Miami Food Blog

Photo via Flickr/CC 2.0

​You worked all week at your desk job, factory, kitchen, office, street corner, or couch, and now it's time to let loose and let that weekend energy plow you over like a bulldozer. So things are tough all over; jobs, school, money, healthcare, war, that kind of stuff, but we're also livin' in Miami and the season's kicking into gear. We've got more slammed restaurants, parties, shows, bottles, models, and all that they entail than anywhere else in the country with as good of weather. So put your elbows up, look to the future and say Cheers Gotdammit it's Friday. Here's what you might have missed this week.

• The Perky Nipple, Jiggle Booty, and Wet Pussy Cat aren't on there, but five other sassy drink names are.
• Puck Fublix. Get your Redlands Fresh fresh in the Redlands.
• Network for net worth and free food at Tamarind Thai on November 10.
• Guess who in South Florida's food industry is CIA certified outstanding.
• Josh Wahler new executive chef at Kung Fu Kitchen.
• Mango Gang original gangster Mark Militello leaves Bal Harbour for The Office.
• Miami Mayor Manny Diaz caught on video pretending to eat collard greens.
• A funny interview with Todd English from a reporter who likes his 10 answers.
• Top five new candies that do stuff to your mouth when you eat 'em.

Via flickr wxmom

Happy Halloween!

​Don't rot your teeth out eating too much candy this weekend. Here are our highlight posts from this week.

• Local takes on worst dining trends of the year. Communist tables.
• Renzo's of Boca, Miami Dolphins Football Meatball video.
• Doral Farmers Market starts tomorrow.
• What Obama ate for dinner when he was in Miami.
• Top Chef 7 casting at Club 50 at the Viceroy.
• Table 8's Josh Woodward arrested in Los Angeles.
• Smoked Salmon and Dungeness Crab Napoleon style, but where it at?
• Urban Mexican and cafeteria sushi hit the county.
• Drink yourself a Brain Hemmorhage on Halloween and have a good time.

Jacob Katel

Stay tuned. Next week Short Order tries to buy a walking hamburger.

​Like beef? We do. So stop by next week -- we're gonna try to buy us some. Here's what you might have missed over the last week.

• From the people who made Jaguar a cash cow, Talavera, now open.
• Two Chefs, still impressing critics after all these years.
• $7 Dirty Martini at Chicago's in the Grove is a "cheese-infused booze bomb."
• Crouton, tenderloin, crab meat, asparagus, béarnaise sauce, where it at?
• Take a walk downtown, do take out from Wok Town.
• Chef Michael Schwartz contributes to Short Order with new "The Genuine Kitchen" column.
• Attention! Lineup announced for Ribfest 2009.
• Video: Barton G warehouse fire.

Spice up your weekend.

​Short Order headquarters isn't stacked to the ceiling with pots and pans. We don't have a million dollar range. There's not a smoker out back. There's no grill, brick oven, or even a toaster, but we do have a microwave and the $1.00 pizzas we pull out of it always taste better when take the time to season them with whatever's around. Here's what you might have missed from us this week.

• Bacon in your beer, bacon in your brittle, bacon in your ice cream.
• Fast food sucks. Don't talk about it, be about it. Slow food lives.
• The Forge will open with star chef Dewey LoSasso at the helm of its kitchen.
• Burgers, dogs, and roasted marshmallows at tonights hunter's moon and stargazing party at Fruit & Spice park.
• Watch your food from prep to plate at Waxy's on the River Irish pub.
• New wine and pizza pairing menu at Joey's Italian Cafe in Wynwood.

Jacob Katel

Stay tuned...next week Short Order goes Behind The Line at Waxy's on the River.

​In the future we'd like to see a pizza vending machine that lets you order pies through your cell phone. When you dial the number and your payment goes through the machine activates its pizza software and delivers you a hot one in 7 minutes or less. When that happens, we're getting one. Until then, here's what you might have missed from us this week.

• Open her up and drink Marilyn Merlot.
• Will the wait staff talk like everybody on Family Guy when they bring you Quahog chowder at upcoming Cape Cod Room? Mmmm...that smells nice.
• Make your own orange gazpacho with crunchy vegetable salad and grilled garlic ciabatta bread, just follow the recipe.
• Respect your drive-thru server, or they might give you a spit shake.
• Will that burger kill you? Does it make you mad when people talk bad about burgers? Did your burger eat grass?
• Get your sandwich on at two neighborhood joints that make em' right.
• Sunday, Sunday, Sunday! Miami....are you ready to Guac?
• News and Notes Short Order style.
• Low on cash, drunk, and hungry? Top 10 things you're probably gonna eat.

