parties in dog parks across America. There will be four Dade County stops from September through October where your pooch will get the royal treatment of complimentary samples of new Cesar Bistro entrees in an "intimate bistro dining experience including miniature menus and wait staff on hand," according to a press release.

Here are the dates, locations and menu items for the events...

Rush Limbaugh's diet inspiration may have come from running after Bill Clinton

​The Rush Limbaugh Diet is sweeping America by storm, and we have the pictures to show how and why it might work. See, Rush would have you believe it's all about following a strict eating regimen, but the following pictures show that diet is nothing without exercise. Watch Rush Limbaugh eat and run his way into skinny jeans. Rush Limbaugh is a Palm Beach County representer, don't let the liberal media conspiracy fool you into thinking this is not news.

image via WEMERGE Magazine issue #5. Summer 2009. wemergetalent.com

It started as a hubbub of comments in regards to Short Order's post about MIA, a large dining/entertainment complex slated for downtown -- the debate being about the merits of such a venue, or lack thereof. Then MIA's executive chef-to-be, Gerdy Rodriguez, became the focus of discussion -- the debate being about his capabilities or lack thereof, the debaters being local chefs who profess to have worked with Rodriguez. Aliases prevent us from knowing who the chefs are, but it is suggested by one blogger that "Chef CC" is Clay Conley; we certainly can't say, although he and Gerdy did work together. Point is, it's getting nasty, and folks who like this sort of stuff might want to check it out.

Jacob Katel

Que rico es capitalismo!

Funny things happen when you set three alarms at two minute intervals on your cellphone and you snooze each one. High velocity REM sleep dreams.

Two days in a row I dreamt I called Castro's office to interview him for Short Order.

This morning I got through to his secretary. I thought she was an answering machine at first, but then she started responding to the message I was leaving ("Hola, habla Jake de Miami New Times calling to see if I can speak to Castro....).

"Halo, si? Castro no esta en la oficina ahora. Can I help you?"

I took the opportunity to ask her about Fidel Castro's eating habits. I wasn't nervous, but I was unprepared, so the first thing that came to mind was Hot Pockets.

"Does Castro eat Hot Pockets?" I asked. Somehow the call got conferenced to another secratary, so now I had his two main office help on the line, both women, one with curly hair. I could see em talking on an old rotary telephone each. The kind with a yellowish handset.

"Hod Pockes, que'seso?" (dreaming in Cuban translation: Hot Pockets, what's that?)
"Tu sabes. Con the pepe-roni." I replied (I pronounced pepperoni like pepe roni)
"Ay si, he love those," they answered in unison.
"Oh cool, does he drink coke?"
"Yeah he like coke, but he drink more juice."
"What about watermelon?"

Then I woke up and forgot the other great questions and answers I got out of the interview, although they hinted he was up in the mountains spending his last living moments on earth. One thing is certain though, Castro loves hot pockets.

I read somewhere that Castro spends a lot of time on the Internet and he has google alerts set for every time his name is mentioned in the media, So Castro, if you're reading this, leave a comment dude, the people wanna know what you're eating.

Napoleon will be doin tequila shots in the Grove tonight

If you have a cool family recipe -- preferably South Florida-ethnic-centric -- and a JPEG photo to go along with it, we would like to share it with the hungering world. It's gotta be an original, passed-down recipe, not something you've scooped from a cookbook or website. And it should include a little history -- who originally created the recipe, when you learned how to cook the dish, what makes it fine, etc.

Send recipe and photos to lee.klein@miaminewtimes.com.

More and more folks are supposedly cooking at home these days, so the next best thing to starting dinner at Michy's with blue cheese-and-Jamón Serrano croquetas is to start dinner at home with your own homemade version. Not that we've asked Michelle for the recipe yet, but you can ask us to ask her. Or you can request the recipe for any local restaurant dish you might have relished in the recent past. Send the name of the restaurant and the recipe you'd like to lee.klein@miaminewtimes.com, and we'll try to pry it from the chef.

We mean a great recipe from a great chef (and you know who you are). We mean a recipe for a dish currently being served in a reputable (but not necessarily expensive) local restaurant. We mean a recipe accompanied by a JPEG photo of the completed course. These recipes will help fill your public relations needs, help fill the readers' tummies, and help fill my quota for Short Order blogs -- a win win win situation.
Send recipe and photo to lee.klein@miaminewtimes.com

You might have noticed the recent absence of our Broward-Palm Beach food writers. Or not. Point is, the staff of our sister paper has spun off into a captivating food blog of their own called Clean Cup Chuckie  -- or something clever like that. Check it out for the latest in gastronomic happenings and such from up yonder.

