Sure red meat makes you horny. And Spanish fly is the greatest of all aphrodisiacs. But what red-blooded American wouldn't want a cereal mascot to keep his or her hunger satisfied on Valentine's Day, too? As to what each one could provide in the lovin' department, well...

​1. Tony Tiger's a manly man. And his "Greeeeaaat!" growl sure as hell sounds like he's having an orgasm.
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Photo by Simon Hare

Michael's Genuine pioneered fine dining in Miami's Design District.

Let's end the year with a bang-bang look at the most important restaurants of the decade. Caveat: It must still be in business. And we're skipping those historically important places (like China Grill, Joe's Stone Crab, Versailles, etc.) whose main impact occurred prior to 2000. So, alphabetically:

Barton G
In the early years of the decade, when so many chefs around town still thought cutting edge meant papaya salsa on fish, Barton G was spinning out one outrageously inventive dish after another after another -- always staying at least a few steps ahead of the competition on the latest gastronomic trends and technologies. And still is.

Escopazzo
Giancarla Bodoni has quietly led the way towards use of organic and local product -- this is the first organic Italian restaurant in America  -- while maintaining Escopazzo's reputation since 1993 as one of the consistent go-to places for great contemporary Italian cuisine.

The River Oyster Bar
There was a time, not that long ago but before Oceanaire and the very recent Cape Cod Room and Fin, that David Bracha was about the only person serving fresh seafood in classic yet contemporary manner. It should also be noted that he was on the Brickell side of downtown before the Brickell side of downtown was cool. Bracha also pioneered the idea of an "oyster bar" -- well, not really, but The River remains one of the few places that has a reputable one.

Michael's Genuine Food & Drink
Influential in so many ways, but perhaps most importantly it just about single-handedly jump-started the once-moribund, now-riveting Design District dining scene. Along with Giancarla, Michael Schwartz likewise championed local sourcing, and made pure, fresh, healthily-prepared foods really really fashionable.
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Just say no.

​All right, Mr. and Ms. Restaurant Owner, repeat after me:

This coming year, I resolve to...

1. Train the hosts greeting guests at my establishment to exhibit fewer teeth and more intelligence.

2. Read at least one national food magazine per month in order to keep abreast of what's going on in the 21st-century food world.

3. Be more conscious of where I get my products from and to specifically use meats and poultry only from farms that raise animals in a humane way.

4. Absolutely banish any thoughts of spinning off a pizza place from my successful restaurant.
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Dinner at these establishments will cost at least $500-plus for you and your loved one. With apologies to China Grill, Grass, and Naoe, all of which just missed the cut at $200 per person.

The Setai: Dom Perignon dinner, six course wine dinner, string quartet. Cash bar after 11! $450

Blue Door at Delano: Dom Perignon reception, four-course dinner paired with wines of Joseph Phelps and Far Niente. $425

Mr. Chow at W South Beach: Bottle of Cristal champagne, set menu, dancing until 2 a.m. $600 "per pair"

Azul at Mandarin Oriental: Reception, seven courses, champagne toast. $300

Asia de Cuba at Mondrian: Bottle of Pommery Apanage champagne, five courses, open bar. $295

Gotham Steak at Fontainebleau: Five courses, live entertainment, champagne toast. $275

Hakkasan at Fontainebleau: Family-style five course dinner and champagne toast. $275

Scarpetta at Fontainebleau: Five course dinner with champagne toast. $275

CC Ballroom at Biltmore Hotel: Five course dinner, open bar, live music, fireworks display, and champagne. $250

Bourbon Steak: Six courses with champagne toast and live music.  $245

Au Pied de Cochon: Seven course wine-paired dinner. $225

Tomorrow we'll have ten less extravagant New Year's Eve deals.

Alphabetically except for the last:

Alvaro Beade of Ideas Restaurant. His contemporary take on the cuisine of Castilla y León was exquisite. Not sure where he is now.

Carmen Gonzalez of Carmen's The Restaurant. She merged modern American cuisine with traditional Puerto Rican. Then her eponymous restaurant burned down. Last we heard she was in New York operating an upscale take-home meal company called Sazon.

Robin Haas of The Colony, Bang, Baleen, Red Square, Chispa. One of the original bad boy chefs of South Beach, and one of our first really talented chefs period. Robin splits his time these days between his restaurant in Antigua (Nokiate, an upscale Japanese-Latino place) and Miami, and continues to consult -- as he did at La Marea before it first reopened after the Tides renovation.

Klime Kovaceski of Crystal Cafe. Klime and Huguette teamed to provide intensely flavorful New Continental Cuisine and the city's best service -- a distinctly excellent restaurant the likes of which hasn't been seen around here since. Kovaceski is now wowing folks via a more Mediterranean magic at Mez, in Charlotte's EpiCentre complex.

Willis Loughhead of Bizcaya at Ritz-Carlton Key Biscayne. He was a young whiz kid during his time here; he has since become known for making his own top-flight charcuterie from grass-fed and organic meats. Willis made a mark during a short stint at doomed Country on New York's Madison Avenue, then moved to Govind Armstrong's New York branch of Table 8.

Gary Robins of Wish. Put out a way-way-way-ahead-of-its-time upscale vegetarian menu as the first chef at Wish. It was fantastic, but, as we say...Robins went on to fame in New York, gathering kudos at the Biltmore Room, Aja, Sheridan Square -- and getting hammered in-between as The Russian Tea Room's initial chef after its' grand reopening.

Kerry Simon of Blue Star, Starfish, Max's, Mercury. Our first, and maybe only Rock 'n Roll chef, the long-haired Simon created great New American cuisine. He moved to Vegas and became a star, his name up in lights at that city's Simon at Palms Place and Cathouse, as well as at Simon LA, in Los Angeles.

Govind Armstrong, David Bouley, Christian Delouvrier -- Not that they were ever really here.

image via borderlys' flickr

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