Jacob Katel

Kitchen, spoon, plates.

​Some broke American alcoholics drink "pink ladies," canned sterno filtered through a piece of bread or an old sock. It can get you drunk, and it can kill you. Cuba's version is called  "chispa de tren," so named for the hallucinations it causes that resemble the sparks made between a train's wheels and the track. Learn how it's made in our Top 5 Latin American drinks post below. Here's what else you might have missed this week.

• Crackerman's organic German style spiced bread giveaway brand naming contest.
• Winos and wine pros at the Miami International Wine Fair.
• Chefs Club goes tailgate at BLT Steak for Monday Night Football.
• Beer gets mixed with ice cream, berries, tequila, and more. Can you handle it?
• Fire water, grape brandy, brazilian pinga, train spark, and corn shine. Find out what makes these the top 5 Latin American drinks.
• Dolphans stand up! Anthony's Coal Fired club seat, parking pass, and tailgate food for 10 giveaway.
• Free burritos at new Hialeah Chipotle Mexican Grill.
• Behind The Line at Ortanique on the Mile, kitchen pictures.
• The end of Miami Spice at Sra. Martinez in pictures.

Jacob Katel

Stay tuned, next week Short Order goes Behind The Line at Ortanique On The Mile.

​ Did you know that Cindy Hutson had never worked in a kitchen or cooked professionally when she opened her first restaurant? Get the whole story next week, when Short Order goes Behind The Line at Ortanique On The Mile. Here's what you might have missed from us over the past week.

• Jose Antonio Ortega Bonet, the founder of Sazón Goya, died. So did FIU professor Marcel Escoffier.
• A South Beach bartender gets the big nod for his Garden Sour Hour from Bombay Gin in Vegas.
• Have you ever had a "Jesus Was A Mexican?" Check out our Top 5 tequila drinks.
• Michelle Bernstein can't stop, won't stop.
• Fish Called Avalon's industry night starts Monday. Fifty percent off, everything must go.
• Jaguar's people bring Talavera Mexicana to Coral Gables. What you know about huitlacoche crepes? Hint -- it's corn fungus.
• Daniel Serfer, recent five-year chef de cuisine at Chef Allen's, takes over his own kitchen.
• What's the big idea at Ideas? New chef.

Jacob Katel

Live from the 3:05....a.m....approximately.

​

Jacob Katel

Stay tuned. Next week Short Order goes Behind The Line at MIA at Biscayne.

​Did you know that there's a Miami Police Department Café...and that back in 08' they caught a restaurant inspection violation for "identity of food product misrepresented?". According to WPLG10 it was for mislabeled fish. Something funny about that. Here's what you might have missed this week:

• Jackie Sayet goes in on the Kobe controversy. Are restaurants violating "truth in menu" for the sake of designer meat labels?
• Paradise Farms now growing oyster mushrooms, and serving lunch on Sundays.
• Short Order takes a midnight ride across the Tamiami Trail on Labor Day. In Immokalee migrant farm workers wait for the work bus.
• This week's New Times restaurant review, Sang's Chinese Food, live from The Critic.
• Sick of ceviche? Going to a Peruvian joint? Here are six other plates to try.
• The Allen Bros. walk into a bar. Ouch. Then they put out a new catalog.
• Twenty-four hour French bistro in South Beach? Not without liquor.

Jacob Katel

​Food. Money. Politics. Mayor. Commissioners. The Public. Our Government. Taxes. Pay Cuts. Pink Slips. Raises. Makes you wanna drink. Don't get too caught up in your own movie. The next public budget hearing is September 17th at the Government Center metro rail station Downtown. We recommend you check it out. Here's what you might have missed over the last week on Short Order.