As for Short Order: A sharper focus on Miami-Dade, with new features including recipes, rants, hilarious columns such as this one, and the divine Ms. Lauren Reskin's Meatless In Miami (she's also got her own vegetarian blog).  

PLUS WE WILL BE GIVING AWAY FREE $100 DOLLAR BILLS TO OUR MOST LOYAL READERS! (and we think you'll find that just because Michael Schwartz' mug graces the bills instead of Benjamin Franklin's doesn't make them any less fun to collect). Finally, as part of our renewed push, we will likely make Jacob Katel work more. It should be noted that Jake gets paid in Schwartz notes and hasn't complained a whit.

As told to Lee Klein by Clean Cup Chuckie, who heard it from SpongeBob SquarePants.

Peeps' Last Meal

I'd heard it anecdotally, but now it's officially confirmed: A new study says that female primates will get down and dirty in exchange for meat. And not just one measly piece of meat either. Ladyapes prefer chimp dudes that share meat with them often: What we're looking at here is the equivalent of three or four dates where the guy picks up the tab for a fancy dinner out. In human terms we're talking maybe an aged ribeye -- in the chimp world, the steak happens to be the meat of the red colobus monkey.
Here's my favorite part of the story:
"Females who are bolder or are more relaxed around males will approach the male who is in possession of meat and try to take a piece of meat or immediately start eating from the carcass," lead author Cristina Gomes told Discovery News. "The male will either not react to this and allow the female to eat, or will pull the meat away from the female, to which females usually react by screaming, crying or throwing a temper tantrum," added Gomes.
 I believe I have observed similar behavior in my very own self, like when some waiter whisks away a plate of veal piccata I'm not quite finished with. Wow, I feel so evolved.

If you haven't checked out New Times' own handy restaurant guide, you really should - it's an excellent resource for sorting restaurants by location, price range, features, critics' choice, and, of course, cuisine. Plus, most entries in our database contain capsule reviews for those that like a quick read, plus links to full reviews and any best of awards received. Currently, there are 85 categories of cuisines on our site to sort by; everything from Halal to Vietnamese to a multitude of seafood destinations. It's a huge swath of cuisine choices, no doubt - enough to keep you eating something entirely different each night for more than a quarter of a year. But thanks to our corporate overlords, that list is about to get a whole lot bigger.

Yep, somebody up top must have thought that classifying eats in a mere 85 ways was simply too broad and generic. Just this week, we've added in over 120 more categories by which to filter through the various chow-slingers throughout South Florida, bringing the total to a staggering 208 categories.

Not a single frigging Best New Chef Award for Florida this year from Food & Wine, which announced its picks on April 1st. In fact, all the magazine's Best New Chefs are far, far, away -- the closest one is Linton Hopkins in Atlanta, who chefs at Holman & Finch and Restaurant Eugene. That's nine hours and eight minutes of driving if I leave West Palm at 11 a.m. and hope to arrive at the fashionable dinner hour, which even for my appetites sounds like a stretch.

Hopkins does appear to be a true Southerner when it comes to cooking, with a decidedly Gulf-coast sensibility: consider that Mr. Hopkins's menu includes roast shad roe with lime pickle and onion puree; levain crusted snapper with white shrimp, soft grits and scallions; or roasted Apalachicola oysters with Benton's bacon and Herbsaint. At Eugene, Hopkins serves no less than 15 different vegetable dishes (fried green tomatoes with crawfish remoulade, skillet greens with crisp shallot and sorghum gastrique). Almost makes you wish you lived in Pensacola. Not!!!

Since Floridians were overlooked this year, Short Order offers its own alternative list of Best Old Chefs 2009, in no particular order, because what the hell, we're tired of America's obsessive youth culture. Feel free to contradict, haggle, or offer your own suggestions, with the only stipulation that your nominee needs to have at least a few gray hairs (or no hair at all). But hey, 50 is the new 35, right? And it takes a decade or two to develop the wrist action to whip those egg whites the way we like 'em.

Short Order's Best Old Chefs Awards, 2009
Laurent Tasic, Sage in Hollywood and Fort Lauderdale
Eduardo Pria, Eduardo de San Angel
Steve Martorano of Cafe Martorano
Joseph Schibanetz, Josef's
Allen Susser, Chef Allen's.
Norman Van Aken (Where the hell is he? Ck his blog here)

Norman, still making conquests

Pria's in his prime

Tasic: Aging like fine French wine

Martorano: one spicy Sicilian

Susser: A mature mango is the sweetest

Connery: because we have no pic of Schibanetz

Untwist those panties: Bacon is good for you!

1. Chocolate
Two words: Flavonoids. Antioxidants. Dark chocolate, more than 70 percent cocoa, has both of them, and they destroy evil free radicals, lower blood pressure, and balance hormones. The folks at Galler Chocolate, a candymaker from Belgium, will be happy to consult with you about the optimal mix for good health and a sin-free soul. Check out their tin of 70 percent cat's tongues or a tube of truffles. Give up instead: Both diet and regular soda, which contributes to obesity and shortens your life span.

Galler Chocolate, 920 E. Las Olas Blvd., Fort Lauderdale
954-523-9690
Also: There's not a good reason on Earth to give up the chocolate raspberry or French chocolate cupcakes, made with artisinal ingredients, at Lola's Cupcakery:
Lola's Cupcakery
1523 E. Las Olas Blvd., Fort Lauderdale
954-530-3153

2. Lobster
It may taste like a decadent luxury, but lobster is good for you. And this year, the prices on Maine lobster have come down significantly enough that you needn't suffer a moment's guilt eating it -- some reports put the price per pound at the equivalent of sliced turkey. Lobster is full of omega 3s, it's high in protein and low in fat, and it's low on the food chain, so it doesn't contain more than trace amounts of mercury. Best of all, lobster trapping is very easy on the environment. Give up instead: Tuna, which is severely overfished.
Where to get it:
Two 1 1/4 pound Maine lobsters are on sale for $51.95 (a $20 savings) at lobstergram.com. I've also had good luck ordering live lobsters from Legalseafoods.com. Patriot Lobster sells 1-pound "culls" that have lost one claw for a bargain rate of $9 each not including shipping.
Pop's Fish Market in Deerfield Beach has Florida lobster tails for $28.99 a pound and live Maine lobsters for $11.99 for a 1 1/4 lb. lobster, $13.99 for anything above that. Call them at 954-427-3331.
 
3. Caviar
No need to ever suffer another sleepless night over the endangered Russian sturgeon -- farmed sturgeon caviar is now widely available, and there's also a color palette of nonsturgeon caviar that's nearly as silky, salty, and luxurious as the real thing. Check out the caviar menu at Marky's in Miami: They've got farmed osetra from France, Italy, Uruguay and the U.S. from about $55 an ounce. Give up instead: Russian wild beluga. Nasty.

4. Bacon
That most misunderstood of foods, bacon, it turns out, is even better for you than eating vegetables. Just kidding. But anybody who'd even think of going 40 days bacon-free is a total masochist. The good news is that now you can buy bacon from humanely raised heritage breeds that is not only miles better than the old grocery-store Oscar Meyer but also helps preserve rare breeds from extinction -- and just generally makes the world a jollier, more delicious place in which to unravel our mortal coil. At Heritage Foods USA, six pounds of Edwards Heritage Berkshire Bacon will set you back $85, but that's enough to last even a serious baconophile until well after the Lenten period ends. The Pig Next Door also has a heritage-bacon-of-the-month club: a pound a month plus tasting notes for six months is $149 plus shipping. Give up instead: One meal at a mediocre restaurant.

5. Foie Gras
Probably the most controversial food in the world, despised by PETA, beloved of chefs and gourmets. But New York chef Dan Barber went to visit the Spanish Farm Pateria de Sousa and learned that it's indeed possible to produce foie gras "naturally" by letting geese gorge the way they always have in the wild, seasonally. Farming this way eliminates the need for gavage (force feeding). Judging from Barber's video, these fowl live in a birdly paradise so wonderful that geese flying over readily land and join them, increasing the flock naturally. The Spanish foie gras isn't available locally yet, but if you love the stuff, lobby your favorite chef to see if he or she can source it. Give up instead: foie gras produced by gavage until the humane version becomes available.

Inveterate radio jocks Paul Castronovo and Ron Brewer of Big 105.9 and 97.9 got all up in the SoBe Wine & Food Fest's businazz this morning, hosting an Iron Chef style cooking challenge live from the Fontainebleau (holy crap, did I spell that correctly?). The pair tested their cooking skills against each other in front of a slew of actual chefs and food glitterati -- peeps like Emeril Lagasse, Gail Simmons, Michelle Bernstein, and major-fucking-tool Guy Fieri. Most of the cooking seemed to be done by FIU culinary students - at least on Young Ron's side - but the two radio hosts actually pulled out some decent dishes. 