• Draft beer floats. Yes, that means beer and ice cream in a pint glass. Find out what to pair it with for "the definitive upscale stoner meal."
• Jewish Deli expert puts Jerry's Deli of South Beach on smash, sings praises of Boca and Delray, and finds Rascal House hard to swallow.
• Restaurant Week at Dolphin Mall doesn't include a food court festivus for the rest of us.
• Miami ranks 9th on a list of places where people like wiener meat in their buns.
• Jackfruit is to pussy as Shaq is to chihuahua.
• Exclusive local restaurant news roundup, openings and events, from Short Order.

Jacob Katel

Fried alligator

​ Wasup. Que bola. Que tal. Que onda. Wat they do. Sak pase. Sak ap fet. Comment allez vous. Konichiwa. Another week, another weekend. When will all the weeks end and leave us just the weekends? Thanks to the great American time conspiracy, probably never. Here's what you might have missed the past 4 dias, click links for the original posts. Hay te watcho.

• Jamaican Me Hungry parts 2 and part 3 shoots its way through that country's culinary landscape.
• Readers poll: What restaurant would you like to see open at Miami International Airport?
• Top Ten restaurant violators on false advertising seafood in Dade so far this year.
• Five new restaurants, five new menus, check the highlights.
• World famous shirt maker Arnold Zimberg used to own a bar at Bayside.
• Wanna trade your Snickers for a soy oat cluster with whey ginseng and acai?
• Readers poll: What's the manliest restaurant in Miami?
• The Critic just can't bring himself to see Julie and Julia and write down what he thinks of it.
• September 13 from 2 - 7 p.m. Crazy Pianos donates 20% of all food and drink sales to Shake-A-Leg Foundation.
• The Critic hates on the parking situation at Casale. Tell him what YOU think.

 

Jacob Katel

​Everyone has to eat to live, some out there live to eat, Short Order lives to eat what other people are eating after they've already eaten it, or get there before them and eat it first. Here's what you might have missed throughout the week.

• The cult of Ikea extends to their food court. Ready for Crayfish Season?
• Fish tacos on Red Road between Bird and Flagler, Mexican style.
• The U.S. government doesn't seem to care if you eat shit and die.
• Archive Diver listens in on the Bagelbergs.
• Go to Kouzine's for your last chance to buy one get one free gourmet lunch.
• Eleanor Hoh's Wok Star Cooking Class in pictures, and words.
• Indian cooking classes at Ayesha's Kitchen.

Jacob Katel

​Two days from now yesterday will be tomorrow. Think about it. Time is just a matter of perspective. Here's what you might have missed this week.

• Lobsternomics 101 explores the bottom line on bottom dwellers in Miami, Cuba, and the world.
• What's Rush Limbaugh's diet got to do with Bill Clinton, the old Bush, volleyball practice, and Richard Simmons? Find out for yourself.
• Timo's Chipotle Margarita drink making recipe.
• What would you do for a gas station Jamaican Patty?
• Slave tomatoes and the people who want you to eat them.
• Fratelli Milano does Italian right in Downtown. Jackie takes pictures.
• Find a scorpion in your shoe? With it's tail in your foot? Put garlic on the sting and read our top 10 home remedies for whatever else might ail ya.
• Twitterheads msg eachother while they watch Top Chef.

Jacob Katel

​Floormats are always getting stepped on and run over. They eat dirt. If you got some dog shit on your kicks, they're the first to know. Life's not all just looking upskirts for a floormat. Hey, they've got it rough, but where would we be without them. Give thanks for floormats. Here's what you might have missed last week.

• Exclusive Julia Child in South Florida photos here, here and here.
• Red beans and rice for rich folks. Ahnvee Restaurant goes Big Easy in the Big Sleazy.
• Fish Shack Market? You heard it here first.
• Kitchen stories: be careful with hot peppers and protect your neck.
• Miami Spice offers 443, as in four-for-three, deal.
• Take a look inside the newly remodeled Akashi South Miami.
• Mustard fights, Irish mustard, and the great national mustard day parade.
• Po Boy vs Po Boy at Bulldog BBQ and The Spot on South Beach it's North vs South all over again.

Jacob Katel

​Verbal exchange of the week: Last night at Taste The Nations charity event at the Ritz Carlton on Key Biscayne, toward the end of the event, 9:43 p.m., I approach Chef Cindy Hutson of Ortanique, she's slidin' off the wine in her drinkin' glass. I mumble something about shooting the kitchen of her restaurant:

Cindy: Do you cook?
Me: No.
Cindy: Bitch, I'mma put you to work.