Ron did grouper sliders and some odd concoction of orange juice-poached shrimp on a cheddar tea biscuit, while Paul did some sort of grouper dish (they chose to berate Ron's dishes most of the time rather than explain Paul's). Some of it sounded OK, and well, I guess it should. These guys obviously know how to eat, as you can see in the slideshow up on their website. The audio is up in the archives, and as you can imagine, it was largely punctuated by Emeril, who, for some reason, has only one mode of communication: loud. But he's still sort of charming and charismatic, in a sugarey, catch-phrasey sort of way.

Anyway, the show was goofy, and sort of funny, and all-in-all a neat start to the SoBe W&F weekend.   

Daily Candy

The Anti-Theft Lunch Bag, perfect for fooling troglodyte food thieves.

Long-time readers of Short Order may remember that the New Times offices weren't always a safe and happy place. There was a time long ago when terror stalked our cubicles -- when unsuspecting men and women fell pray to evil. I'm talking, of course, about the Shrimp Bandit: a fishy thief who, when no eyes were looking, crept into our break room and lifted our lunches from the refrigerator in order to sate his own craven appetite. We never did catch the Shrimp Bandit, as you can see in this reconnaissance video capturing him in action. Now he lays dormant. But some say he will return.

If he does, well, we'll be ready. Office food theft is a big concern for a lot of people it seems, so intelligent minds have pooled their resources and come up with this deterrent: anti-theft lunch bags. These nifty lunch bags instantly turn any sandwich, snack, or treat into a moldy-looking mess. Just imagine an office food thief, schlepping his hunched-back over to the fridge for his latest meal, and finding only a ham-and-cheese sandwich that's carrying the bubonic plague. He'll think twice before eating that bad boy. Order some of these bags, available in packs of 25 here, and you'll never have to worry for your lunch again.     

52: Pizza Guy from rakontur on Vimeo.

Miami's digital auteurs, Rakontur, caught this classic South Beach food-related violent club incident on tape as part of its Clubland Miami web series. The pizza this pain-glutton lunatic is eating appears to be Papa Johns. I placed a call to their 15th street location on South Beach and asked if they'd ever seen any type of violent reactions displayed in response to their pizza.

Just how irrelevant has PETA become? The one-time-animal-rights-organization-turned-ludicrous-marketing-machine long ago gave up trying to reach people with reasoned arguments about the sanctity of all life or the wastefulness of our meat-happy culture. Instead they've adopted a fairly standard marketing strategy with which to convert confused meaties: 1) Create supposedly offensive advert designed to piss off octogenarian censors and bible-belters, 2) feign outrage when said moral authorities reject trite attempt at boundary-pushing, 3) revel in the media backlash that ensues. Well, I'll play ball PETA. Feast on the readers of Short Order!

PETA's latest offering is a whole splash page devoted to their "banned" Super Bowl Ad -- a rock music-filled montage of strapping young ladies getting it on with vegetables. The nut of the ad is an xtreme text blurb that states the following:  "studies show vegetarians have better sex." Apparently, NBC thought the imagery that coincided with that message was too sexually explicit, and thus rejected the ad.

You can read the whole rejection letter here. Basically, NBC wants PETA to remove images like a woman "screwing herself with broccoli" and "asparagus on her lap appearing as if it is ready to be inserted into vagina." That's not asking too much, really. What NBC honestly missed are the two most egregious offenses committed by the ad: The first being that PETA submits no information with which to back up its dubious claim that vegetarians have better sex. The other? Well, the ad is just plain stupid. When did PETA get the idea that best way to get people to stop exploiting animals is to exploit women instead? Like some Buffalo wing-scarfing, Bud-swilling neophyte is going to see this commercial, toss his plate on the ground in excitement and exclaim, "Ya'll know wut? I'z gonna stop eating them thar chicken wangs because, doggonit, I deserve to fulfill mah Earthlee dee-sires as much as them Sex in the City gals do!" No. No, that's never going to happen. Instead PETA is going to get made fun of ad nauseum by everyone -- vegetarians included. Meanwhile, the brainchildren that run that sinking ship will perceive the incoming hits as a success, and in turn produce an ad featuring Mickey Rourke going down on a plate of mashed potatoes. Sends chills up your spine.