Here's what you may have missed last week:

• Behind The Line at Mahogany Grille award winning neo-classic soul kitchen in pictures.
• Stick a fork in Table 8 on South Beach, they're Chapter 7 liquidation done for.
• Food news breakdown from Lee Klein openings from the beach to the river.
• North One 10 is for sale, holler at north110dl@aol.com for lease terms.
• Key Largo Food and Wine Fest kicks off today at 4 p.m. at Tradewinds Liquors.
• Plato Royal hotel brunch Sunday food fight Biltmore vs. Four Seasons.
• Like Chipotle? You may be eating slavegrown tomatoes. They don't care.

Jacob Katel

In the future Short Order will feature 3d holographic food modeling technology. For now we're stuck on the screen, but life moves fast, don't get left behind. Here's what you might have missed last week.

• B & M Market's landmark Caribbean kitchen on NE 2 Ave and 79th St.
• Dade County dragon fruit, when will it hit the menus of your favorite restaurants.
• Free fruit trees, avocado, tamarind, lychee, and mango, for city of Miami residents on Saturday, July 25th.
• Foie Wars solved by the almighty dollar.
• Sommelier Rich DiGiacomo host 4 course wine and dine at Cacao's on July 29th.
• 3 courses for $29 on South Beach or 2 courses for the same price with half price wine on Wednesdays in the Gables.

Jacob Katel

This week, the cover of our print product depicts hand sewn, plush, homemade Star Wars dolls. On the web front, Short Order wrote a week's worth of hopefully entertaining, informative, insightful, and humorous posts that had almost nothing to do with the grim realities of life in Miami in the Summer of '09. Here's what you might have missed last week:

• Crying about the economy? Want some cheese with that whine?
• A slideshow of the 14th annual International Mango Festival.
• Breakfast is served in pictures at Casa Cafe in Shenandoah.
• Le Banyan dies, another epic failure in the 70's and Collins on Miami Beach.
• The Sidewalk Chef goes cartoon in Tampa thanks to Short Order.
• South Beach is full of tourists, they eat fast on Lincoln Road.
• Fixed price meals at Area 31 and valet charge price drops elsewhere.
• Paris Hilton lets the meat slide down her throat in the MIA.
• Wine and food enthusiasts gather for monthly potlucks. You're invited.

Jacob Katel

Chef Michio Kushi of Sushi Deli and Japanese Market Inc.

image via altemark's flickr

But will you work for a job, wash for soap, cut hair for scissors, or just smoke for weed?

From the strip mall outposts of our suburban wastelands to the grimy corners in the heart of the city, our fast-food bread lines form their motorized queues and serve our doom 99 cents at a time. While our president shills for Five Guys, real mom-and-pops shut down for good, and master electricians push carts at Home Depot. Things are getting ugly, so a healthy breakfast is more important than ever -- watch what you eat. Here's what you might have missed last week.

• Fresh, tropical goodness, South Dade-style, in pictures.
• America, fuck yeah. Chef Fern talks 3,000 steak meals and working 5 a.m. to midnight.
• Plato Royal goes green, pits salad against salad in a battle for leaf supremacy.
• Wanna take Kitty to Bar Rosso? Here's your chance.
• Lee Klein breaks down Grove history, 'cause The Taurus is comin' back.
• Food Inc. would be better if...

Jacob Katel

Dret Gunk

Jacob Katel

Scallop On The Half Shell @ BLT Steak

Jacob Katel

What you know bout the Rush Limbaugh Diet

Some people just don't know when to shut up. They talk when they're getting paid to, they talk when they're not, they talk in the car, to their dog, on their phones, at the bank, during movies, over the airport lady when you're trying to catch a flight. They talk in their sleep, to themselves, on the bus, on the streets, over bullhorns, megaphones, and microphones. They talk so much, you don't care what they say. Good thing Short Order's in the writing business. Here's what you may have missed last week:

• Local Chef Restaurant Recipes - Fratelli Lyon: Chitarucci con funghi e tartufo
• Add these local food @'s to your twitter friends
• Christine's Roti Shop introduces breakfast after 17 years in South Florida
• Rush Limbaugh, diet icon? We've got the pictures.
• Apple Restaurant in South Beach sued for securities fraud
• 20 CENT CHICKEN WINGS AT 8 OZ BURGER BAR